In order to find his criminal, Hop finds himself.
Listen as he:
DIAGRAMS murderous motivation!
CHARTS scalable sexiness!
MAPS OUT fortuitous futures!
TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version):
[Calming, thoughtful, piano song plays.]
Kyle
Alright, so, Hop, you have a couple of hours until you and...Joe, who I'll still refer to as Beatrice, until you and Beatrice kind of meet up again. So, what are you gonna do in this time? How are you gonna collect your clues?
Hallie
Okay. Well, [Thoughtful noise.] so, my working theory is that someone chopped the head off and then poured water over the ice to make it look like it had melted off. I think that, because it's so hot, the water can't have been there for very long. Or it would have evaporated. So, I'd like to do a quick search of the area to see if I can find, like a glass or a canteen or a bottle of some kind.
Kyle
Give me a roll. Give me--roll me a 1d20.
Hallie
[Dice rolling.]
Another eight!
Kyle
Alright, you go around, and it takes you a while. So out of your--I’m gonna say you have three hours—
Hallie
Ok.
Kyle
I'm gonna say this takes a half hour of that time.
Hallie
Sure.
Kyle
But you eventually find a canteen. And it's a pretty normal canteen, except it's got really artificial bedazzlements on it, and it tries to be looking a lot fancier than it is. And next to it, and this is the really weird thing, attached to it, you see a small canteen.
Hallie
Okay, which makes me feel like it belongs to...the mayor. Cause he's got a rabbit. Uh, If I study the ice sculpture one more time, I wouldn't be able to tell what the weapon, if it was like an axe or a sword…
Kyle
No.. It's..
Hallie
Okay, Simon's twelve, he doesn't know that much.. Okay...
Kyle
[Laughter.] Well actually no, gimme a role to see if he pull it, and you're actually gonna get advantage cause of the Jameson Hopper stories.
Hallie
Woo!
[Dice rolling.]
A three!
Kyle
You remember a time when Jameson Hopper saw a statue like this with a hat on it, and then suddenly...nothing happened. It's a history book, so things don't always happen, so it was really a very dull chapter. They spend most of the time describing the dimples of the statue.
Hallie
Alright, young Simon is not rolling very well .
Kyle
It's almost like he's twelve!
Hallie
It's almost like he's twelve! So uh, twelve year old Hop is gonna make his way to the way to the mayor's house. I assume I know where that is.
Kyle
Yeah. You can make your way to the mayor's office.
Hallie
I'm being sneaky about it though, like I don't want people to see me.
Kyle
Okay!
Hallie
I'm not quite like Kronk in 'Emperor's New Groove' where he's like 'duh tuh ta tuh duh' like coming with his own theme music, but I'm definitely getting into it.
Kyle
Okay so you sneak into the large glass building, which is city hall. And what do you do when you get to the front of the glistening glass columns of city hall, which you can see from the outside because again, it's all fucking glass.
Hallie
Right. [Laughter.]
Kyle
You can see a main lobby area, you can see the police station, which has one police officer; she's asleep. And then up on the second floor, there's a lobby and then there is this opaque glass room which is the mayor's office.
Hallie
Aww, damnit, it's on the second floor?
Kyle
Yeah.
Hallie
Okay. There's no, like, tree, outside the mayor's office is there?
Kyle
The area where Dunshire is, there's usually a lot of foliage but Dunshire is a bit more dry, but next to the mayor's office… You see, the Unity Tree, a symbol of the grand unity between all the citizens of Dunshire. It reaches all the way up to the mayor's office, but it is very old and it looks like a stiff wind can knock it over.
Hallie
Okay so, hmm, I did not think of the implication of glass buildings when trying to sneak through places.
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I just didn't think about it. So there's a lobby on the second floor that goes into the mayor's office…
Kyle
Yes.
Hallie
And I'm assuming there's a secretary or receptionist outside?
Kyle
Yup! Her name's Julie. She's nice.
Hallie
Do you know what, I'm just gonna go direct, I'm still holding the canteen, right?
Kyle
Yeah.
Hallie
I wanna go into the office and just speak to nice Julie.
Kyle
Okay. Julie when she sees you is like:
Kyle (as Julie)
Hey Simon! Would you like some candy?
Kyle
And she pulls out a glass bowl that has a bunch of raisins in it.
Hallie
Just raisins… [Laughter.] You know what, Hop probably likes raisins
Kyle
[Laughter.]
Hallie
He'll say thank you politely [Laughter.] and take a handful…
Kyle (as Julie)
By the way, congratulations on your graduation to royalty.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Oh! Uh, thank you!
Hallie
And then, uh, he'll shrug a little bit cause the king and queen don't do anything right?
Kyle
No, it's like prom king and prom queen—
Hallie
[Laughter.] Yeah, okay!
Kyle And it's like for a day, but, Dunshire has literally nothing else.
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle
So they get super into uh, the king and queen.
Hallie
I can see the mayor through the glass walls, I'm assuming.
Kyle
You can see him kind of pacing back and forth—
Hallie
Kay!
Kyle
And you can see his shape and you can kinda see him just kinda yelling, being like:
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
What are we gonna do, Amber?! I just, I don't know, my reputations is gonna be ruined forever! Like, this is, this is a bad thing to happen!
Hallie
Okay, you know what? Hops' gonna take a direct route. He respects authority, he thinks this is probably gonna be a helpful route. So he's just gonna tell Miss Julie:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Excuse me, miss, but I think the mayor is upset about a sculpture that melted in the garden and I have some information for him.
Kyle
Julie is the one person in town who doesn't discount your ideas immediately. So, instead of actually, like, saying anything, she's just gonna hand some raisins and be like:
Kyle (as Julie)
Alright, but you better take a few more for strength.
Hallie
I will do that!
Kyle
You take it and you will...how will you march into the mayor's office?
Hallie
I'm gonna chew my raisins before I go in so that I am not chewing raisins trying to confront him. So, Hop will be about to knock, but then he reminds himself: no no, I'm Hopper now.
Kyle
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I've got a job to do. I'm gonna help people, [Laughter.], so he will just open the door—he's not gonna like kick it down or anything. This is a big deal for him, opening a door, not knocking first, though.
Kyle
As you walk in, to this very, somehow, he makes glass gaudy, like it's already gaudy, but he makes it, like, extravagant almost like, uh—
Hallie
Bedazzled.
Kyle
Yeah it's super bedazzled, and Amber just turns over and her nose twitches a little bit and he stops dead and he's like:
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
What was that, girl? Oh! Theo! I--I will solve it! Wait, no, uh, you're the son!
Kyle
And he tries to put on a little kid voice:
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
[Slow and condescending.] What can I do for you today, young boy?
Hallie
Ooh, Hop’s is not having any of that.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Excuse me, sir! But I think you ought to know something about that sculpture in the garden.
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
What? That its head is off? That it's gonna ruin my career forever? You just wanna rub it in? Who put you up to it? Was it Alvin?
Hallie (as Hopper)
No, sir, my dad would never!
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
Well there's a lot that adults would do, that they would say they wouldn't do, young man.
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Accusatory.] You mean like cut the head off of an ice sculpture and pretend it melted?
Kyle
He's gonna, like, slam the door:
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
You can't speak like that, Simon! Alright, this is enough of an issue as is, don't go blowing it out of proportion. Does your dad, does he want, my crown? My mayoral crown?
Kyle
He kind eyes this little, paper mache crown--
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle
--that he made for himself on the corner of his desk.
Hallie
[Laughter.] It's like popsicle sticks.
Kyle
No--yeah all popsicle sticks and it's like he can't use Sonnati Ice so it's just colored regular ice that's slowly melting.
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie (as Hopper)
With all due respect sir, he doesn't even want the Sonnati Solstice one, but I do think that the problem might be bigger than you think it is. Cause, well I looked at the sculpture, and, I just don't think it melted.
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
[Scoffs.] No one would cut off a head here in Dunshire. Has that strange girl been getting to you? Filling your head with mystery?
Hallie (as Hopper)
No sir, it isn't Beatrice, it's… Well it's basic logic! I looked at, at, at the sculpture, and I know there was water around it, but there wasn't anything melted off the sculpture to make the water. So I think someone made it look like it melted. And, as is my civic duty, I wanted to notify the highest authority.
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
Well I appreciate that young man, and we will keep it in mind.
Hallie
He's gonna pull out the canteen, well he's been holding it but like he's gonna present it to the mayor now.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Sir, I found this at the crime scene. I think it might be yours!
Kyle
He's gonna grab it and be like:
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
Oh well, thank you son, thank you so much!
Kyle
And he's gonna open it up, and he's gonna gul—he's gonna spray the water all inside all over his face.
Hallie
[Laughing.]
Kyle
And be like:
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
Wait a second, where did you get this from? Thieving isn't polite!
Hallie (as Hopper)
Sir, I think you forgot it. In the gardens.
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
Of course it was in the gardens, I'm the mayor, I can't let myself be getting dehydrated on the Sonnati Solstice. I've got over a dozen of them hidden in the gardens—wait, nope, hmm, that part, that last part wasn't true, that was a trick, son, you passed!
Hallie
Hop will innocently cock his head a little bit and say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Why would you like about the number of canteens you had in the garden?
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
[In a very suspicious fashion.] Because I, uh, because I'm the mayor, I'm good ole fun..Mayor… Barnaby. Just playing a little practical joke.
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
Lighten the mood a little bit.
Hallie
[Laughing harder.]
And at that line, Hop will do his first ever look at the camera--
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
--at age twelve, a very 'I don't get it' type of thing, [Laughter.] look at the camera.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Sir, what are you going to do about the information I just told you?
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
[Condescending.] I will use it as best as I can. Don't you worry your little head about it.
Kyle
And he will push up your hat a little bit and ruffle your hair.
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
[Awkward.] Now, um, Mister Mayor, likes having fun, as we learned here today, and I'm sure you'll tell all your friends, but he has very important business to attend to so, if you please…
Kyle
And he'll like grab you by the back and just start pushing you out the door.
Hallie
As he's pushing me out the door can I do a quick scan of the room to see if I notice anything that's out of place?
Kyle
Yeah, gimme a roll.
Hallie
[Dice rolling.]
[Laughing.] An eight! I can only roll threes and eights!
Kyle
You see nothing but normal business stuff.
Hallie
Fine.
Kyle
Also remember you have two experience you can uses at any time.
Hallie
[Gleeful.] Oh my god, I wanna use an an experience point—
Kyle
No, you have three experience I gave you—
Hallie
[Excited.] I have THREE points! I wanna use an experience point to be able to look effectively, can I do that?
Kyle
Uh, that will be two, two is an automatic success.
Hallie
[Mutters.] Ughh, I wanna save them though, for something cool later. I'll use the two now, cause, I'll forget and then never get to do anything cool.
Kyle
Alright so how does this experience help you see what's in the room?
Hallie
Um, Hop, this is his first investigation, so he--he's stuck between wanting to like respect authority. He doesn't really know if he thinks the mayor did it or not, but as he's trying think of the best questions, and he realizes the mayor's pushing him out, he's thinking 'oh crap, you know Jameson Hopper looks around and… investigates things!
Kyle
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I should be doing that! Why am I not doing that?' So in the adrenaline as he's being forcibly pushed from the office he's forcing himself to look around and be observant.
Kyle
Alright, so you a glass whiteboard, a glass board, you see a venn diagram drawn on it, and on the right side, you see an open packet that says 'what to do in case of a cover up'
Hallie
[Snort of laughter.]
Kyle
--and on the left you see a 'what to do in case of a beheading' and you see the venn diagram and all you see written in the middle right now is 'claim that is not your fault'.
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
[Hurriedly.] Well thank you so much young man, I will see you, tomorrow.
Kyle
And he slams the door and starts pacing to himself and he's like:
Kyle (as Mayor Barnaby)
Well now I have an even bigger cover up to take care of!
Hallie
Hah!
Kyle
And Julie just looks at you and says:
Kyle (as Julie)
Mmm, he's doing that thing again. Do you need some more raisins?
Hallie
Hopper just nods, it was riveting for him.
Kyle
She gives you as many raisins as you want.
Hallie
I want two handfuls this time.
Kyle
Alright that's about, I say it's about forty-five minutes that's gone overall.
Hallie
Okay!
Kyle
That, like, additional forty-five…
Hallie
Yeah.
Kyle
So you've got about an hour and forty-five minutes left.
[11:30.]
Hallie
So, the thing about the mayor is that I get the impression, and I would know this, but like from living in this town, that the mayor is probably not that good at being a mayor.
Kyle
No.
Hallie
Like—
Kyle
No, no.
Hallie
He just doesn't seem competent enough to Hop at this point, to pull this off.
Kyle
A nickname for Julie that's said behind Mayor Barnaby's back, is she is often called, 'Mayor Julie'.
Hallie
Fantastic, I love it. And Julie gives me raisins, so I'm just--she's not even a suspect. I'm going to go to Joan's house now, because I just, as a player I really want to see Joan!
[Sweet piano music begins.]
Kyle
So next to your house, you see this very systematically put together lawn, you can tell that they merged Theo's kind of practicalness, and ability to nurture with Dad Alvin's more creative outlets. There's like a lot of grass sculptures that raise super high that Alvin has kinda cut them out to nice shapes. Alternatively, there is Joan's garden—
[Horrifying crashing sounds.]
Which is basically haggard and there are dead plants everywhere.
[Sweet music ends.]
She claims to import the finest and most exotic, and she says that in the most infuriating way, foliage from all across the Ninth World. Your fathers have placed bets on how long it would last. The longest piece of foliage lasted, was a week. Or as Dad Theo will say with glee, cause he was the one who won that, one week, two days, three hours, and forty-five minutes. Most houses have at least a little bit of, like, hidden about them.
Hallie
Yeah.
Kyle
Like a little bit of opaque things like bedrooms, and bathrooms and houses. Joan, well, she has [Imitating Joan’s voice.] nothing to hide—
Hallie
[Horrified noises.]
Kyle
So her entire house is basically see through.
Hallie
[Horrified and disgusted noise.]
Kyle
So as you come in, she is lounging on the couch—she's on the couch reading a magazine that she's cobbled together herself from different magazines.
Hallie
God, why? That's so much work! Okay so, Hops a little more confident now, but going into the door of a public official's office is a little different than barging into someone's home. So he will ring the doorbell in this case.
Kyle
[Jokingly.] 'Sup Joan! It's me, HOP!
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I'm twelve! [Laughter.]
Kyle
Alright, you knock on her door and she doesn't look up from her magazine and she just says:
Kyle (as Joan)
Who is it?
Hallie
Aww shoot, she isn't gonna answer if she knows who I am… Um, I'm gonna try to make my voice a little bit deeper be like:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Police Investigation Force!
Kyle
Give me a roll.
[Dice rolling.]
Hallie
Three! [Dismayed laughter.] I've rolled nothing but these—
Kyle
She's gonna get this big smile.
Hallie
[Wheeze of laughter.]
Kyle (as Joan)
[Seductively.] Oh come on, if you were an admirer and wanted to come in, you didn't have to pretend to be a police force to knock down my doors!
Kyle
And she's gonna stand up and kinda walk super fancily towards the door and she's gonna open it up and be like:
Kyle (as Joan)
Well hello, strange—ah oh… [Disappointed.]
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle (as Joan)
[Awkwardly.] Hiiii, Simonnnn…
Hallie
[Laughter.] This is especially funny cause couldn't she see me through the glass?
Kyle
Uh she was, busy looking at, she was busy looking at her magazines.
Hallie
Okay. Um..
Kyle
Actually no, I got a better idea. Joan wears glasses and she, uh, she was trying to make herself look super sexy--
Hallie
Oh.
Kyle
--so she had taken off her glasses and set them to the side. Which, fun fact, glasses? Also made out of glass.
Hallie
[Snort.] Hop will look up at Joan, and he'll say um:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Excuse me, ma'am, but in light of evidence of foul play, I've been appointed the official investigator of the mayor's office.
Hallie
Which is a lie, that is not how that meeting went.
Kyle
Yeah, give me a roll for the lie.
[Dice rolling.]
Hallie
A twelve! It's not a three or an eight!
Kyle
She's gonna look at you and say:
Kyle (as Joan)
That sounds like something, you would do.
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle (as Joan)
Well I suppose I'll have to let you into my house. But I'm not going to offer you anything!
Kyle
And she goes and she sits down on her uh, glass couch, and she just kinda lets the door slam behind her. She doesn't, like, open it for you, she sits down and puts on her glasses, what do you do?
Hallie
Okay so, my jumper jeans have pockets. I didn't specify this but can I have a little Blue's Clues notepad in there somewhere?
Kyle
Oh absolutely. I am assuming you've been jotting down everything.
Hallie
Yes, I have been. So I'm going to pull out my little Blue's Clues thing, and, um, look very officious, ready to take notes. I am not sitting cause I have not been invited to sit down, and Hop maybe—
Kyle
But you did walk in—
Hallie
I did walk in, yeah, but I'm just standing in the living room with her. I would've followed her to wherever she went.
Kyle
Okay!
Hallie (as Hopper)
Ma'am! You were present when the beheaded ice sculpture of my dad, King Theo, was discovered, but there is evidence of foul play! It looks like the ice did not, in fact, melt.
Kyle (as Joan)
I don't see how that's foul play! Isn't foul play meant to be something bad? Or are the kids using different words these days?
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well ma'am, I would define cutting off the head of an ice sculpture as bad.
Kyle (as Joan)
[Sighs.] Continue, and will you please sit down? You're making me horribly uncomfortable.
Kyle
The only chair has like a bunch of the magazines used to make the magazines—
Hallie
[Laughter.] Okay.
Kyle
Are just scattered all over it as well as some random food. She is living the bachelor life.
Hallie
[Laughter.] Okay, I will clear a space for myself from the chair that just like—
Kyle (as Joan)
Be careful, be careful! I might read some of those later.
Hallie
He's doing it gently. I would love to just do a cat swipe, but Hopper's polite still. So he—
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
—will like gently collect everything and put it gingerly on like a coffee table or something that's nearby.
Kyle
God, I need to Dunshire to a whole campaign so I can see how future Hop would deal with Joan!
Hallie
[Laughter.] It would be different! Hop will appear to be flipping through his notepad as if he had any notes to reference.
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
So, um…
Hallie (as Hopper)
Ma'am, at approximately five o'clock today, the sculpture of King Theo was found beheaded, and you were there! I know, cause I was also there! Where were you before then?
Kyle (as Joan)
Well, the mayor was taking us on a tour! I might say it was, delightful! I saw my old aneen, Betsy, at least five times. So I might say I was feeling pretty good about myself. And you know, and the mayor, the sweetheart that he was, was talking about it was great was that I, was Queen, and he didn't talk about Theo being King at all! Anyways, I'm getting off track… So there we were, we were walking, me and your dad, and your dad, and the mayor, and the mayor's… rabbit. And he had to run off for the uh, the performance, to get everything ready. And so we just kinda sat around there for a little bit. And then, [Sighs.], your father, both of them, in fact! They both just got so listless, that they just wandered of on their own and they left poor little me by myself. And n-next, next I know it's like an hour later and I hear this horrible cry, and I run to it as fast as I can, because you know, dear, there's no story that Joan Miller doesn't know about. And… that was when I saw it. I saw that beautiful, beautiful sculpture of myself, and that significantly improved sculpture of, well was your father, but at this point it could be anybody. I personally like to imagine that it was that Mister Collodi. He was the top ranking member in this sexy mad scientist's magazine—[Self-satisfied giggle.] I should know, I cobbled it together myself!
Hallie
As a tangent, Hopper is genuinely interested.
Hallie (as Hopper)
You cobbled the story together, yourself? Or the story existed and then you made a new story out of it?
Kyle (as Joan)
Dear, context is everything. The story was there, when put together by these other not quite as sexy mad scientists, well it took on its own new form.
Hallie
Okay… [Laughter.]
Hallie (as Hopper)
I agree, ma'am, context is everything! And some people would say that this particular context is kind of suspicious. Cause everyone knows that, you kinda hate my dad, and you didn't want to be Queen with him. And it is mighty suspicious, some people would say, that my dad's statue was beheaded, and yours was not.
Kyle (as Joan)
Ohho dear! Oh, did you think I did it?
Hallie (as Hopper)
No, no, ma'am! Some people!
Kyle (as Joan)
Listen, honey. There's one thing you have to know about me. If I do things, I do it in full, so trust me. If I had destroyed that statue, the whole thing would've been burned to the ground. Probably would've had a little confetti too, you know, a little bit of fun!
Hallie
Hopper will think about that. He's gonna dig in a little bit, and kinda look at the stack of [Mockingly.] the magazines that she cobbles together for her own reading.
Hallie (as Hopper)
You're right, ma'am, I suppose some people didn't consider, that some people lack all subtlety.
Kyle (as Joan)
Well, thank you dear, you're too kind. It's as we say in the Miller household. If you don't do something big enough that everyone can see, what's the point of doing it at all?
Hallie
Wow, I thought that was a rager insult, and she was gonna be mad… This is fine. Um, Hop will ignore that and he'll say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Ma'am, did you see anything suspicious during your tour of the gardens, this morning?
Kyle (as Joan)
[Sigh.] Well, you're gonna have to be more specific. I mean, I saw so many horrible things in that garden. I don't know what the person was doing putting the aneens next to the seskies. Everybody knows seskies are natural predators of aneens. If this were a real garden, oh! Those things woulda been torn to shreds! So there definitely was a murder, for arrangement.
Hallie
Can Hopper kinda think back to the arrangement of the gardens and think whether the arrangement was legitimately different than it has been in past years? Like if the seskies are normally not next to the aneens?
Kyle
Yeah, they're normally--they normally aren't together. And something weird you also notice, is that Joan's collaging, of magazines, has gotten a bit more fran—uh a bit more, just more lately.
Hallie
Okay.
Kyle
Like usually she just reserves it for big things, right? Like, uh, she had Missing Princesses Monthly, a couple of weeks ago.
Hallie
[Raspberry laughing noise.] There are that many?
Kyle
With a big cover story about Anastasia Brackleberry, the uh, the missing princess to the Ancuan Empire. So usually it's big things like that, so the fact that she's assembling a sexy mad scientist monthly, is, is a bit weird to you, because Joan doesn't care about that stuff.
Hallie
Okay.
Kyle
And something you'll remember is that normally around this time, Joan has always talked about how she has assembled the gardens herself, and she has put everything in order, and she was the big decorator.
Hallie
Did she, this year?
Kyle
She hasn't talked about it this year. And she's gotten more into making her magazines than usual.
Hallie
Okay, so in that case, Hope will say, um:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well ma'am, that does sound very disorganized, but aren't you normally the one who arranges the gardens?
Kyle (as Joana)
[Indignant gasp.] Oh!
Kyle
And she looks as if you have stabbed her in the heart.
Hallie
God…
Kyle (as Joan)
I did not come here, to be assaulted, young man!
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well, this is your house, I came here!
Kyle (as Joan)
[Sniffs.] Yes!
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle (as Joan)
[Indignant.] Okay? Yes! I was supposed to make the gardens, but I didn't!
Hallie (as Hopper)
Who did?
Kyle
[Huffs.] She's gonna have a big sigh.
Kyle (as Joan)
It's not, a woman's business, to get between her mortal enemies, and their son.
[Ominous Sound.]
Even I wouldn't do that.
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Slight fear.] What are you saying?
[22:45.]
Kyle (as Joan)
What I'm saying, is that! Your, father, Theo, became King, because Alvin… had agreed to decorate the gardens this year for the mayor. Apparently there was something about, creative differences, and me trying to poison the mayor's rabbit, and I would never do that!
Hallie
Pffft!
Kyle (as Joan)
She's got nothing, on me.
Hallie
Can Hopper kinda turn around and look again at the differences between her yard and our yard? Just taking it all in, like yeah, Alvin is the objective better choice.
Kyle
Yeah, the garden was objectively better than it was every other year.
Hallie
Yes!
Kyle
Like you're twelve, but even you notice that.
Hallie
Okay, um, on that note, Hopper will say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
So you had a lot more free time on your hands this-this year?
Kyle (as Joan)
I wouldn't call myself, free. I've been doing my best work every single year! Please, please, would you like to see some of my magazines? We don't just have sexy mad scientists, we have sexy world conquerors, sexy world enders… We. Even. Have. Every known amber pope rated, of course, by sexiness!
Hallie (as Hopper)
No thank you, ma'am! That will be all, thank you for your time!
Hallie
At that point, Hopper will close his notepad and put it back in his shir--in his jumper jeans pocket, and then he's gonna let himself out.
Kyle (as Joan)
Ta-ta~!
Kyle
Alright, you've got about forty-five minutes to an hour left, what are you gonna do?
Hallie
Argh…Okay...
Kyle
You probably have time for I'll say, one more stop.
Hallie
So, now knowing, that Alvin apparently agreed to decorate the gardens, in return for Theo being King, [Muttering.] though don't know how true that is because it was Joan, uh Hop's just gonna go next door and confront his-his dad.
Kyle
Yeah, you walk in the door and uh—
Hallie
This is my home! So I can do that!
Kyle
Yeah! And your dads' just sitting there. And they're playing like uh, a Ninth World version of checkers/chess.
Hallie
Chessers.
Kyle
Yeah, they're playing--they’re playing Chessers, while Alvin is reading the newspaper, and uh, Theo is reading one of his novels, that you are not allowed to read—
Hallie
Hah!
Kyle
But has very buff men on the cover.
Hallie
[Laughter.] So yeah, Hop's just gonna walk in and, stop in the doorway. And, he's currently deciding to bring it up in front of both of them, or ask Alvin. I genuinely don't know which is the best approach. You know what, I am just gonna ask the both of them cause I wanna keep Alvin accountable. Hop's gonna go in, and he's not gonna take out his notepad this time.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Hey dad, did you decorate the gardens this year?
Kyle
Alvin is gonna look at you a little surprised and be like:
Kyle (as Alvin)
Why—why are you asking, Simon?
Kyle
And dad Theo is gonna just look down from his book and kinda like, you can just see his eyes come out from over the book.
Kyle (as Theo)
Are we still on about that?
Kyle (as Alvin)
Yeah, I mean, I don't see why that matters, Simon?
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well, I guess it's just weird that you didn't tell me.
Kyle
Theo's gonna look at, you're gonna see his eyes just shift over to dad Alvin, and gonna say,
Kyle (as Theo)
Wait, is the kid actually right? Huh, no wonder they look good this year.
Kyle
And he's just gonna go and he's gonna, the book is gonna rise back above his eyes,
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle
--and dad Alvin is gonna blush a little bit at that compliment and and gonna look over to you.
Kyle (as Alvin)
Yeah, I decorated it. But I didn't want to make a big deal of it. You know, it was… I didn't wanna overshadow your dad's big day.
Hallie
And at that, Hop will say… He's gonna like, he was real confident with Joan, but these are his dads. So he's losing a little bit of that upright investigative posture, so he's gonna his hands behind his back and scuff the floor a little bit with his shoe, and say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well, I kinda heard you did it to make dad King.
Kyle (as Alvin)
Did Joan say that?
Kyle (as Theo)
Joan probably said it.
Kyle (as Alvin)
Yeah, did Joan--Simon, have you been talking to Joan again?
Hallie
[Coughs.] Hop will say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
I have to keep my sources anonymous.
Kyle
You just see the book and eye a little bit and:
Kyle (as Theo)
Yeah, it's Joan.
Hallie
[Laughter.] That's fair.
Kyle
Dad Alvin's gonna, he's gonna push out the chair across from him with a seat and say:
Kyle (as Alvin)
Sit down for a second, Simon.
Hallie
He'll sit.
Kyle (as Alvin)
So, yes, and no.
Kyle
And you're just gonna hear a--
Kyle (as Theo)
[Shouting angrily.] WHAT?
Kyle
--from behind the book as it shakes a little bit, and he says:
Kyle (as Alvin)
No, honey! I really didn't intend it for that to happen, so I heard that Joan wasn't taking care of the arrangements this year, and I was excited to-to give it a shot. You know I only work… Oof, I only work sixty hours a week, so I've got a lot of time on my hands. So yeah, I-I-I mentioned it to the mayor, and he agreed, and I guess as I left, Julie did say “that's thinking like real leadership”, but you know, you know Julie. She's always so complimentary. So I didn't… Oh, no, o-oh no!
Kyle
And his face grows white a little bit with horror.
Kyle (as Alvin)
I think I rigged an election…
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Hallie (as Hopper)
Dad, did Julie say anything else while you were at the mayor's office?
Kyle (as Alvin)
Well, not that I can think of, hmm..
Kyle
And Theo's gonna set down his book and just say
Kyle (as Theo)
Well that's cause you don't know how to talk to women, honey.
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle (as Theo)
Yeah, Julie and I, we had a big ole talk while they were inside. I mean, I don't remember what we talked about, proper garden arrangements, the joys and practicalities of raisins, I talked about how proud I was of you a couple of times and she talked about how proud she was of Rosemary a couple of times. I remember her complaining that she didn't have any good candidates for King and Queen, so I remember, telling her, that Joan would be happy enough for anything, and she could probably use the win.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Did you say anything about you?
Kyle (as Theo)
Uh, I don't remember anything else. Except her like saying that, like, I was just a regular Angulan Knight. [Sigh.]
Kyle
He sighs and looks at that portrait of all of you of Angulan Knights on the wall, and just:
Kyle (as Theo)
[Sighs.] I'm never gonna live that one down.
Hallie
[Laughter.] So Hopper's gonna say… He's gonna straighten up a little bit because, A, he's about to present investigative info, and he's trying to get that mindset back. And B, daddy just said he's proud of him and talked about that to Julie. So he's gonna straighten up a little bit, take out his notepad to look more officious and then say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well, the thing is, that, I don't think that sculpture melted, and I've been trying to figure out who would intentionally destroy it.
Kyle
A couple of tears just go down Alvin's cheeks. And a couple of tears go down Dad Theo's cheeks as well.
Kyle (as Theo)
I knew I was proud of you, son! We've been talking about that all afternoon!
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Surprised gasp.] What?
Kyle (as Alvin)
Nobody knows Sonnati better than your dads, Simon!
Kyle (as Theo)
Nothing, and I mean, nothing, melts Sonnati. You can sauder it together with fire, but actually melting it? Not even a Nano, could do something like that! [Scoffs.]
Kyle (as Alvin)
We've been racking our brains all evening. Do you want share what you learned?
Hallie
Hopper will nod and say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well…
[Jazzy investigative music starts.]
It's like you said, Sonnati Ice doesn't melt, and, there wasn't any ice missing off of the sculpture to have made the water that was on the ground. So I think the water, came from somewhere else. But what I can't figure out, is, who stand to benefit from destroying the statue, cause ultimately—
Kyle (as Theo)
Joan!
Hallie (as Hopper)
It doesn't really mean anything. [Laughter.]
Kyle
They both look at each other and say “Joan” and look back at you.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Yeah, but—
Hallie
I'm just gonna flip back to the page where he took notes during Joan's interview:
Hallie (as Hopper)
When I was talking with her, she said that, if she had done it, she would have burned the whole thing to the ground. Which is impossible to do with Sonnati Ice, but I get the metaphor.
Kyle
They look at each other again, and say in a more knowing voice, “Joan…”
Hallie (as Hopper)
And, well, Joan said that she spent all morning touring the gardens with the mayor, and she complained that it didn't look as good as it usually did because there were seskies next to aneens, and that's when I thought, the arrangements were different this year. And I asked her if she did the arrangements and she got all sad. She's made a lot of magazines, dad. Like, a lot of magazines, just, so so many magazines that… she cuts out herself...and I think she was really feeling sad that she didn't do it this year, which was fine. It did look much better, dad. I thought so at least. But then I thought, was it arranged to cover up...an ice statue murder?
Kyle
They're gonna sit there, and they're gonna think for a moment.
Kyle (as Theo)
So you, you think I was beheaded, son?
Hallie
Hopper will nod.
Kyle (as Theo)
Well, if you think that's the case, then I think finding the culprit is pretty easy; just gotta find my head.
Kyle
And as he says that, you see the sun slowly set and one last strand of light go onto that time piece in the middle of the table, and you realize your three hours are up and it's time to meet with Beatrice.
[Detective music crescendos and finishes.]
[31:30.]
Kyle
Hello and welcome to the episode break, for episode seventeen, Hop's Memory, part two. I'm Kyle, the GM, and literally every suspect, unless of course, Hop committed the murder and didn't even realize it. Our intro music today is 'One Way Home' by White Sand, and our outro music is 'Friends' by Miracle of Sound.
Today's call to action, actually isn't coming from me. As a way to mix up our call to actions, once per month, our call to action section will feature an audio promo by another podcast. Today's promo advertises the just recently started season two of 'Tales from the Dark Dragon's Inn'. Let's take a listen!
Narrator
Cities are hard, they're tangled web of shadows with someone different waiting to stab you in the back on every corner. Baldur's Gate? Ain't no different. If anything, it's worse. There's murder in the air. And a name on everyone's tongue that no one dares to speak. The scales of justice are new in town, hot on the tail of an evil cult, but they're going to make ‘em talk.
'Tales from the Dark Dragon's Inn' is a serialized fiction podcast. Join us for season two, on TFTDDI.CO.UK
Kyle
Yeah! So if that caught your fancy, absolutely check them out. Today's episode was released pretty late on schedule, not only day wise, but also time wise. It is 1:04 AM, hence my very subdued mood. So our next episode will release seemingly a little early.
That's right, we will see you for the continuation of our main story, on Monday, June 25th.
[Soft, dramatic synth music plays.]
[33:57.]
Kyle
Certain things are not meant to be seen at night. Somehow, when the moon glows its brightest, it's inability to be the sun, becomes even more apparent. And as the moonlight illuminates the lifeless ice sculptures, giving them a weight not possible in the bleaching summer sun, a chill runs down your spine. It's quiet, so fucking quiet. And in fact it's so quiet that you jump about ten feet, as a playful voice says:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well, Hopper. It's been a long time. Three hours in fact.
Hallie
Hopper does not jump at the voice. And he is stupid proud that he didn't, and he's got his little notepad, he's very proud of his investigative work. And he'll say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
So we meet again, Joe.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Yes, we do. We do, we do, we do. What dirt have you uncovered on me, this time, Hopper?
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well, Joe. I found a canteen, that the mayor had left here. And I thought maybe, you know, the water had to fairly recent, cause the water would have evaporated real quickly. So I thought maybe it was the mayor. But the thing about our mayor, is that he's not very good at being a mayor. And I don't know, I don't, think it was him. Uh, and then I talked to Joan Miller, who as we know, is kinda the worst, and doesn't like my dad. But I don't think it's her either. And then I talked to my dads. Uh, it turns out that my dad, arranged the gardens this year, and may have accidentally rigged the royalty election… I don't think they did it on purpose though. My other dad said we have to find the head to find the culprit. You didn't happen to find anything like that, did you?
Kyle
One-Eyed Joe, starts slowly walking up to you. Her hands behind her back.
[Ominous, dramatic music.]
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well, well, well, Hopper. You've been busy. And you're right. I did find something.
Kyle
With that, her hands suddenly whips out! And in front of your face…
[Ominous music ends.]
You see the two sticks of flavored popsicle ice!
Kyle (as Beatrice)
I found these in the mayor's office. I figure they'd be helpful while we're staking out tonight. Which flavor do like more?
Hallie (as Hopper)
You were in the mayor's office too?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well, of course, dude! He's only the most obvious suspect.
Hallie (as Hopper)
I don't know!
Hallie
Uh Hopper will take, did you say these were red and blue?
Kyle
Yeah.
Hallie
He'll take the blue one, and then be like, eating a sucker with
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Mouth full.] I dunno, because, you know, this kinda ruins the solstice. It doesn't make him king just because my dad's sculpture is destroyed. So I'm thinking it had to be a petty reason which led me to Joan, but she's made a lot of magazine collages, and honestly, to have made that many magazine collages, I don't know she would have the time to destroy the statue.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Simon, Hopper, Simon. You clever seskie.
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Mouth still full.] What, what did I say?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
No, just I'm super impressed dude, that's all! My whole plan was to just sit here and wait for the person to come and try to melt the rest of the statue!
Hallie (as Hopper)
Oh! Well that's a real good plan too! What did you do this afternoon?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Flavored ice, dude. I had to figure out what the best one was?
Hallie (as Hopper)
That was it?
Kyle
She's gonna walk over and she's gonna sit down, kinda hidden behind some aneens, and she's gonna pat the ground.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Ah yeah, I checked a couple of things too, but uh, I mostly found out the same kind of stuff you did.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Does that mean you talked to the same people that I did?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well no villain goes around to talking to people. [Whispers.] I was sneaking.
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Also whispers.] Oh! Where'd you sneak to?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
The mayor's office and Joan. We just talked about that! Know, for being so bright—
Kyle
She kinda like, taps you on the head a little bit—
Kyle (as Beatrice)
You aren't always perceptive.
Hallie
Hopper will like, fix his hat. Can we say the that was knocked a little bit when she…
Kyle
Yeah.
Hallie
Yeah, he'll fix his hat, and be a little upset and be like:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well, just I didn't see you there. And I thought that if we went to the same places, we would've run into each other.
Kyle
Uh, she shrugs her shoulders a little bit and she just says:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well I guess I that just means I still have a little bit left to teach you, Simon Hopper Simon.
Kyle
And do you mind if we flash forward a little bit?
Hallie
Yeah, let's do it.
Kyle
Alright, so we're gonna flash forward a little bit. And I'm gonna give you the opportunity to just kind of shoot the shit with Beatrice a little bit.
Hallie
Okay!
Kyle
So you've been sitting there, you've eaten.. Turns out she has gotten dozens of these things.
Hallie
God!
Kyle
Like this is blatant theft--
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle
--ut you also know that the mayor only eats them themselves. So you don't feel that bad—feel a littl--how do bad do you feel, actually?
Hallie
Mmm, the thing is that… Hop's had kind of a day, so all the adrenaline from this case, is just clouding any guilt he may have been feeling. He's just, he's happily eating them, uh, he considers it kinda like his commission, for taking on this role.
Kyle
[Laughter.]
Hallie
Like he's doing the mayor a favor by finding out who did it, so like yeah! These popsicles are his earned right, even if they did kinda steal them.
Kyle
So you're sitting there, eating these popsicles, and eventually Beatrice pipes up:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
So, Simon Hopper Simon, what are you gonna do once you, once you leave this town?
Hallie
Hopper will shrug and say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
You know, I don't know. I mean my dads are really good at like, design, and at woodworking, and ice sculpting, and that kinda stuff. But I dunno if I'm really good at anything. So, I don't know what I'm gonna do. But, I do know that...I don't wanna stay here.
Kyle
She's gonna kinda think to herself, she's gonna say:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
It's a nice place. I can see why people like it. But you're right, it's no place for a hero.
[Thoughtful, sweet piano music starts.]
Hallie (as Hopper)
You know I had a lot of fun today. I think, I mean…
Hallie
And then he'll look down at the book and say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
I know that, legendary heroes aren't really a thing anymore. But, I think I just wanna try to do...the best I can. You know, I'm not, unhappy here, exactly… But, today was the happiest I've been in a long time. It felt like I was serving a purpose. Do you think I could be a hero? Really?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
[Scoffing.] Du-uude. I don't say these kinda things lightly. No, I don't think. I know, that you will be someday, so great a hero, that I will read about you in books like these. And, even to top it, I promise you, that once you get out there, if you ever need a partner? I'll be there. And remember, I never break my promises.
Hallie
Are pinky promises a thing in Numenera?
Kyle
Uhhhhhh!? Yeah, let's do a regular pinky promise?
Hallie
Yeah, I wanna do a pinky promise.
Kyle
It's only in Dunshire..
Kyle (as Beatrice)
What's that?
Hallie (as Hopper)
Oh! This is called a pinky promise, when you connect your pinkies like this and shake them, it's more important than a regular promise.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
In that case… I pinky promise, Hopper. [Goofy.] You devious rapscallion.
Hallie
Hopper will kinda laugh at that and then say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
What's next for you?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well, I don't know. Another town, another adventure…
Hallie (as Hopper)
When you left home, why'd you go?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well I never really had a place that was home. I went around with my family from place to place. And then, some day I just…went without them.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Why?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Why stay home when there are nine worlds to explore?
[Thoughtful piano music fades.]
[40:37.]
Hallie (as Hopper)
Well, thanks for coming to Dunshire. Of all the places you chose, it's not very exciting. And you know, it's, it's, it's kinda, strict. But, I really enjoyed having you here.
Kyle
And that's when you hear it. You hear, that crying howl. And you see a piercing beam of light at the patio in front of you. Where you can vaguely make out the shape of somebody behind this beam of light, pointing at the two statues again.
Hallie
Is it just pointing? Or is they're point with a weapon.
Kyle
Like it's a beam of light, it's like, it’s like this little—
Hallie
Oh it's like a flashlight.
Kyle
Not, it's more like a little um, like a little blowtorch?
Hallie
Cool, okay so someone's coming to melt the statue, that's what it is.
Kyle
Yeah, yeah, yeah, someone's at the statues right now.
Hallie
Oh, okay! Um, so…we're crouched down, but we've been there a while so we've probably lightened up on our stealth. I'm gonna reassume like a crouch, and then try to peer around the side to see who it is.
Kyle
You take a look, and in the darkness you still can't tell.
Hallie
Okay, is there, we're behind a shrub? Or did you say we're behind other statues?
Kyle
You're behind uh, I think I said seskie statues. You're behind some sort of statue.
Hallie
Okay, can I creep like behind the statues, to get closer to where the person is?
Kyle
Yeah! They seem very focused, so you don't even have to roll, you’re just slowly creeping around, and you're...you're pretty close now. You can't quite make out their face, but you are within immediate range.
Hallie
Can I look back at Beatrice and try to motion to her like, 'do you know who it is?' cause I'm gonna shrug my shoulder a little bit and 'nnn, no clue!'
Kyle
You go to motion to her and do that, and she's not there. And then she's suddenly pops up next to you and goes:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Alright, who is that?
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Suprised.] Ahh! Eargh…[Whispers.] I don't know, I can't really see.
Hallie
Oh! Could I...throw, one of the now empty popsicle sticks, um kinda like to the side so that the person will have to turn their face towards me?
Kyle
Okay, you throw… a popsicle stick, and gimme a roll to see if they hear it.
Hallie
[Dice rolling.]
Six….
Kyle
Uh--
Hallie
No, nine!
Kyle
Nine?
Hallie
Yeah.
Kyle
You throw it, to the ground. And it's really tough to hear over this piercing wail.
Hallie
[Snorts.] Because it's a popsicle stick.
Kyle
But it stops for a second, and the person turns over and you can see their face illuminated in the moonlight. Who do you think you see?
Hallie
Honestly, my theory this whole time has been Beatrice. I thought that was how you were going to hurt me. Laughing.] But she's right next to me. But I don't think it's the mayor because 'what to do in case of a beheading' is like…why would you make that if you were the one… You would've been prepared for a beheading if you were the one doing the beheading.
Kyle
Okay!
Hallie
So he would not have needed that. Joan, I am uncertain on. She has the strongest motive, which is just pure spite. But it seems like she would not have gone for, like, the blunt axe type deal.
[Ticking sounds begin.]
Kyle
Okay.
Hallie
So, I think it's...
[Ticking ends, with a soft, deep boom.]
Kyle
In the moonlight, you throw the stick to the ground. And you see this figure, cradling a head in the left hand. And as they turn over, you see holding his own head, dad Theo.
Hallie
[Excited.] I got it right! I'm really upset that it's dad Theo, but I'm really happy that I got it right! There's a lot of feelings going on right now. Cause I feel like he would be the sort to harm his own statue. And also, because it could be part of some kind of statement like, we should do other things with the ice. I don't know how I'm making the logic leap but I feel like if people thought Sonnati Ice could melt, they would use it...more? That's counterintuitive, but Dunshire is also counterintuitive in many things that it does. So that seemed, I didn't know exactly what his gambit was, but it—Theo was my strongest hunch. [Exasperated sigh.] Now the question is would small twelve year old Hop, be so upset that he would shout, ‘dad.’ Or, would in his new role as hero slash detective, he…manage to keep a hold on it… Instead of yelling dad, he's just gonna like get real wide eyed, he's gonna keep a handle on himself. He's not gonna shout but he he's gonna grab Beatrice's arm because, he's upset.
Kyle
And Beatrice turns over to you and says:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Hopper, what are you doing? Isn't that the guy?
Hallie
Um….
[Somber, dramatic piano music begins.]
Hopper will look back at her and then nod, and then knows what he has to do. So then, I'm going to stand up and kinda emerge from the shadows, and say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Dad, I found the head.
[Music swells.]
[45:14.]
Kyle
So some things happen in that, pretty quickly, the mayor came, and you found out that Beatrice was, she uh, says she didn't want to ruin the surprise,
[Somber music ends.]
But what she had exactly spending most of her time, after you left, talking to Mayor Barnaby, and convincing him that catching the criminal would be in his best interest, so that's how she got all those popsicle sticks…
Hallie
Oh, so they weren't stolen.
Kyle
So she basically had him on standby for whenever they found the criminal. So he found, and they got Theo, and Theo seemed to want to fight for a little bit but seeing how kinda crushed, you looked—
Hallie
Very.
Kyle
--kinda let himself get taken, he didn't want to make a bigger scene of it than it was.
Hallie
Okay so he was straight up been arrested, right?
Kyle
Um, with Dunshire, it's less that he's been arrested, more than he's been put on a slap on a wrist.
Hallie
Oh okay.
Kyle
And he's been given what the mayor considers is the biggest penalty of all, which is that he is not allowed at the festival.
Hallie
[Sarcastically.] Oh no, poor Theo!
Kyle
Uh so it really upset Alvin, but dad Alvin was committed that he was going to go to your performance the next day. He and Theo seemed to, Alvin and Theo talked a little bit when you came home. Um, they didn't talk to you much about it. But they agreed that Alvin was gonna go the next day, and Theo that morning made a big deal about, like, how proud he was of you, and all that stuff, and try try to gloss over it a little bit. And we're gonna jump forward to the performance. Is there anything that, you did between that time? That you really wanna, uh, point out?
Hallie
Hop would have spent that time in a daze. Because it's not like, you know, this, I mean, this was a violent crime in the sense that there was a weapon involved, and like mutilation of a thing. But it's not like he, like, killed anyone who was real, or like stole things so like, Hopper knows that this crime, is not akin to like other crimes. So he's not thinking, his dad is a terrible, terrible person. But the fact remains, that his first investigation, and he was real proud of himself, and he was a little hero, and it was his dad as the culprit. LIke his dad still harmed public property, and did a thing that just didn't, you know it caused more harm than good. So, he's been in a daze for the last, twenty-four hours, and just doesn't really know how to come to terms with it. And he hasn't tried yet.
Kyle
How's your, uh, out of character, how's your heart holding up?
Hallie
Not well? Going in, I thought, the worst he can do is make it Beatrice, or my dad as the culprit, So, honestly, the fact that I figured it out, is kinda outweighing the fact that [Slightly strained.] my daddy did it. I'm really proud of myself.
Kyle
I'm proud of you too!
Hallie
Thank you.
Kyle
Alright, we're gonna flash forward to performance day! You are behind stage, super nervous.
Hallie
[Quiet upset noise.]
Kyle
Beatrice seems to have some kind of jitters herself too. She's kinda doing the performance to herself. She's uh, dressed up a lot more than she is usually. While everyone else is wearing the uniform, Beatrice, knows she's able to wear what she wants and is really kinda of uh--
Hallie
Flaunting it.
Kyle
--leaned into that. So Beatrice is dancing around. She is wearing a playful sundress, her long, fine, platinum blonde hair is pinned back to a large flower like bun. The petals of the flowers still closed, about to bloom, and she's just like radiating.
Hallie
Yeah.
Kyle
What are you doing?
Hallie
Hopper's still in a daze. I imagine his jumper jeans and hat and bowtie and sweater ensemble is like brighter than he would like. Like a lot of reds and blues, and greens.
Kyle
Yeah.
Hallie
So he's thinking about how, when he's older, he's gonna dress in a lot of browns.
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
Because, he just wants to disappear into the framework right now. So he's thinking, the brown of this stage is really nice. That's a good camouflage color. I would like to wear brown more often. And he's just kinda standing there, fiddling with his harmonic calculator. Which as we know, was a gift from Dad Theo. So, um, actually, he's gonna look at Beatrice, and just say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
You look nice!
Kyle
She's gonna look at you and say:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
You know it's not easy.
Hallie (as Hopper)
What is not easy?
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Being a hero?
Hallie
Hopper's shaking his head in response to hero:
Hallie (as Hopper)
Heroes don't get their dads caught.
Kyle
She kinda sits down next to you.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Do you think Jameson Hopper has fun?
Hallie (as Hopper)
I guess not. I guess he doesn't. I guess it's why he drinks all that scotch.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well that's the sad fact of it, dude. Being a hero isn't always fun. That's why I prefer to be [Voice turns joking.] One-Eyed Joe!
Kyle
She like, puts her hands up to make a third eye on top of her head playfully.
Hallie
[Excitedly.] Cause she knows the lore!
Kyle
Cause she learned it from you!
Hallie
Yeah, I know! That makes me really happy! [Calms down.] Um, Hop will, smile at that and then say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
I don't know, if I'm cut out for it. You know, I think… I think I'm a Simon, not a Hopper.
Kyle
You hear the audience applaud from the next stage.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well, I can promise you that, you may think of yourself as a Simon, but I will always remember you as Hopper.
Kyle
And the audience finishes applausing. And you hear from the front:
Kyle (as emcee)
Put your hands together for Blanistasia! Up next, The Stranger and the Dethroned Prince!
Hallie
[Laughter.] Hopper will do his second look at the camera, at that new name.
Kyle
Beatrice winks and says:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
I'll see you out there, Hopper.
Kyle
And she skates out to the stage. What do you do?
Hallie
I take my place on the stage.
Kyle
Alright, you get up and you walk to the stage. And before you go, something catches your eye. You, you, you start to feel a little parched, and you start thinking,
[Ominous rumbling starts.],
'wow I'm a little thirsty' and your eyes turn back next to the stairs to that glass of water that Beatrice gave you yesterday. And inside of that glass of water, unchanged, are two perfect cubes of ice. And you walk out on stage.
[Rumbling ends.]
Hallie
[Sighs.] Okay.
Kyle
It's still kinda, reluctant applause, but there is one very big applause--
Hallie
[Sighs again.]
Kyle
--that gets even bigger as you come out and you hear:
Kyle (as Alvin)
That's my boy! That's my boy!
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle
And Beatrice starts her presentation of:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
We are the Stranger and the Prince! And we are here to perform… The Pythagorean Rhythm!
Kyle
And you are so frozen, that seconds pass without you doing anything. What do you finally do?
Hallie
I'm gonna look from the ice to Beatrice, and then back to the ice, and then back to Beatrice, and then say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
[Quietly.] Where'd you get that ice?
Kyle
And she's gonna look at you and be like
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Oh, oh, oh! We're doing a bit. [Louder.] Well, that ice, I saw, I got from a magical land, called Dunshire! And we will now perform a dance, about that ice! And the beautiful town that it's created!
Hallie (as Hopper)
Actually, our plans have changed! It's a debate, now!
[Horse Neighs, the “Wild West” music from the beginning starts to play and turns to the whistling tune.]
[51:55.]
I know you know what my dad did last night, but he didn't do it!
Kyle
You hear a single 'Boo! Get off the stage!'
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
And then uh, at that boo, Hopper is coming into his own, finally. He's gonna point at the person, the heckler, and he's gonna say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
No! This is important! Because my dad is being punished for something he didn't do! And Dunshire is a lot of things but it's not unfair!
Hallie
And then he's gonna turn back to Beatrice.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Beatrice, where did you get the ice?
Kyle
She's gonna turn over to you. And you're gonna see her lovely warm smile, turn devilish.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
Well, I uh, I got it from, you know where we get ice for water! I got it from the ice depository.
Hallie (as Hopper)
This ice hasn't melted, Beatrice! You know what I'm asking!
Kyle (as Beatrice)
So what? How do we know, that the boy of the criminal didn't just put it in himself?
Hallie (as Hopper)
Because this glass has been here since yesterday, and I wasn't the son of a criminal yesterday!
Kyle (as Beatrice)
And what evidence do you have? You can't prove anything? You can't prove you didn't just bring that glass up here! What, are you saying I just, I just took the head? Where is it?
Kyle
And she's gonna twirl around:
Kyle (as Beatrice)
If I took the head, then, where would it be? I don't have any place to hide it?
Hallie
Hopper will take another breath.
Hallie (as Hopper)
Let your hair down.
Kyle (as Beatrice)
[Short laugh.] W-what?
Hallie (as Hopper)
Beatrice, let your hair down. I need to know that it's not in there.
Kyle
Her smile turns from a smirk, to a full on grin. She peels open the petals of her hair, and with a thud, the ice head falls onto the ground.
Hallie
Hopper, will look from the head back to Beatrice, and then I'm assuming, there's some of a commotion, like 'oh my god it was in there!' So he's gonna say this, so only Beatrice can hear, and he's gonna say:
Hallie (as Hopper)
See ya soon, Joe.
Hallie
And then walk off the stage.
[Thumping “Wild West” music ends with a “shh”.]
Kyle
It's a couple weeks later. The town rallied against Beatrice. But it turns out she had one last chunk of Sonnati Ice that she had disconnected from the head, and she had slipped it into her roller blades. After tapping three times, the ice had enveloped her body, and of course the townsfolk were horrified because someone just frozen themselves alive. But when they had broken it open, nobody had been inside.
Hallie
Okay.
Kyle
And the statue had ended up reforming itself. So what did they end up doing with the statue that seemed to keep reforming itself?
Hallie
They probably, kept it as reasons to be beware of outsiders, because they're terrible.
Kyle
Yup, they put it in front of the town square. They put it uh, in front of the statue. They, uh, Joan kind of used her magazine skills to make it look you know, a crime scene.
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Kyle
And they added, like, a little fake knife there. Theo ended up getting away, it turns out that the head he had was a really, really, really bad imitation of the head that was cut off. And he just saw how heartbroken your other dad, he saw how heartbroken Dad Alvin was about it that, he figured he would try to solder on a new head to try and make it better for Alvin cause he knew how excited Dad Alvin was. Uh, and what have you been up to, in this time?
Hallie
Mostly moping. Hop isn't eating a lot. He's reading, but mostly just the same page that he was on at the beginning of the adventure. He can't, you know how sometimes when you're reading but you're not really into it, but you just end up reading the same paragraph over and over? He's been on the same paragraph for a week. Just that page about Jameson Hopper and One-Eyed Joe. He refuses to go near the statue.
Kyle
So we flash forward, a few weeks later. You're back in your room, reading the page again. And suddenly with a start, you see Beatrice's shape, in your doorway.
Hallie
No.
Kyle
You see that, it's the statue.
Hallie
No, don't bring it in here.
Kyle
And it sits there for a moment before slowly crinkling apart and shattering. And from inside it, a small letter floats to the ground. And this is Numenera, and we've established that letters can, if will, speak. So you hear a voice come out:
Kyle (as Beatrice?)
Dearest Hopper. It is a pleasure to make acquaintance with you again. I'm sorry I had to leave so— [Coughing.]
[Outro theme, “Friends, by “Miracle of Sound” begins.]
[Her voice changes to a deeper, more mocking tone.] Oh, oh I'm so sorry I forgotten. You already know my secret, I don't have to do that silly voice anymore. I mean, 'oh hello sir, yes sir'... Who speaks like that? Anyways, Hopper, I must say, it was awful fun to catch up with you in Dunshire. That was the most fun, I've ever had in a town. It was so...invigorating. Anyways, I just wanted to send this note to let you know, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. And I think, that we should get together and talk soon. But of course if we, if we do that, uh, I need to have another name.. I mean, Beatrice, who wants to hold onto that BS for long? I think I figured out the perfect name, I've had a whole lot but, this. Is. My. favorite. So the next time we see each other, and trust me I promise, we will see each other again. You can call me....Lorraine.
[Outro theme intensifies and ends.]
Hallie
[Strained.] I’m gonna throw up.
Kyle
[Laughter.] All right, can we stop the recording? Was that a good enough note?
Hallie
[Voice high and pained.] That was a really good note.
[Episode ends – 57:40.]