3. Hilda's Rival (Part 2) Transcript
Transcript by Raina Harper
Kyle
Previously on Quest Friends! Hereafter…
[Music plays, ‘Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme’ by Miles Morkri.]
Tom (as Hilda)
So, today we might get to meet other Necromon Trainers and other Necromon.
Tom
Quique, a Necromon has moved in near his yard.
Ari
[Smiling.] No… I want to give this complication to Sparky and say that Sparky has a mouse infestation.
Kyle
You notice as you stare at six Kingpeckers desperately trying to hunt down 30 mice…
Hallie
[Giggles uncontrollably.]
Kyle
…that this doesn’t just catch Necromon, it duplicates them.
Kyle (as Walnut)
I’m Walnut. I’m raring to be second place of the Seventh Grade this year. Nobody beats Irene.
Tom (as Hilda)
Who is Irene?
Kyle
The unknown unbeatable trainer, Irene Hawthorne.
Emily (as Irene)
Greetings.
[Theme song swells and carries into the episode.]
Kyle
Okay, so Emily, why don’t you tell us a little bit about Irene Hawthorne?
Emily
Irene Hawthorne is the Necromon Trainer who overextends.
[Irene’s theme begins.]
She is a small child with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. She’s got her arms crossed and she’s got really, really strictly straight-up posture that’s clearly trying to make her feel like she’s taller than she is.
Kyle
Even though—because isn’t she pretty short?
Emily
I mean, she’s a small child.
Kyle
Okay, fair.
Emily
So yeah, pretty short as a child.
Kyle
Well, compared to other Seventh Graders.
Emily
Well, she skipped a grade, so…
Kyle
She’s pretty tiny.
Emily
She’s a smaller child than the other small children in that she is younger, and so smaller.
Kyle
[Chuckles.]
Emily
Her hair is kind of cut in a bob and it looks as though she’s tried to slick it down but it’s a little bit puffy. She’s dressed in a high-collared pressed dress buttoned all the way up and looks very official, as official as a small 11-year-old can look. She is… She’s got angry eyes.
[Music ends.]
Tom (as Hilda)
Um… Hi. My name’s Hilda.
Tom
Hilda will do that awkward sort of wave where you half raise your hand up but then you abort at the last second like “no, I’ve made a mistake.”
Emily
Irene swings one of her hands back over her head and in front of her in a point, and she steps forward.
Emily (as Irene)
Welcome to your doom. … It’s very nice to meet you.
[Laughter.]
Tom (as Hilda)
Uh, well, um… I hope we have a good duel?
Emily (as Irene)
I’m going to crush you. I’m going to eat you alive and spit you out.
Kyle (as Walnut)
[Shouting.] You got it, Hilda!
Tom
Hilda is going to puff up her chest a little bit and try to stand up straight, awkwardly take Booker out of the backpack again, hold him forward like he’s Simba in The Lion King once more, and just say:
Tom (as Hilda)
Well, um… you haven’t faced a bond as true as ours. Go, Booker.
Tom
Hilda’s gonna hold Booker out until he opens up, sticks out his little legs, and then set him down on the ground gently and try to strike an awkward heroic pose.
Emily
His little eyestalks poke really far up and then they kind of go back down a little bit into his little book shell. Then he shakes off a little bit and puffs out just like Hilda. He’s looking real heroic too.
Tom
Aw!
Tom (as Hilda)
[Whispering.] That looks so cool, Booker. Yes!
Emily (as Booker)
[Whispering, proud.] Rekoob!
Tom (as Hilda)
[Whispering.] You’re doing it!
Kyle
Off to the side of the arena, you can see Ariel. They’re sitting on what kind of looks like… You know those lifeguard stands that lifeguards go on so they can look over the pool? They’re sitting on it with their foot resting on top of a boom box connected to two speakers beneath them.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Alright. So, uh… this duel is gonna be tryouts for the Dueling Club. That thing…
Kyle
They point to the School-Aid Man who gives a thumbs up.
Kyle (as Ariel)
…will be determining whether or not you get in, except for Irene who’s already in.
Kyle
And they roll their eyes real hard at that.
[00:05:00]
Emily (as Irene)
Yes I am. Thank you.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Anyways. Not only is this gonna determine whether or not you get in, but we’re gonna use this to determine your Necromon’s number of Res Points. Again, Res Points is essentially the number that we use to determine how many hits your Necromon can take until it actually gets damaged, so don’t—!
Kyle
And they shoot daggers at Irene.
Emily
[Smiling.] She does it back.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Just don’t.
Tom
[Laughs.] Hilda glances over at the child being carted away on a stretcher.
Tom (as Hilda)
[Uneasy.] Hmm…
Emily (as Irene)
You won’t be grievously injured.
Tom (as Hilda)
You’re right, I won’t, because I’m going to win… Mm-hmm.
Emily
Irene doesn’t like that.
Kyle (as Ariel)
So yeah, typical rules. Don’t go too hard. Stay within the battlefield.
Kyle
They point to the blue barrier surrounding it.
Kyle (as Ariel)
And, uh… yeah.
[Upbeat sports battle music begins.]
Kyle
They take one of their legs which had been crossed over the other one and just kick the boom box to life and this really exciting peppy battle music starts.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Let’s, uh… have a Necromon Duel.
Kyle
So, the way Under the Neighborhood is written, it isn’t really designed for Necromon Dueling. We have a Mon playbook, but because it’s only one of our eight playbooks, we don’t have a whole lot of specific rules designed around that. So, for Necromon Battles, we’re actually gonna be using a modified ruleset from the game Animon Story by Zak Barouh. I wrote Necromon Story in my notes, so I need to change that.
[Laughter.]
Tom
“Wow. You made this? I made this.”
Kyle
The way Animon Story works… In our regular system, you would roll two dice and do the highest result. In Animon Story, your stats instead determine how many dice you roll, and if you roll a 4 or above, that counts as a success. Whoever has more successes wins.
In a Necromon Battle, you can have up to six Necromon and you can have up to three on the field at a time. This doesn’t really affect Hilda that much, because she’s got the one, but for duelists you might go against, such as potentially Irene, that might be something that they do.
Your goal is to get all of the Resurrection Points, or Res Points, of your opponent’s Necromon down to 0. Additionally, we have a Critical Gauge. Any time you roll a 6 or a Necromon gets knocked out, the Critical Gauge fills by 1. Our Critical Gauge right now is 8.
That’s the real fast version. Again, we’ll go over specific rules as they come up, but… tell me how your mons get on the field.
Tom
Well, as I mentioned before, Booker was just held there until his legs came out and then just set gently down on the field to begin posing heroically.
Kyle
Yeah. He’s just been sitting there posing all along. He doesn’t look that much different. There’s a little bit of blue. You can see the blue light that’s surrounding the arena seems to almost surround him.
Tom
Just a vibing little crab.
Kyle
Yeah, like a vibing little crab. It’s surrounding this vibing little book crab. It just looks like a little rave man. Not a whole lot of light, but he’s into it, it’s fun. It’s a good time! It’s a good time. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, Irene, there are your Necromon.
Emily
So, the ground starts rumbling and then something starts to poke up out of the ground, and it’s all these little tiny mushrooms. Then, from under those mushrooms comes a hat—a really, really wide-brimmed flat-top hat. Then, this creature like a combination of a mandrake root and the radish spirit from Spirited Away crawls up out of the ground and, when it stands, the footsteps make things just rumble a little bit all around.
Ari (as root Necromon)
[Bellowing.] Uh-lay-um!
Emily
And then… the other Necromon is actually three smaller ones. They’re moss balls the size of a couple of fists together each. They’re just… They’re just moss balls.
Tom (as moss ball Necromon)
[Like a yawn.] See-sawm… See-sawm.
Emily (as Irene)
Mallea. Mossies. Go!
Kyle
So, that is how our arena starts, with a book rave crab on one side…
Tom
Your words, not mine.
Kyle
…and on the other side, these three cute little moss balls and a fucking giant.
[Music swells and ends.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
Well what the fuck is the point of this trap? This is the exact opposite of what a trap is supposed to do.
Ari (as Quique)
Can you elaborate on this, Sparky? I feel like we are finally reaching some sort of consensus here as to this being a thing you caused.
[00:10:00]
Hallie (as Sparky)
Alright. Alright. Look Quique, there’s been mice in my house, there’s been Necromice in my house and I’m trying to get rid of them, and I came to this lovely “park” that you happen to live at. That’s what people do, they let go of Necromice in parks. And now there are six fucking birds all over the place! Why do you have six birds?!
Kyle
A couple of things. One, there are seven birds.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Why do you have seven birds?!
Kyle
And, you’re calling his backyard a park?
Hallie
[Stammering.] She’s just, you know, I happened to be near this thing that I’m saying is a park.
Ari (as Quique)
Yeah? Well, you were saying something about a trap though.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Yeah, yeah… that’s that, um…
Ari (as Quique)
This?
Ari
He’s going to look at the box.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Mm-hmm.
Kyle
Which none of you has grabbed, so it’s just spawning out more mice and more Kingpeckers.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Mm-hmm… Yeah, there it is.
Ari
If Sparky doesn’t do anything, I think Quique’s going to try and go smash it or something.
Hallie
Sparky’s honestly just waiting for Quique to solve the problem.
[Laughter.]
Ari
God.
Kyle
Yeah Quique, how do you wanna smash it?
Ari
Just smash it! Well, or I could take my It Was A Long Con where I can take my failure or mixed success with a full success, saying that the bird freaking out at the cage causes the cage to break, but that’s a different thing so I probably shouldn’t do that.
Kyle
Yeah. You gotta fail before that happens. It’s immediately following. So yeah, right now just take a swing to break it.
Ari
Okay.
[Rolls.] That’s… 4. So it was a long con!
[Laughter.]
Kyle
So you smash your hand into it, and your arm is now stuck in the thing as well.
Hallie
I can’t have more Quiques.
Ari
Does my arm replicate as well?
Hallie
Don’t do this to me.
Ari
Or is it just for Necromon?
Kyle
Well you know, Necromon, they’re soul monsters that can create projections of their bodies. You can’t do the latter, but you are a soul creature.
Ari
Can I say it was a long con and my arm replicating leads to either destroying the box or grabbing all of the mice and tossing them away?
Kyle
Quique punches his hand in…
[When Johnny Comes Marching Home begins.]
All I can think of is a little army waltz as, climbing out of this box with confidence and poise, you just see row after row of…
[Laughter.]
Ari
It’s like the Fantasia—
Kyle
…Aurelio Enrique Hueso Canacas, marching out of the box.
Hallie
Oh god.
Ari
Oh my god! It’s the entire thing? I thought it was just going to be the arm, not the entire—
Hallie
No, it’s all these little Quiques! [Unintelligible] Quiques!
Kyle
They stand up and they look at you and they salute and say:
Kyle (as Quique copies)
What do you need, sir?
[Music ends.]
Ari (as Quique)
Well this is awkward.
Ari
Probably all of them are going to say that at the same time.
[Mumbling crowd SFX.]
Kyle (as Quique copies)
Yeah, this is awkward.
This is awkward, isn’t it?
Yeah, it’s kind of awkward.
It’s a little weird, yeah.
Are we… alive?
Ari (as Quique)
Uh… that’s not important! The important thing is you are here for a purpose and a purpose only. Actually, no, two purposes—no, three purposes! Excuse me. One of them is destroy this box. The other one is catch these mice. The third one is grab these birds and that person and lead her away from my house.
Kyle (as Quique copies)
We are on it, sir!
Uh… so who wants to take the…?
I would like to… I would like to get Sparky out of here.
Well I wanna get Sparky out of here too.
No—We really all do kind of wanna get Sparky out of here, don’t we?
Maybe we should start with that.
Hallie
[Laughs.] While this conversation is happening, and before they can do anything, Sparky’s gonna flop down her little notebook against her leg.
[Silly music begins.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
Do you think this is the first time I’ve heard a whole crowd of people say “we don’t want Sparky here”? I get it, I get it, you’re intimidated by my presence. I can see myself out, and I will let you handle this problem.
Kyle (as Quique copies)
We’re not intimidated.
Hallie (as Sparky)
No-no, it’s okay, you don’t have to—
Ari (as Quique)
Yeah, no, we’re… I was gonna say that.
Hallie (as Sparky)
[Smug.] You don’t have to lie. I will just, I will just…
Hallie
She’s walking backwards. The fence itself is blocked, but she’s trying to find any other way out.
Kyle
You back up and you just hear the (jackhammer sounds) because some of the hammering has been going on that none of you have addressed. Suddenly, just another part of the wall gets destroyed by a Tucán and you just walk out of the hole that was recently destroyed.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Hey Quique, it was great to catch up with, um… all of you. I’d love to know how this turns out. So, if you wanna drop by for an interview sometime…
Ari (as Quique)
You have to own for this mess that you have caused, Sparky! You cannot just leave on those terms.
Kyle (as Quique copies)
You can’t expect—I’m not gonna clean this up.
I mean, we are gonna clean this up. Right?
Ari (as Quique)
I mean, we have to clean this up, man. This is not staying like this.
[Music ends.]
[00:15:00]
Kyle (as Quique copies)
Well yeah, but like, you know—
Ari (as Quique)
Maybe that can be your fourth purpose, to build more stuff for this wall. We sort of know how to build stuff.
Kyle (as Quique copies)
But the hardware store is always so expensive.
Ari (as Quique)
Yeah, it’s true, but it’s more expensive to have this wall open. You know?
Kyle (as Quique copies)
That’s a good point. Sparky could get in.
Ari (as Quique)
Anyways. Why am I discussing things with myself in this manner? I never thought my thoughts would be this open to the public.
Kyle (as Quique copies)
I don't know…
Hey! Hey guys?! Hey Quiques!
Kyle
You can see one of them had walked over and had scooped up some mice.
Kyle (as Quique copy)
Um… we have a problem?
Kyle
And all the other Quiques are like:
Kyle (as Quique copies)
What? A problem?
We have a problem?
Sparky’s leaving. The problem’s gone. We can pick it up.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Kyle
The Quique, terrified, points out… and you noticed that the cars had gotten silent.
Hallie
Oh no.
Kyle
And outside you see the streets covered in Necromice…
[Threatening musical sting begins.]
Ari
Oh my god!
Kyle
…and Tucáns sweeping to catch them.
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
Now, the first thing we’re gonna do is we’ve gotta figure out who goes first. For each Necromon, roll initiative.
Tom
Ah, getting the big boy dice out for this. My big specialty.
Kyle
[Laughing.] I’m so concerned with how many dice I heard right there.
Tom
Well, I have 8 Initiative with my big boy stats.
Kyle
Like, it was right up to the mic, but it was still like (crash, crash, crash)!
Emily
Eight Initiative?!
Tom
[Rolls.] I rolled 8d6 just now.
Kyle
Jesus Christ.
Emily
There is no way I am getting—There’s no way either of them are going first.
Tom
Here’s the thing. There is at least a chance, but I did actually roll quite well. I have five successes and two of them were sixes.
Kyle
How about you, Emily?
Emily
Um…
[Rolls.] I got two successes for Mallea and one success for Mossies.
Kyle
Any sixes?
Emily
[Laughs.] No.
[Rock battle music begins.]
Kyle
So, everything starts, and over this somehow very loud boom box you almost see Booker respond before you hear Ariel’s muffled voice say:
Kyle (as Ariel)
Alright, start!
Kyle
What does Booker do?
Emily (as Booker)
[Enthusiastic.] Rekoob, rekoob!
Tom
Hmm… I want Booker to zoom around behind Mallea and try to just do an end-over-end tackle, like curling up into a book and just smacking into the back of Mallea’s head.
Kyle
Fucking incredible. Let’s talk about attacks for a second. We have one of four stats with which we can attack. We can attack with Heart which is when you put yourself in harm’s way or when you’re overwhelmed or outnumbered, Books when you use precision or you attack from a secure position like from a distance, Fierce, a short-range attack with a clear shot, which you might think is what this is, but I actually think it’s Slick, when you move in to close the distance or attack stealthily.
Tom
Hmm.
Kyle
The reason I think it’s Slick is because you intentionally are trying to do a backstab on Mallea.
Tom
Teleports behind you.
Kyle
Yeah. You’re trying to be tricky about it.
Tom
Okay.
Kyle
So, you will roll based on your number of dice. You can get additional dice based on a Signature Attack, which is a special attack you can do, or a Quality which is something your Necromon has. So Tom, what is Booker’s Quality?
Tom
My Quality currently is Hard Cover.
Kyle
Then you sure are fucking smacking that thing with your hard cover. So, Tom will get an extra die for that. Mallea, in the meantime, gets to dodge based on a Dodge score. What is Mallea’s Quality?
Emily
Natural Armor.
Kyle
So Mallea’s basically always going to get this unless someone does a mind attack. I don't think Booker has that.
Tom
Not yet anyway.
Emily
So if my Dodge is 3, then I would roll four.
Kyle
Exactly. Then we just compare.
[Music ends.]
Tom
[Rolls.] Three successes and one 6.
Emily
[Rolls.] I have… two successes, no sixes. Oh, I’m gonna get slaughtered. Okay, how much damage do you do?
Kyle
[Grinning.] We’ll get to that in a second.
[Inspiring action music begins.]
So there’s something I haven’t told you all about Necromon. The world we live in is comprised of layers. We don’t just have the worlds of the living and the dead, the Here and the Hereafter, we have so many other layers of existence beneath that.
Most Necromon, which are called Basic Necromon, come from higher layers. They’re strange and mysterious but not that far from what we know. But there are other things, stranger and more powerful, that come from some place far deeper.
[00:20:00]
Before anyone can even register what happens, the blue light on Booker lights up and this small book shoots across the stage, seemingly almost teleporting behind Mallea.
Emily (as Booker)
[Ethereal, full of power.] Rekoooob~!
Kyle
It slams into the back of this giant honey mushroom before somersaulting in front of it and opening its book wide. The shining blue eye on one side ignites, almost taking the form of a strong flame, and in where the ripped pages were they are replaced by these thin razor-sharp semi-translucent pages. Irene, as you and Mallea try to process how much damage happened to you, you just hear a yell from the crowd say:
Kyle (as Walnut)
Holy crap! She’s got an Ultra Necromon!
[The crowd cheers. Music softens.]
Tom (as Hilda)
Uh… Have you always been able to do that, Booker?
Emily (as Booker)
[Ethereal.] Rekoob?
Tom (as Hilda)
[Stilted and awkward.] Well… cool! Now you understand the caliber of opponent before you, hmm?
[Music ends.]
Emily
Irene is absolutely seething. She’s like clenching and unclenching her little hands. The top parts of her cheeks are really, really pink like she’s very upset. But she doesn’t even pay attention to you, she is too concerned, muttering to Mallea.
Emily (as Irene)
Are you… Are you okay? Did it hurt you? Is your hat okay? Do you need Root Powder?
Kyle
[Chuckles.] Well let’s find out. The way damage is calculated, you take whatever someone’s Damage score is and the difference between your rolls. So Tom, how much damage does Booker do?
Tom
Booker’s Damage is 10, and then I rolled three successes, so 13—well, 13 minus whatever successes.
Kyle
Yeah, and Emily rolled two, so the difference between the two of you was one, so Mallea takes 11 points of damage.
Emily
[Laughs.] So yes, Mallea is going to need some Root Powder later.
Ari (as Mallea)
[Drawn out, sobbing.] Uh-lay-um~!
Kyle
Again, this isn’t serious pain, it’s more like an athlete extending themselves more than they normally would.
Emily
Do you think Irene cares?
Tom
How many Res Points does Mallea have?
Emily
Um… Mallea has 14.
Kyle
Fourteen Resurrection Points?
Emily
Yeah.
Tom
Total or after this?
Emily
No, total.
Tom
Oh fuck.
Kyle
Well, it’s not time for Mallea’s Root Powder yet because it’s time for Mallea to act.
Emily (as Irene)
Do you want to leave, Mallea?
Ari (as Mallea)
[Indignant.] Uh-lay-um! Uh-lay-um!
Tom
I assume Mallea wants blood.
[Fun battle music begins.]
Emily (as Irene)
Then turn him to mush!
Emily
She swings her arm all the way behind her, up over her head, and steps one foot forward in the most dramatic point possible. She points at Booker. I’m using Mallea’s Signature Attack.
Kyle
The way a Signature Attack works, it’s similar to a Quality. It gives you +1 on your roll. I’m pretty sure because Booker is Ultra he gets +2. Then, it has an attribute. What is the effect of Turn Them To Mush?
Emily
This is Heavy Strike. When it successfully hits, this signature attack does extra damage equal to 1 plus the Rank which is…
Kyle
That would be 2 total, because the Rank is 1.
Emily
…2, yeah, because we’re Rank 1.
Kyle
What is Mallea doing? How is Mallea doing this attack?
Emily
Mallea’s attack, Turn Them To Mush, is achieved when Mallea runs at the other Necromon, jumps into the air, and belly-flops on top of them.
Kyle
Alright, so that’s a Fierce attack through and through.
Emily
[Laughs.] Yes.
Kyle
I would say, in this case, it’s another one where both of yours apply because it’s defense with a body for Booker and attack with a body for Mallea. If Mallea was doing a punch, maybe not, but…
Emily
Yeah.
Tom
No, that makes sense to me. Heart of the cards, guide me.
Emily
[Rolls.] Ooh, okay. Okay, no sixes, but I did get five successes.
Tom
[Rolls.] Holy shit. I got four successes.
Emily
[Startled exhale.]
Kyle
Any sixes for you, Tom?
Tom
Yes, I got two sixes.
Kyle
The gauge is 5 out of 8, and Booker has just been fucking belly-flopped by a giant honey mushroom. How much damage does he take?
Emily
The Damage Mallea does is 8.
Kyle
Plus 2 for the strike, plus 1 difference is 11.
Tom
Yeah, that was like half Booker’s health, just about.
Kyle
[Exasperated.] Jesus Christ… Jesus.
[Music ends.]
You better believe the kids are oohing and awing in response.
[00:25:00]
Even Ariel, one of their eyebrows just raises a little bit in intrigue. The School-Aid Man is jiving. The School-Aid Man is always happy to be here.
Tom
These are some heavy hitters we have out right now.
Kyle
How are you two responding to this?
Emily
Well, Booker, one of his little eyestalks pokes up before the other one and he’s just a little bit crooked for a second.
Emily (as Booker)
[Disoriented.] Rekoob…
Tom (as Hilda)
Oh my gosh! Booker, are you okay?
Emily (as Booker)
[Persistent.] Rekoob.
Emily
He looks a little embarrassed.
Tom (as Hilda)
Hey, hang in there. Hang in there. We’ve still got this.
Emily (as Booker)
[Determined.] Rekoob!
Emily
He pops back up and he’s ready to go.
Kyle
The little ghostly power light faded a little bit as Booker got shy before shooting out again. Ariel puts on sunglasses.
Tom
[Laughs.] Oh, I love it.
Emily
Irene made a little grabby hand at Mallea once he attacked and then she pets his giant arm.
Emily (as Irene)
You did well, my mushy.
Tom
Aww~! I love it.
Kyle
It’s on to the Mossies. What do the Mossies do?
Tom (as Mossies)
See-sawm…
Kyle
These little tiny moss balls that are the size of, if Mallea had fingers, Mallea’s fingers.
[Rock battle music begins.]
Emily
So, Irene learned her lesson. She realized that, okay, this Necromon is slightly buffer than we had originally planned for, but it’s fine because the Mossies also have a Signature Attack.
Emily (as Irene)
Mossies!
Emily
And she does her signature point again, but this time she does the other arm and does another step forward.
Emily (as Irene)
Surprise!
Emily
That is not the full name of the attack, but if she shouted out the full name of the attack every time, everybody would know. The name of the attack is Surprise, They have Teeth, because the moss balls have teeth.
Kyle
So these three moss balls—without any face, right?
Emily
Yeah.
Kyle
—just turn around and (shing)! These little tiny sharp knife-like teeth appear.
Emily
This is gonna be a misdirect attack. When this successfully hits, you can choose to deal half damage and disorient the target until your next turn instead of dealing damage as normal.
[Music ends.]
Kyle
Perfect. I would say this is either a Fierce attack or a Slick attack. Fierce because they’re getting up and biting. Slick because the surprise part of Surprise, They Have Teeth.
Emily
Yeah. I feel like it would be Fierce because the moss balls like to bite.
Kyle
What are the moss balls’ Quality?
Emily
Their Quality is Biting. [Laughs.]
Kyle
Alright! Each of you take a bonus die in addition to whatever the heck you had and give me a roll.
Emily
Okay, okay, okay. So…
Tom
Let’s go. Ho-ho!
Emily
[Rolls.] Okay. What did you get?
Tom
[Rolls.] I got four successes.
Emily
I didn’t get that many successes.
Kyle
Any sixes from either of you?
Emily
No.
Tom
None from me.
[Bouncy electronic music begins.]
Kyle
Alright. These little moss balls just start, like the Langoliers, jumping at Booker to go bite his face off. How does Booker deflect this using his hard cover?
Tom
I think Booker is mostly just trying to, like… after shaking off being dazed from just getting slammed down, Booker is trying to dodge and weave through them, but some of them grab on anyway and are just trying to (gnaw and gnash) into the cover and just get shaken off or poked away with his little paper legs.
Emily
Booker is mildly annoyed.
Tom
As the three of them are closing in from all sides, just like (bite-bite).
Emily
It’s like… He’s not concerned. He’s not uncomfortable. He’s just annoyed.
Kyle
Alright, and that is the end of our first round. So, we’re at the top of the round. Top of the round, nothing much special happens except this is one of the times you’re able to swap out Necromon. Hilda, I’m assuming you do not swap out your Necromon.
Tom
No, I don’t think I will.
Kyle
What about you, Irene?
Emily
When you say swap out…
Kyle
You can have up to three on the field at a time, so you can take—
Emily
So I can just bring out another one, correct?
Kyle
Yes.
Emily
Okay. I would like to do that thing.
Emily (as Irene)
Pokeyo, go!
[Music ends.]
Emily
This is Irene’s third Necromon. It kinda waddles out because it’s basically a barrel cactus with the little face and feets of an echidna.
Tom
Aww! Oh, I love it.
Emily
I really like this one.
[00:30:00]
I like all of them. I like them so much. I love her Necromon…
Tom
They’re all so good.
Kyle
Yeah, so Pokeyo is out on the field.
Emily (as Pokeyo)
Oh-ee-kope!
Kyle
Give me an Initiative roll for Pokeyo so we know where they go in the order.
Emily
[Silly sounds, searching their stats.] Initiative… 3, so gonna roll these three.
[Rolls.] And, we’re gonna have two successes there.
Kyle
Okay. Perfect. Any sixes there?
Emily
No.
[Silly ambling music begins.]
Kyle
This little adorable barrel cactus echidna just (“doo” sounds that imply gentle waddling)… and then Booker kills.
Emily
[Lets out a sad whimper.]
[Music changes to rock battle music.]
Tom
So, Hilda is still just very much unprepared for this. Like, what little training she had done with Booker was mostly like “Alright, now you’re gonna run very fast. You’re gonna do a little book smack.”
Emily (as Booker)
[Determined.] Rekoob~
Tom
But Hilda is going to look at Booker and say:
Tom (as Hilda)
Alright. Um… let’s see what you can do.
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoob!
Tom (as Hilda)
Let’s use… our full power!
Tom
She’s going to do a dramatic point, not smooth like Irene’s, but just like “eh,” a point.
Kyle
[Laughs.]
Emily
Irene’s eyes narrow.
Tom
What I’m trying to say is, without Hilda really knowing what this is going to be yet, I would like to use my Signature Attack: Page Turner Twister.
Emily (as Booker)
[Readying himself.] Rekoob!
Tom
What this means is Booker is essentially going to launch up into the air, spinning around ,and make a whirlwind vortex filled with razor-sharp pages being shot down out of the book. Think a Razor Leaf almost from a Pokémon, but book pages, and just a whole vortex of it swirling around the battlefield.
Kyle
What’s the effect of this one?
Tom
This is Multi-Hit.
Kyle
Multi-Hit: When you use this ability to attack, you can choose to target two or more enemies instead of just one. I’m assuming you’re attacking everything.
Tom
Yep.
Kyle
Make a single attack roll with setback against the highest Dodge among the targeted enemies. If successful, you deal damage equal to your Damage score to a number of enemies equal to the number of successes rolled on the attack. A setback means you have to roll 5 or better to succeed. So Emily, who’s your highest Dodge among your group?
Emily
Highest Dodge is… Good thing I brought out Pokeyo.
Kyle
Yeah, give me a roll.
Emily
[Wincing.] I don’t wanna roll… I’m too afraid.
[Music ends.]
Tom
Let’s go. Heart of the cards moment here.
[Rolls.] One success.
Emily
[Rolls.] I got two successes!
[Laughter.]
Tom
I have nothing but ones and twos. No sixes, in case you were wondering.
Emily
Two of mine are ones, but then I have a 5 and a 6.
Tom
Alright, so the Crit does go up. Booker—
Emily
[Smiling.] Booker’s out of practice, guys. It’s fine.
[Inspiring action music begins.]
Tom
You hear that theme song start to play. Booker leaps up into the air, does this whirlwind of pages…
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoob. Rekoob! Rekoob!
Tom
…spreading out over the entire arena.
Emily (as Booker)
[Shakily.] Rekoob…
Tom
Maybe I’m going too far in saying this, but I want to imagine one of the Necromon is sheltering the other two.
Emily
Mallea’s hat.
Tom
Aww!
Emily
Mallea has squatted down over the other two Necromon and his hat covers them all.
Tom
Aww. Everyone’s on the edge of their seats as the whirlwind clears.
Kyle
And the first thing you see when the dust fades is two eyes glaring at you.
Tom
[Uneasy.] Hmm…
[Music carries out to the announcements.]
Kyle
Greetings, and hello, to the late night announcement break. I’m Kyle, coming to you live from 12:31 AM my time. Today we have announcements for you, specifically… today’s the promo day, today’s the ad day.
We are now three episodes into Hereafter. I really hope you’re enjoying our ghost and ghouls themed story. Now that you’ve been here for a couple of episodes and we’ve grabbed your attention, now is the time for promotion, now is the time to ask for money. [Laughs.]
Specifically, today I want to talk about our Patreon, Patreon.com/QuestFriends. If you’re the kind of person who wants more content, more stuff in the vein of what we do here on this podcast… over at Patreon, not only do we have additional short stories every month, we also have video outtakes and there are actually many outtakes that we don’t put in the show itself because the visual component is so important to it.
But, maybe your focus is more on doing stuff for your own game, you really focus on the roleplaying aspect. Not only do we have my GM notes for each adventure there, but monthly we release additional Under the Neighborhood content.
[00:35:00]
This may be new mechanics, this may be new character options, this may be new worlds to play in, things that you can do in your own game at home.
But we’ve got more stuff than just that. We’ve got chat logs from our Zoom chat during the sessions, we’ve got quarterly Quest Friends! Prints… there’s a lot of stuff that, if you go over to that page, you can see all separated out by tier.
If you join now, you’ll be able to add to our new and burgeoning Patreon Discord community. This is a Patreon-only Discord where fans can discuss the show, discuss their own games… it’s loosey-goosey. We’re trying to figure out what we want to make of it.
Additionally, once we get 50 Patreon backers, we’re gonna start doing a monthly behind the scenes podcast where we go over what happened last episode and… we’re figuring that out. We know we want it to be casual, we know we want it to be a fun kind of talky time, but if you get in with those 50 subscribers and get in at the ground level you can help us determine what exactly that fun additional podcast will be like.
I don’t just want to come here and say “hey, we have all these great things… but you have to pay us money to see it.” So, if you’d like a preview of the kind of stuff we have over on our Patreon, you can check the description where down there I have a link to a Google Doc showing you basically a free sample of every single perk that we could.
So, either check the link below or just go to Patreon.com/QuestFriends and scroll through the posts to see the kind of stuff we have to offer. If you are interested in that stuff and you have the money to spend, we’d really love if you can join our Patreon community.
Alright, the self-promo is done. Now it’s onto time for promo for somebody else. Let’s get going!
As I mentioned last episode, we’ll have probably about one promo for another show each episode. Today we’re actually gonna talk about Nation of Animation and Blank City Nowhere which are two podcasts with overlapping cast and crew.
Nation of Animation is a biweekly cartoon book club podcast which covers animated shows and movies from all eras and all subjects, and they do special investigations into the real issues like the best cartoon couples, March madness for SpongeBob episodes, and the best anime to show to your significant other.
Meanwhile, Blank City Nowhere is an actual play anthology podcast telling one story of one place using a variety of different games and systems. If that interests you, you can join them every other Thursday as they build a collage of a world with new games and characters in the same overarching world.
You can find these shows on Twitter and Instagram at @cartoonbookclub or at @BlankCityPod, or down in the description, and down there you will also find a link to a crossover episode they did where they played Under the Neighborhood, the game that we’re doing for Hereafter. Once you’re done with this episode, I’d encourage you to go down, check out some of those free posts on our Patreon, and then also check out that Nation of Animation and Blank City Nowhere crossover where they played Under the Neighborhood.
Our next episode, Bang! Bang!, will be releasing on Monday, May 16, but if you’d like additional stories, podcasts, or behind the scenes videos, you can find them at… where else but Patreon.com/QuestFriends. I do hope that I will see you there.
[Silly ambling music carries out of the announcements.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
Okay. Okay. Um… You know what? I am the first reporter on scene.
Hallie
Then she’s going to get out her notebook again and she’s got a little audio recorder just for her to take notes.
Hallie (as Sparky)
This is Sparky Malarky on scene at Park Ridge Avenue and Elm Street corner where hordes and hordes of Necromice of unknown origin are running down the street followed by hordes and hordes of… toucans? …of large birds, also origins unknown. I don’t think we’ve ever seen a Necromon problem this bad since, um, ever. ScubaCorp must be to blame. This is probably a conspiracy.
Ari (as Quique)
That isn’t helping, Sparky.
Kyle (as Quique copies)
That isn’t helping, Sparky.
Ari (as Quique)
Yes. Okay. Listen, listen. I think that the source of this problem is in this box, so I think that, if we destroy this box, this issue is going to go away.
[00:40:00]
Kyle (as Quique copies)
Yeah, absolutely. If we destroy this box—Wait a second.
[Threatening music begins.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
This just in: Bystander says that local hardware store is responsible for this and some…
Ari (as Quique)
No, listen. Don’t think too much about it—
Kyle (as Quique copies)
Wait a second. No wait, if we—
Hallie (as Sparky)
…ship-shoddy marksmanship and inadequate advertising of products…
Ari (as Quique)
Don’t think too much about it. Just destroy the box.
Hallie (as Sparky)
…led to this, so we need stricter commercialism.
Ari (as Quique)
Sparky, could you destroy this box instead of doing whatever—
Hallie (as Sparky)
[To herself, ignoring Quique.] That’s not what I wanna say…
Ari (as Quique)
That’s not helping anybody.
Ari
And he’s gonna take the box from Sparky or something.
Kyle (as Quique copies)
I don’t think—
Hallie (as Sparky)
I thought YOU destroyed the box!
Ari (as Quique)
I tried, and now there’s a bunch of different mes around. At first I wanted that, but now I think that this is even more a big complication.
[Music ends abruptly.]
Kyle
As you say that, the Quiques are gone.
Ari (as Quique)
What? Why are they gone?
Kyle
You see a horde of Quiques holding onto the box, running down the street.
Ari
No!
Hallie
[Laughing.] What?! Why are they running with the box?!
Tom
So they don’t cease to exist.
Hallie
What the fuck?!
Tom
They’re trying to save their lives.
Hallie
Oh my god… Oh no.
[Comical frantic chase music begins.]
Kyle
We’re gonna do a confrontation. Again, a confrontation is essentially what happens when we have an extended sort of conflict. It can be anything from a chase to a duel to anything like that. The Quiques’ goal is to escape with the box. Because there are so many Quiques and they’re struggling to communicate, I’m gonna give them a clock of 5. If their clock fills 5, they get away with the box. You have a clock of 4. Your goal is to—unless you have a different goal, but I figure your goal is to destroy and/or catch the box.
Hallie
Yeah, we’re gonna get this box.
Ari
Oh, so now you’re on the same team, Sparky? I thought she was going to—
Hallie
Well, she was going to be.
Kyle
As you argue, one of their clocks fills.
[Laughter.]
Ari
No!
Hallie
She’s still recording.
Hallie (as Sparky)
An unexpected dilemma. The town turns to a hero. Who will step up? Perhaps an intrepid reporter who happened to be the first person on the scene.
Ari (as Quique)
Because you caused this! You caused the scene. That’s why you are the first person on the scene.
Ari
Anyways. If they’re just running, can I just get in my car? I don't know if he would take Sparky, really, but…
[Music ends.]
Kyle
You could, but reminder that Necromice and swooping birds are flooding the streets.
Ari
That is true. Are all of the birds gone? What if, like… hear me out. Can Tucán Necromon fly, and is OG Tucán still around? Can I use it as my noble steed to catch the other birds?
Hallie
[Laughs.] It is a really big bird.
Tom
And Quique is only bones, significantly lighter than a normal person.
Ari
Hallie had an idea too.
Hallie
I have one, but it is predicated on—when all the Necromice duplicated, did the audio equipment that was on them duplicate as well?
Kyle
Yes.
Hallie
I would like to cause an audio interference, which I assume that I can do. I don't know…
Tom
You’re gonna feedback the entire town!
Hallie
My little recorder. Well no, just on the… well, you know, the entire town’s been run over by mice.
Tom
But the mouse are everywhere now.
Hallie
No. No… I’m gonna, like—
Tom
No, I want you to do it, I’m just emphasizing the cataclysm you’re about to unleash upon the town.
Hallie
[Laughs.] Okay. Yeah, like you know, it happens.
Kyle
Okay, yeah, both of you do that. Quique, I am going to say, because I don’t want you to convince the bird again… the bird is your friend. Tucán’s your friend, and he knows that. I want you to roll to Take Action to swoop onto Tucán and fly through the air while, Sparky, you are going to roll to Touch the Other Side.
Hallie
Yeah.
Kyle
Which is a Books roll we do for something that is either from the other world, so if you’re interacting with something from the Hereafter, or something from your world that is beyond your knowledge.
Hallie
However, Sparky has an ability called Shoot First, Ask Questions Later, which means that I can use Fierce for Touch the Other Side or Understand instead of Books. So I get a +2.
Kyle
Alright. How are you using Fierce instead? Are you just slamming the buttons, or—?
Hallie
Oh, for sure! The best way to get janky audio equipment that’s very old to work is just by hitting it repeatedly. Everybody knows this. We all know this.
Kyle
Each of you give me a roll.
Hallie
[Rolls… it tumbles away.] Fuck!
Ari
[Rolls.] So, 10.
Hallie
Seven.
Tom
Hey! It’s a mixed success.
Hallie
Hey~ Look at that.
Ari
Hey~
Kyle
Because of Quique’s success, your clock fills by 1, so you’re at 2 out of 4 filled. Quique’s filled by 1, and then Sparky’s filled by 1 as well, but mixed success filled both. Right now you’re at 2 out of 4 filled and they’re at 2 out of 5 filled.
Hallie
Okay.
Kyle
Let’s start with Quique.
[00:45:00]
Quique, describe how you and Tucán, the Kingpecker that looks nothing like a toucan, race in the sky to catch the other Quiques.
[Ghostly action music begins.]
Ari
They just… I feel like they lock eyes and they kind of have this mutual understanding. “Oh, so many of us around is going to be a problem.” So, Tucán is going to start running while Quique is just jumping to mount the bird as it’s starting to fly in this majestic maneuver that cannot be replicated even if Quique tried. It’s one of those accidental things that worked really well somehow.
Kyle
It’s because Tucán the Kingpecker remembered the way in which you caught the ship in the bottle and it catches you the same way.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Ari
[Smiling.] Yes! Oh my god.
Emily
They have such a beautiful relationship. I’m invested.
Hallie
We’re really tying it all together here.
Ari
He’s going to…
Ari (as Quique)
Oh, thank you, old pal.
Ari
…or something like that, even though he just met him that same day.
Hallie
Old friend.
Tom
God.
Kyle
What the fuck is this?
Ari
I don't know. I guess he has a Necromon friend now.
Kyle
I know I didn’t have this half of the session planned, but what the fuck is happening?
Ari
I don't know, but Quique has his noble steed now.
Kyle
Anyways. You race down the street towards the other Quiques. As you do, Sparky, you’re pressing every button you can and suddenly this pulse spreads out across the entire town. All the Quiques up front are like:
Kyle (as Quique copies)
Ow! Ow! What? Why?
Kyle
Unfortunately, you are also a Quique, so you’re also disoriented by that sound.
Ari
Oh no!
Hallie
[Laughs.] Sorry.
Kyle
Some of the Quiques break off. You can see they turn right and start racing towards the school.
[Music changes to battle music over the radio. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
In the gymnasium, the lights flicker and the boom box fades a little bit.
[Music slows and ends.]
Emily (as Irene)
You should give up. You’re clearly outmatched even if your Necromon is powerful.
Tom (as Hilda)
Well… Are you okay, Booker? You still good?
Emily
Now that the spin… Booker got dizzy. He hasn’t practiced this, at least not in a while, so he’s just flat-out book with his little eyes a little bit droopy like he’s just gotta take a second.
Emily (as Booker)
[Disoriented.] Rekoob…
Tom (as Hilda)
Ha! That’s… You—You wish.
[Clears her throat.] I’ve got too much riding on this battle to just give up.
[Upbeat sports battle music begins.]
It’s just like the Aggressive Bandit says, you never know how a duel will turn out until the very end.
Emily (as Irene)
I live by those words every day, but I also know that I’m the best.
Pokeyo, Barreling In!
Emily
The Signature Attack for Pokeyo is Energy Drain. When you deal damage with this attack, you also regain Res Points equal to the level of the target. Pokeyo’s Quality is Healing, so the idea was that they would go in and could help out the other Necromon with their attack.
Kyle
How does it do the drain? How does it do the drain and convert it? What’s the setup we’ve got here? Do we have this Mallea just riding on top of Pokeyo, or…?
Emily
No! It’s a cactus.
Kyle
Mallea’s tough.
Emily
I was picturing kind of like… I don’t want it to be like creepy blood draining, so I thought more of an energy pulling, like the spines sort of pull out the energy a little bit.
Tom
What if it’s not blood but just moisture?
Kyle
Ooh, that’s fun.
Emily
From a book!
Tom
Yes, just drying out this book.
Kyle
Booker really has it around it, but all of these mon in this arena have that bluish aura around them, so we can just say that we’re pulling some of that.
Tom
I mean, that is what’s happening, isn’t it? Because no one’s actually getting “hurt” hurt, it’s just a shield around everybody.
Kyle
Exactly.
Emily
What I pictured was electricity jumping from one thing to another like a little lightning or shocks and stuff.
Kyle
I like that.
Emily
But around the little spines.
Tom
So you’re saying this is a little static cactus echidna.
Emily
Yeah! They charge up their little spines and get all the energy and then just waddle over to whichever Necromon needs healing.
Tom
Scuffling their feet around on the floor to build up static.
Emily
[Squeaks in delight.]
Kyle
Alright. Yeah, you can see almost the energy around Pokeyo, the aura starting to do that static already. Give me a roll.
Tom
I’m going to say something that I think I will regret deeply later on. While I think Hard Cover applies to most defenses, I don’t think a drain… the Hard Cover should matter, because that doesn’t matter, it’s an energy drain.
[Music ends.]
[00:50:00]
Kyle
I agree completely.
Tom
If it was an energy blast, maybe, but…
Kyle
I agree completely.
Tom
[Rolls.] Two successes?
Emily
[Rolls.] I got two successes too. I also have one 6.
Tom
I also have one 6. How do ties handle?
Kyle
According to the rulebook, if an attacker rolls equal to or more than the number of successes of the defender, assuming they rolled at least one success, the attack hits.
Tom
Which means that attack hit. You succeeded.
Kyle
How much damage does that do?
Emily
Um… Oh, that’s fine, it’s only 4.
Tom
That could be worse.
Kyle
It’s still a real bad shock, like one of those joke buzzer hand things. It’s gonna smart for a while.
Tom
It’s a full third of Booker’s remaining Res Points.
Emily
Pokeyo waddles back over, crackling with this energy, and just bumps their little head up against Mallea.
Tom
Aww.
Emily
And Mallea straightens up a little bit as the energy goes around and charges him up a little bit.
Tom
It’s a little snoot boop.
Emily
Yeah!
Kyle
It’s cute. You can see Mallea perk up, but something about the way Mallea perks up feels a bit more than what 4 Health would do, because the Critical Gauge is filled.
[Rock battle music begins.]
The Critical Gauge is a way to make sure that, as battles go on, they don’t just drag out and instead really fun dynamic things happen. It can only fill once during a combat, and once it does, any player character can make a super-powered action. Normally, it happening during an enemy’s turn, not a big deal.. … Emily is a player character though.
Emily
Irene… her cheeks are still pink, not quite as bad, because she’s really excited about her Necromon doing well, but she’s clearly not forgotten what happened earlier. She’s not over the fact that Booker got a hit in. So, she puts her hands on her hips and plants her feet. Heh… plants. Get it?
Kyle
[Chuckles.]
Emily
She’s going to take advantage of the Critical Meter filling? Those are the correct words?
Kyle
Critical Gauge, but close enough.
Emily
Critical Gauge filling! She is going to do a Critical Gauge Attack.
Kyle
So a Critical Combo Attack?
Emily
Gosh darn it. A Critical Combo Attack!
Emily (as Irene)
Hilda!
Tom (as Hilda)
Huh?
Emily (as Irene)
You’ve put up a valiant effort, but it was for naught!
Tom (as Hilda)
[Uneasy sounds.]
Emily (as Irene)
Mallea! Mossies! Pokeyo!
[Music ends.]
Get that weed out of your garden!
Emily
She points both her hands, like “fly, my pretties.”
Kyle
Before you can even register what’s going on, these things charge Booker.
Emily (as Booker)
[Scared.] Rekoob!
Kyle
Because what a Critical Combo Attack is, in a short version, every single PC Necromon involved in an attack can attack an enemy, and then Tom has a setback in addition to that.
Tom
So only 5 or higher, right?
Kyle
Yeah. Let’s go in order. Let’s do Mallea, Mossies, and then the Pokeyo.
Emily
Wait, no, we’re gonna start with Pokeyo.
Kyle
Okay. So Tom, you do not get the Hard Cover for this, and then Emily, roll the same as you did for Pokeyo last time.
Emily
Okay.
[Rolls.] Ooh… that’s three.
Tom
Only two.
Kyle
Alright, who’s next?
Emily
Mallea.
Kyle
Alright, so each of you get your Quality for that one.
Emily
[Rolls.] That’s three.
Tom
[Rolls.] I also got three.
Kyle
Then finally, last but certainly not least, the stars of the show, the Mossies.
Tom
[Rolls.] Oh yeah, that’s… hmm.
Emily
[Rolls.] That’s two.
Tom
I only got one.
Kyle
So Emily, take the damage that Mallea does, then add the damage that Pokeyo does, then add the damage that Mossies do, then add 2 and tell me how much damage Booker takes.
Emily
[Smiling.] Ooh, I’m so sorry.
Tom
Why are you apologizing?
Emily
It’s 23.
Tom
Twenty-three damage?!
Emily
It’s 23.
Tom
That would have one-shot me. That is my max Res Points. This would have one-shot Booker from full health.
Kyle
Describe…!
Tom
You gotta—
Kyle
Describe! I don’t—
[Flustered.] Jesus take the wheel, and by that I mean Irene, take the wheel. I’m sitting back.
[Cool rock music begins.]
Emily
So, Irene trains a lot. This is part of how she bonds with her Necromon. So, their whole “Weed the Garden” is a whole choreographed routine.
First off, Pokeyo kneads the carpet sort of and shuffles around and starts gathering up some energy and then charges up Mallea. Mallea, having some of this energy on him now, picks up the moss balls one by one, charges them up, and chucks them at Booker.
[00:55:00]
And the moss balls, as they’re being chucked, do little screams—not like upset screams but gleeful, ready to bite.
Tom (as Mossies)
See-sawm… See-sawm…!
Tom
From this flurry of attacks, as like… I don't know if this is an actual effect, but maybe the blue barrier shatters or whatever to signify the Pokémon is out. Booker flies out into Hilda who’s just knocked off the arena into one of those foam mats along the gym wall and then plops down onto the mats on the floor. Babcia Ania’s Revised Book of Practical Jokes and Clownery is just lying there next to Hilda, splayed out spread-eagle on the floor. She just pats the cover a little bit.
Tom (as Hilda)
Hey you… you did good.
Emily (as Booker)
[Exhausted.] Rekoob…
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
So what are you gonna do? Quique or Sparky. But Sparky is like two blocks away now.
Hallie
I’m a little bit behind. Do I happen to be near a store that sells Necromon cards? How many would I need, and how expensive are they?
Ari
Oh my god.
Tom
Are you going to spend all of your money on Poké Balls, and all of your Poké Balls on Zubat, and by that I mean these mice?
Hallie
Yes, and then I’m gonna sell them.
Kyle
How many AP do you have?
Hallie
None.
Kyle
I’m trying to figure out what the fuck this kind of roll would be, because normally it’s—
Hallie
Yeah, I have no fucking idea, because it feels like a lot of chained things, but that’s what I wanna do.
Kyle
I’m gonna say this. It costs a lot.
Hallie
Can I go into debt? Let me go into debt, man.
Kyle
You can’t spend an AP, but I will let you buy all of them.
Hallie
Woohoo!
Kyle
But I am going to hold a hard move, essentially a free GM Intrusion, about the fact that you have maxed out your credit card on Necromon cards.
Hallie
[Laughs.] Yeah, that’s fine. I allow it. I accept that.
Kyle
Alright. Yeah, you walk in.
Kyle (as cashier)
Oh hey! You were here earlier to buy the thing that—
Kyle (as owner)
The thing that worked really well, yeah. [Chuckles.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
[Slams the counter.] Give me all of your Necrocards or I will write a scathing exposé of this store on my blog.
Kyle (as cashier)
Uh… All—?
Kyle (as owner)
Do it, kid. Sparky Malarky doesn’t joke.
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I make eyes at this man. I do the two fingers from my eyes to his eyes thing.
Kyle
Because you went into debt for that, because it didn’t feel right to roll, I will count that as a full success.
Hallie
Yes!
Kyle
You are three fourths of the way filled. Sparky, you are taking these cards and just throwing them at all the mon.
Hallie
I’m just throwing cards! I’m just throwing cards Seto Kaiba style at all these fucking mice. I’m gonna have so much mice.
Kyle
Actually, roll me a 1d100.
Hallie
A 1d100?
Kyle
Yeah.
Hallie
[Rolls.] Do-do-do… 49.
Kyle
Alright. I was gonna do the top half, so you collect 51 mice.
Hallie
Woohoo!
Ari
Oh my god!
Hallie
That’s over half.
Ari
The number of original Pokémon of the top—almost, 151.
Hallie
[Shrieks and laughs.] Almost!
Kyle
Yeah, let’s up it. You have 151.
Hallie
I have 151 Necromice! Oh my god. I’m so weirdly happy about that. Look at things working out. I have all these mice now.
Kyle
Meanwhile, Quique, you hear Quiques say:
[Whimsical chase music begins.]
Kyle (as Quique copies)
You’ll never catch us alive! … A-dead! You’ll never catch us adead! Ha, that’s a joke you wouldn’t make, but we can make because we’re alive and thriving and we can make humor and jokes!
Tom
The clones are diverging too much.
Ari (as Quique)
Ugh. Am I really like this? Am I really like this? Please tell me I’m not really like this, Tucán.
Anyways. I guess I’ll have to deal with this later. Maybe Ariel is right. Maybe I am not a cool uncle.
Hallie
Oh my god!
Tom
Aww!
Ari (as Quique)
I’ll deal with this. I’ll deal with this later.
Hallie
I’ll deal with the existential crisis later.
Ari
Anyways, Quique is eyes on the prize, still going for the box.
Kyle
You’re gonna swoop down to catch it?
Ari
Yeah.
Kyle
Roll me to Keep Your Cool.
Ari
Okay, let’s go. Let’s see, Keep Your Cool, that’s Slick, right?
Kyle
Yeah.
Ari
[Rolls.] What is this? Ooh, that’s uh… 13? Yeah, because I have +2 Slick.
[Music changes to tense chase music.]
Kyle
The other Quiques, one of them bursts into VPS Junior High and they all split, and scatter.
Ari
Oh my god! No!
Hallie
Oh my god! Oh my god.
Kyle
You have your eyes on the prize. You’re laser-focused. You are the true Quique. You’re deftly going through walls, through halls. The stickers on Mr. Jimothy’s desk flutter up and fly dramatically into the trash where they belong. You’re following this Quique who’s like:
Kyle (as Quique copy)
No! No, I’m the original second. That makes me the truest DupliQuique!
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Kyle
And he bursts out a back door dramatically.
[01:00:00]
He runs out and he gets up to the gymnasium. He runs around to the side outside the gymnasium. We can faintly hear the music and the battle inside.
Kyle (as DupliQuique)
[Pants.] Is he gone? Is he missing?
Kyle
And then just a dramatic [thud, thud)… a bird lands in front of him.
[Laughter.]
Ari (as Quique)
Hand me the box, Enrique.
Kyle (as DupliQuique)
You’re Enrique… I’m not Quique, I’m a QuiClone, and I live by it! I stand by it! You’ll never have this box! We won’t let you.
Ari (as Quique)
And what are you gonna do to not let me, eh? I can just grab it whenever. It would just have to be broken or something. Otherwise, I could just grab it. Would you want that?
Ari
He’s just extending his hand.
Kyle (as DupliQuique)
No… No, I don’t want that. I don't know what I want. I have your memories of what I want, but what do “I” want?! … I want to live! I want to laugh! I want to love! My family, the world!
Ari (as Quique)
Well, there can only be one of us, and I am sorry that it can’t be you. I really am. Because I think that you also would benefit from having your own life. But, what if I make you the promise to, because you are me, live my not-life life even to the fullest now?
[Music ends.]
Kyle (as DupliQuique)
[Somber.] It’ll keep making more, won’t it? There will be too many of me. And when everyone’s me… no one is. … You promise?
[Overdramatic tragic music begins.]
Ari (as Quique)
Listen. Listen. I promise that I will do all of those things you want to do and more.
Ari
[Laughing.] He’s going to extend his hand to make a pinky promise to live his life even more to the fullest for all of the Quiques. I’m sorry, I feel like this is—
Hallie
It’s a pinQuique promise.
Tom
This has gotten out of hand!
Hallie
Why have you done this?
Ari
This is extremely derailed. I don't know how to back up.
Hallie
We can’t! It’s too late!
Tom
It’s too late.
Hallie
It’s too fucking late!
Kyle
The other Quique reaches his hand out, but before giving you the pinky, clenches his fist and says:
Kyle (as DupliQuique)
You’ll even do the streak of hair dye that Ariel asked for? Even though we don’t have hair.
Ari (as Quique)
Yeah… I’ll even do that.
Kyle
You feel, resting on your pinky, not another pinky but a box.
Ari (as Quique)
I really am sorry that you couldn’t live more, but I will live more for you.
Kyle (as DupliQuique)
Don’t worry, Quique…
[Sniffles.] We both know it was Sparky’s fault anyway.
Tom
[Laughs.]
Kyle
And he fades away as Sparky notices all of her Necrocards…
Ari
[Grinning.] yes.
Kyle
…except for one…
Hallie
Fuck!
Kyle
…containing a single Necromouse…
Hallie
God damn it!
Kyle
…go blank again.
[Music ends.]
Hallie
I was gonna sell them! I can’t sell blank Necromon cards! Maybe I could, there’s a tournament coming up…
God damn it! I have one Necromouse! I wrote that on my character sheet too. I was like “you have so many mice,” and now I have one. I have one mouse and it’s Pepito. I have Pepito. Great.
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
Meanwhile, Hilda, as you gain your bearings, you notice that the kids are silent. Some stare at you. Walnut especially is just eyes-wide staring. Some stare at the stage. You can see Freddie in the bleachers is just sitting there, almost like processing what happened, and then his large square head does a big turn and he says to no one in particular:
Kyle (as Freddie)
That was so cool!
[Crowd cheering SFX. Upbeat indie rock music begins.]
Kyle
And all the kids just start screaming in excitement.
Kyle (as kids)
What’s an Ultra Necromon?!
My Necromon’s an Ultra Necromon.
No it isn’t an Ultra Necromon! It’s just a Necromouse.
Did you see what it did? Ah! There was that big vortex but then none of them were affected! And then they did the weed thing, and—
Kyle
They’re all just shouting, excited.
Ariel reaches into this bag that they’ve had at their side and they just kind of half-heartedly throw celebration confetti onto the field, not for Irene’s victory or for you winning, but in response to the School-Aid Man. The School-Aid Man is doing the double thumbs up thing, just dancing to the back, dancing to one side, dancing to the other. When you get up, the School-Aid Man looks to you and does a double thumbs up to solidify, yeah, you got in.
[01:05:00]
Tom
Hilda is just going to, before actually getting off the floor, just do a little “woo,” squeal and arm shake.
Emily (as Booker)
[Weak but delighted.] Rekoob… Rekoob!
Emily
Booker is excited for her.
Tom (as Hilda)
[Hushed.] Booker, we did it!
Emily (as Booker)
[Hushed.] Rekoob!
Tom
Hilda will scoop up Booker, re-climb the steps onto the arena, and say:
[Music ends.]
Tom (as Hilda)
Um… yeah, that was really awesome, Irene. I was definitely not prepared for how cool your Necromon were.
Emily (as Irene)
Hmph… True.
Tom
[Laughs.]
Emily
Now that it’s over, Irene is gonna walk over to her Necromon. As she gets closer, they kind of shrink down a little bit. She scoops up the Mossies and puts two of them in one pocket and the third one in the other pocket. She sets Mallea on her shoulder, and she sticks Pokeyo on her other shoulder.
Tom (as Hilda)
I guess I’ll see you around the club?
Emily (as Irene)
[Huffs.] If you’re going to be a part of the club, then you need to get better at things.
Tom (as Hilda)
Yeah…
Emily (as Irene)
I noticed that you also didn’t… You don’t have cards.
Tom (as Hilda)
Well, I have cards, but um, I only have Booker and he doesn’t like cards, so I—
Emily (as Irene)
Nobody does that except me.
Tom (as Hilda)
And now me too?
[Ghostly credits music begins.]
Emily (as Irene)
Fine.
Emily
Then she swings her arm back, and she swings it up over her head, and she swings it forward and points her finger probably a centimeter from your nose.
Emily (as Irene)
You’re my rival now.
[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]
Emily (as Irene)
But you’re going to have to earn it, too, because I can demote you from my rival just as easily as promote you to rival!
Kyle
[Grinning.] I could fucking fire you. I could fire you as my rival.
Tom (as Hilda)
Well, you’re going to have to get used to me, Hilda Miszkiewicz, the master of, of, of… trickery I guess?
Emily (as Booker)
[Supportive.] Rekoob!
Tom (as Hilda)
Yes! And Booker, the Ultra book Necromon.
Emily (as Irene)
Go train, and then face me again and get beaten again, and then go train more, and then face me again and get beaten!
Tom
[Laughs.]
Kyle
The only other thing, which I’m gonna cut entirely—because I was gonna end with Walnut, Freddie and Hilda walking off as Quique does whatever he does… Again, I’m gonna cut this, but I was gonna have the School Aid Man—I was gonna have, underneath his Bandit mask, one of the eyes start to whir to reveal that it was yet another ScubaCorp camera secretly watching Hilda.
Hallie
ScubaCorp has invaded the School-Aid Man. Is nothing sacred? Come on, man.
Kyle
Well they haven’t, now. That has been stripped from the canon.
Hallie
Good. God will forgive you this time.
Emily
I was gonna have her say her last name, but then I couldn’t remember if Irene had heard it.
Tom
I think I only said it right there at the end.
Kyle
Yeah. I think Ariel calls for Hilda Miszkiewicz. {says it very flatly, very American}
Emily
Gotcha.
Kyle
If it’s alright with you, Tom, I’m probably gonna have the school or official things butcher Miszkiewicz but then do Miszkiewicz normally. {first flatly, then with proper accenting}
Tom
Yeah, that’s fine. I butchered it for 27…? Yeah, 27 and a half years of my life. Either because I was just not able to understand or I was just—no one cared enough to correct me.
Kyle
You feel, resting on your pinky, not another pinky but a box.
Emily
Aww.
Kyle
Which is immediately too heavy for it and it just falls down and breaks on the ground.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Ari
Aww…
Kyle
What the fuck are we doing? What is this show?
Hallie
I don't fucking know, but I love it!
Ari
I don't know. This has gone wildly out of our hands.
Kyle
Why are we on Adventure 2 and we already have a—
Tom
This is very existential for the second episode and I’m deeply upset. I have my hand on the X-Card button, ready to delete all of this.
Ari
There was an episode of the Flintstones when I was little where there were just a bunch of clones of Fred Flintstone and it was the fucking scariest shit. I got so scared when I was a kid and I cried at that episode, and this reminds me of that episode a little bit.
Emily
[Sobs.]
Tom
Aww!
[01:10:00]
Ari
It was so scary.
Hallie
I am really sorry that Quique had to go through all that, though, because of what I did. [Laughs.]
Ari
No you’re not.