• Quest Friends!

Ep. 25: Questionable Measures, Part 7

Updated: Apr 29, 2019

Xoc and Elee watch people walk. Misha asks Hop for love advice.

Listen as our heroes:

SYNCHRONIZE their movement!

SUIT UP for money!

DODGE birds and bees!

TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Link)

Previously, on Quest Friends…


[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]


Tom

Xoc lowers his hood, opens the hatch in the side of his head, and points to the interface there and says:


Tom (as Xoc)

It’s just my spellbook, you know? Think of it like that.


Kyle (as Ignatius)

So you’re on vacation too? Every year we get to pick a day off, and Tattertop got to choose this year.


Kyle

And he kind of gives a weird look to that bearded guy in the corner.


Kyle (as Haymish)

He deals with, if you want to trade anything, you can talk to him.


Ari

Misha is going to look at Xoc pretty freaked out, and then they are going to tackle him to the ground.


Tom

Xoc sort of blushes as he like, notices how close they were.


Ari (as Misha)

See? Then-then-then you’re not fine. Why is your face red?


Tom (as Xoc)

Uh, um—uhh—human skin is weird.


Ari

Misha is going to have looked up in the Datasphere if there were any symptoms for flushed or, like, redder cheeks than usual, because they were a little bit concerned about Xoc.


Kyle

Okay, you get something very weird, because you pull that up. So all you get responses like this weird poem about weather called Seasons of Love.


[Theme intensifies.]


Kyle

Alright, so, Elee and Xoc. What’s your game plan?


Emily

So first, um, I figured out what I want my dossier to say. Since we’re going to see Tommy Funbuck, and we need to get his attention or whatever we’re deciding to do, I would like to have a creepy, stalkerish amount of information on him. Like, his likes and dislikes, his wants, his dreams, his fears, his habits.


[Mysterious music begins.]


Kyle

Okay, so you open—everyone else got a packet, got like, you know, a folder. Elee, you open your packet and you just see a Ziploc bag, and that Ziploc bag has a couple of things.


Emily

[Quietly, distressed] No…


Kyle

So it has a


Emily

[Quietl,y distressed] No, no, lock of hair...


Kyle

--lock, and we should probably note this down, it has a lock of his hair—


Emily

No! I was joking!


Ari

Ew, gross.


Kyle

It has an eyelash. And it has an alarming amount of Polaroid pictures. There’s something interesting, though, because the Polaroid pictures, you see on the back, have dates with question marks on them. One thing about this dossier is that it’s not going to be that thorough, because Lorraine doesn’t exactly understand Tommy Funbuck. Which if you ask her, is a point of extreme frustration. The dossier actually mentions that anybody who works with him has to essentially ingest what he calls a non-disclosure agreement. If they ever try to say anything about Tommy Funbuck, this slug that’s enveloped themselves in their throat will basically kind of reverse and go on the outside of their skin, making them completely invisible. They just disappear from the world, but they still have to like, walk through it. So because of methods like that and good old fashioned plain ‘ol murder, there’s not a lot of knowledge known about Tommy Funbuck. But they were able to get a few things. One of which is a list of likes and dislikes. Likes are things like swag, glitter, loot, bling—basically every fancy word for treasure. Dislikes include—actually, they don’t have a dislikes, but they have a list of fears, which include: socialism, handouts, and spiders. Besides this list of likes and fears, you also see those dates. They’re varying over the course of about 80 numbers, about 80 years. And on each of them, you see Tommy Funbuck at different stages. Some of them, he looks like he does now, this kind of very youngish, hip, mid-20s guy. But in some of them, he looks 30, 40, and some of them he has very deep wrinkles and a sagging face. You see Tommy Funbuck at various ages of his life, and you’re not quite sure how someone was able to make these photos.


Emily

He’s a robit!


Tom

Uh, I have a different theory, but that’s fine.


Emily

[Laughing] Yeah, I don’t think he’s a robot, Tom.


Kyle

Secret twist: every villain is a robot. Oops, you got me! Aegon, robot. Vera, not just a doomfist, a doom robot. Marshal, you figured that one out already. He was a robot.


Emily

Yeah, no, there’s a precedent set.


Kyle

As you’re taking out this bag and you’re walking towards Gamblestrip Navarene where the parade is, and you can hear it just super loud from a distance, you can feel Soe just looking over your shoulder, and kind of grimacing at that sliced off piece of hair that you have in the bag.


Emily (as Elee)

I-I-I don’t know either, kid. I didn’t do it.


Kyle (as Soe)

That looks so painful!


Emily (as Elee)

Oh, well, you know, humans don’t—it doesn’t hurt humans like it does vociles.


Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, right. I know. I just--I know.


[5:03]


Kyle

And she skips up, and her face, which is now very white, looking at this, lightens up a little bit. And she skips over to Xoc as you’re walking and just says:


Kyle (as Soe)

So, who’s your dad?


Tom (as Xoc)

Uhhh …


Ari

[Quietly] Hopper Scotch.


[Laughter.]


Tom (as Xoc)

I never met my parents. Horus found me wandering out in the wastes before I can really remember.


Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, Horus? Is that like your brother or something?


Kyle

And she turns backward and she’s like skipping backwards and looking at both Elee and Xoc.


Tom (as Xoc)

Um, no, he’s another machine. I was raised among machines.


Kyle (as Soe)

So does that make you half machine?


Tom (as Xoc)

Well, I guess so.


Kyle (as Soe)

This is so cool!


Emily

Elee may or may not be starting to make the connection that Soe hasn’t realized that Xoc is not also her biological child, but she’s not gonna to address it, because she doesn’t want to get into that.


Kyle

So she pulls out a notepad, and you can see that she’s written down a couple of names.


Kyle (as Soe)

So you had all sorts of kids. Were there any others besides Xoc and Misha?


Emily

Elee realizes that now she can’t avoid this conversation.


Tom

Xoc is just narrowing his eyes, like wait, whaaaat?


Emily (as Elee)

Um, Soe, uh, um, they’re not my—my—they’re not my—my--they’re not my ki—they’re not—oh, look at that—wow, this parade is...really loud!


Kyle (as Soe)

Oh yeah, you can hear it all the way from here.


Kyle

And she says that because you’re still probably a good couple hundred feet away from the parade.


Emily (as Elee)

You, uh, you going to be okay with all the people? Do you want me in front or behind you? Or should I stand somewhere?


Kyle (as Soe)

Well no, I think with my mom and my not


Kyle

And you can see her write “not” in her notebook.


Kyle (as Soe)

Not big brother, and this—


Kyle

And she pulls up the hood.


Kyle (as Soe)

I think I should be fine.


Emily

[Voice breaking] I’m sorry, I just need a moment.


Tom

Xoc has never been a not big brother before and doesn’t really know how to think about this.


Emily

[Half sobbing] I love her so much. I love my child.


Kyle (as Soe)

Alright, so we’ve got me, kid, Xoc not kid, Misha not kid, right?


Emily (as Elee)

Right.


Kyle (as Soe)

Okay.


Emily (as Elee)

Right.


Kyle (as Soe)

Are there any other not-kids?


[Languid, emotional music begins.]


Emily

Elee doesn’t answer for a second and just kind of fiddles with like a little fraying bit of her hat.


Emily (as Elee)

Well...you’re the kid.


Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, I got it. No, you’re talking about a Yellophane. I met one of those once, they’re real nice.


Kyle

You see her write in “Yellophane, third not child.” Interesting though, Yellophane is a kind of visitant that is typically extremely invisible, and sometimes just disappears from reality. So because Elee didn’t really give the name of anybody, it seems that Soe just thinks that there is another one, they’re just this kind of like invisible visitant.


Emily (as Elee)

Oh, sorry. I--I--I know this is all very confusing. Um, I just—you’re--I just have you as my child.


Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, okay. No, that makes sense, and it’s not confusing at all. I just have to update the chart.


Kyle

And she flips over the page, and you see like, you know one of those serial killer wall charts where it’s just a bunch of notes tied together by strings and dots? She’s just like, moving it around on this chart a little bit. Some things you can see on it. You can see her, you can see her dad Dareen, you can see a couple of his parents and um, you see not a whole lot of information by Elee, but you see a couple of like, musical notes by your face. And then you just see some other stuff. Like for example, you see her, and you see like a massive airship, and you see like a stickfigure of her on the airship and it just says “Me, someday.”


Emily

[Pained gasp, as if having just heard something adorable.]


Tom

Awww.


Kyle

And just a bunch of other cute things like about her aspirations and where she thinks everyone has come from.


Tom

Oh nooo.


Emily

Oh, I love her!


Hallie

Nooo.


Tom

So Xoc will interrupt at that moment and say:


Tom (as Xoc)

So what’s a parade?


Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, it’s super cool! So a bunch of people get together, and they walk.


Tom (as Xoc)

That is really impressive. Do they walk in a special way, or is it just that everybody is walking at once and nobody does that otherwise?


Kyle (as Soe)

Well sometimes there’s music, and there’s lights, and there’s really cool people who wave, like Tommy Funbuck. I know June says that he’s not that cool, but he’s just so [higher pitched] swag!


Kyle

And she ekes out the word “swag” because she feels like she’s not cool enough to say it.


Tom

Oh my god! Awww.


Emily

Elee is so conflicted, because “swag” is the worst, but Soe is adorable, so she doesn’t want to crush her excitement. But it’s very difficult not to.


[10:00]


Kyle

Alright. Do you do anything else as you make your way to the parade?


Emily

I just want to make sure that I’m kind of standing in a good orientation to Soe to try to be between her and as much of the crowd as possible so that, you know, she doesn’t get her hair touched.


Kyle

Okay, so you make your way through the crowd, and you all, I’m assuming you start weaving your way through to make it so that you can actually see what the fuck is going on with the parade. Because right now you just hear a cacophony of noise that the crowd is so dense that it almost gets muted as you go inside of it. And you feel all these, it’s actually a little uncomfortable, especially for you Xoc, because you’re bumping into all these things and it feels like there are some hands prying at you. And suddenly, you hear a horrific, creaking whinny of like a horse. And Elee, since you’ve been the one blocking, you’re going to be the one who has to roll speed defense.


Emily

[Sighs, worriedly.] Okay.


[Die rolls.]


Emily

Twelve.


Kyle

Alright. You deftly push Soe out of the way of what looks like a horse kicking backwards, but it’s this thin, wooden horse leg that is one of four that leads up to a wooden coffin. And you hear this guy yell:


Kyle (as Annoyed Guy)

Hey! Get your hearse out of here!


Kyle

And from on top of it, you hear Tattertop say:


Kyle (as Tattertop)

It is my hearse, and it shall accompany me so I can see the parade.


[Parade music begins.]


Kyle

And so on top of this horse-legged coffin, which is a vehicle called the hearse, you see Tattertop just sitting there, petting his box with the giant funnel on it, intently watching the parade.


Emily (as Elee)

Watch it!


Tom

Is this meant to finally be my opportunity to sell my useless, terrible banana cypher?


Kyle

Yeah, for context, Tom forgot to ask during the shopping episode to get his cyphers exchanged at Tattertop Penny’s Cypher Exchange, so this is my excuse for you to get them back.


Tom

Yeah, for every session since I’ve been like you know, we can just handle this off-screen. Nobody knows or cares about my banana cypher. It would be fine. Every time Kyle said no, no, no, you can’t escape this.


Emily

Kyle cares.


Tom

Alright, fine then. Xoc has been freaking out a little bit, but on seeing something familiar thinks:


Tom (as Xoc)

I may never again have a chance to get rid of this garbage.


Tom

Xoc will just run up waving his arm.


Tom (as Xoc)

[Loudly] Tattertop! Hello! It’s—it’s Xoc again. That guy from the city, Charmonde.


Kyle (as Tattertop)

Oh yes! The one who kept my brother’s stores lights on for another few days.


Tom (as Xoc)

You trade cyphers people don’t want, right?


Kyle (as Tattertop)

Oh, I trade more than that. But yes, generally cyphers are what I trade.


Tom (as Xoc)

Alright. What if I have two here that may interest you?


Tom

And Xoc will pull out the hat with the strings, and the weird banana peel.


Kyle

He’s going to have the hearse like just kind of extend itself down so you can step on it. He says:


Kyle (as Tattertop)

Get on quick before others arrive.


Tom

Xoc will get on, I guess.


Kyle

Alright, you step on and it goes up. So how the Numenera exchange works, is Tattertop has this box with a big funnel you can put inside of it. The player provides an oddity, cypher, or artifact, depending on what you enter, and it looks like you’re putting in two cyphers?


Tom

Yes.


Kyle

You’ll roll a one D100 to determine whether or not you receive back an oddity, a cypher, or an artifact. You then are going to roll a second one D100 to determine which specific oddity, cypher, or artifact you receive. So let’s roll first to see whether you’re getting oddities, or artifacts, or cyphers.


Tom

Alright. Let’s roll the 10s column first.


[Dice rolling.]


Tom

I rolled a 96.


Kyle

Cool. What was the second one?


Tom

Oh!


[Dice rolling.]


Tom

I have to roll the second one. A 95.


Kyle

Awesome. So you, lucky, lucky winner, are going to get two artifacts.


Tom

[Surprised laughter.] What?


Kyle

And with an artifact, you get—uh, actually no, since you didn’t find them, I’m not going to give you experience as well, because getting two artifacts in and of itself is OP as shit.


Tom

Yeah, what?


Kyle

Alright. So give me a roll for what those two artifacts are going to be.


[Dice rolling.]


Tom

Alright. We’ve got ourselves a 10, and then a roll for the second one?


Kyle

Yeah.


[Dice rolling.]


Tom

51.


Kyle

Alright. So your first one is 51, a mephitic staff. And your 10 is a brain bud.


Tom

Oh dear.


Kyle

These sound horrifying.


Tom

Oh, God, I think I know what a brain bud is. I’m not certain I want it.


Kyle

So, the brain bud is an organic pod, almost like a small hemispherical bit of fruit. Once grafted to the host, it takes on the appearance of the host’s flesh.


Ari

What?


Kyle

The pod grafts onto any living host, must be near the brain, and injects complex chemicals that greatly improve brain activity. This grants a host a +5 bonus to maximum intellect pool, if you want to use it.


Tom

Oh, it would be strong. Oof. Ohh, that’s so strong.


Kyle

You can also exchange any of these for experience as well. Hallie, it does not come off.


Tom

No, I just have like a lump on the back of my head.


Kyle

He just has a second head.


Tom

Juicing into my brain.


[15:00]


Ari

Forever.


Kyle

He’s lucky, because we already have like Misha’s scarf and Misha’s hat. Otherwise I would definitely make it sentient.


Ari

Oh yeah.


Kyle

Alright, and then the mephitic staff, so you get this like gross pod just eke out, and it just slops to the ground, and Tattertop just picks it up in a napkin and hands it to you and says:


Kyle (as Tattertop)

Oh, be careful. Once it goes on your flesh, it doesn’t come off, heheheh.


Kyle

Uh, and then you get the mephitic staff, which is a short, metal-glass tube, fitted onto a well-made wooden quarterstaff. So you can just stick this onto your staff.


Tom

Uh-huh.


Kyle

When activated, the tip of the staff releases a concentrated, immediate-range blast of noxious fumes when it is struck against a solid creature or object. The affected creature loses its next turn to coughing and choking--what the fuck. Depletion is one and one D20.


Tom

Alright.


Kyle (as Tattertop)

Now this one is a real party starter. I will say, Haymish’s Hollyween party was so much more exciting after I performed it.


Tom

Xoc will just solemnly nod and say:


Tom (as Xoc)

Thank you very much for these powerful items.


Kyle

So Tom, are you going to put a brain bud onto your head?


Tom

I’ve got a disc drive in my head already. Surely it’s nothing extra to just like, stick a thing. It’s like—


Kyle

Actually, I got an idea, so it won’t appear on the back of your head. I got an idea.


Emily

Put it on the front of your head.


Kyle

No, I’ve got an idea. I’ve got an idea.


Tom

Sure, describe it.


[Angelic, choral music begins.]


Kyle

Okay, so you take this thing and you pick it up and you set it on your head, and it’s trying to find the nexus of intellectual energy. You see it kind of creep over, it’s moving like a slug a little bit on the side of your head.


Hallie

Aww, gross.


Kyle

But it also feels, every time it moves up and down, it’s like a band-aid that’s like ripping and re-peeling itself. It’s very uncomfortable.


Tom

[Uneasily] Ahh…


Kyle

And it opens the hatch where your spellbook is, and it starts to weave itself inside of there and finds a really cozy spot and starts weaving itself through all the circuitboards and all the technological components of that. And now that board, instead of looking like—instead of just looking like an empty spot that’s like the inside of a robot head, the fleshy parts of this are like, intertwined with the mechanical parts of that component. So now your spellbook and your head aren’t really separated anymore.


Tom

Okay, I like that. I like that a lot. Thank you. So Xoc does it. For the power! The rush of mental energy!


Kyle

[Imitating Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars] Unlimited power!


Tom

[Also imitating] Unlimited Power! Alright.


Kyle

Alright. So you feel this—one would call it potentially unlimited power—seep through your brain, and through this unlimited power, you’re able to turn your head, and you actually from, uh, you get a pretty good vantage point from on top Tattertop’s hearse. And right in front of you you can see Soe and Elee have taken a spot. Elee looks really agitated. She’s just like behind Soe’s hair. I’m assuming she’s just like blocking it with her hands.


Emily

[Scoffing] Noo! She’s just like, if anybody gets a little too close, she’s probably going to like body slam them.


Kyle

Okay, so you can see a small gap has emerged between Elee and Soe and the rest of the crowd, because the rest of the crowd ain’t having that shit.


[Parade music begins.]


Kyle

And then you see in the distance, you see the parade walking through. It looks an awful lot like an earth parade. Like, there’s too many lights, there are five different bands, all of whom have songs in like tones that are competing with each other. You don’t see Tommy Funbuck yet, because presumably, like Santa, he’s at the end of the parade.


Tom

[Laughter.]


Kyle

But you do, for example, you do see Vespari, and he’s performing tricks. He’s got his plague doctor mask on. He’s performing tricks with his assistant, who is that lady with the blue fairy’s outfit skirt with the cut-open back and she had like those two blue wings that flap independently. You were never quite sure how that worked, but it was super cool. So he’s performing tricks with his assistant, who from this point on I’m just going to call the Blue Fairy. And he’s clapping his hands and throwing hematium, and she flies into the air. And everyone is going—they’re just fucking loving it. And then there are some other like things—you see the Roulettia Knitters Society—they’re knitting--no, not knitting, they’re crocheting, like the shapes of various weapons, and then the rip away the crochet and you just see the actual mace and bow and knives.


Tom

Xoc is just narrowing his eyes at Vespari, like ehhhhh.


Kyle

And you can see at one point the plague doctor mask turn to you. You’re vision, your extended INT vision just zooms in and you can see through the mask and just view, like, almost closes, so that it’s a thin bar, and you can just see his glaring eyes at you. Alright, and then right below you are Soe and Elee. And I’ve got a couple more things that I want to do, but like, you still haven’t told me what the fuck your game plan is. You’ve got a little bit of time to figure out what you’re going to do.


Emily

Oh yeah, I forgot about that.


Tom

Xoc is going to lean over the hearse.


Tom (as Xoc)

Uh, E-Elee? What are we going to do to meet Tommy Funbuck?


Emily (as Elee)

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again because I’m sure it will come up again, when you guys want me to make a plan; I don’t really do plans. I’m the person who punches things after someone else makes a plan. I’m the one who screws up the plans.


Tom (as Xoc)

Ugh, if only Hopper Scotch were here to help us make a plan.


[20:18]


Emily (as Elee)

But I guess, you know, I have all this information about Tommy Funbuck. We need to get his attention, right?


Tom (as Xoc)

Right. Loell said he’s a pretty awful person, and he likes other awful people.


Kyle (as Loell)

Yup, absolutely the worst!


Kyle

And you just see Loell sitting cross-legged in the back of the hearse.


Tom

Oh, right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.


Ari

Oh no, you summoned him.


Tom

Xoc is just going to turn around a little bit, nod a little bit, then lean down to say:


Tom (as Xoc)

So what terrible thing can we do to get his attention?


Tom

[Laughter] Incidentally, Hallie’s idea is just the best one.


Emily

What’s her idea?


Tom

Pretend to get hit by the float and then sue him for all he’s worth.


Kyle

Let’s be honest: Tommy Funbuck does not adhere to many laws. You bet his ass he knows about suing.


Tom

I’m wondering how to phrase this, because this doesn’t feel like a thing Xoc would suggest, but we do like, we pretend to get hit by the float and we’re like, Oh no! Oh no I’ve been hit! Only fine wining and dining in a luxury suite can cure this. Only that can save me. And the deep financial liabilities of my medical bills.


Kyle

I’ve got an idea. Loell’s just going to sit there and be like:


Kyle (as Loell)

I don’t know, you guys are kind of in a tough situation because like, if you ruin his show he’s just going to be upset, and he’s going to get you killed. He’s just going to kill you. But, you know, Tommy Funbuck does have a few laws he follows. Like, uhh, what are those called. Those lawsuits? You know the thing where like, you get someone upset, and then you wear a suit and it just takes out all your money, as payment? Yeah, no, he uses those all the time, and you could convince him to put one of those on. I mean, he’s going to do anything you want.


Tom

Xoc will like lean down again to Elee and say:


Tom (as Xoc)

Elee, have you ever heard of a lawsuit? Loell says that’s our best plan.


Emily

Uh, have I heard of a lawsuit?


Kyle

You have—actually, no, roll. Roll to see if you’ve heard of a lawsuit.


Emily

Okay, and I, um, I am trained in identification recall.


Kyle

Okay, and this would have been something you’re recalling from your life, so that’s good.


Emily

Yeah. Badoop!


[Die rolls.]


15.


Kyle

Yeah, so you dated a lady once, uh, awhile ago. Like, a couple decades ago, right when they stopped using lawsuits and they started using law tuxes, thank you very much. And she talked about law tuxes so much that you ended up breaking it off. You didn’t even like tell her you were breaking up. You just left one day, and you took—you took her law tux, and you just wrote “suit” on it.


Emily

That feels accurate. Also, she dated a lady and then ran off once? She did that all the time.


Kyle

Okay, that happened all the time, but to that person. I’m going to put it this way, every identification recall Elee uses will be related to somebody she’s been with. She has a very thorough history.


Emily

[Laughter.] Anyway, um, okay, so I remember the lawsuit.


Emily (as Elee)

Yeah, you know, actually, I remember those. I--uh--I ruined one once. Uh, maybe twice? I’m not sure. Tell you what—I’ve got a decent amount of armor. I’m a pretty tough lady. I’m going to go in front of the float. There’s our plan. I made a plan.


Kyle

[Laughter.]


Tom (as Xoc)

Okay. Will the float be okay? When--when you hit it?


Emily (as Elee)

Oh. Oh that’s a good point. I’ll jump backwards when it hits me, just in case.


Kyle

As you’re making this plan, I’m assuming you’ve turned around to start talking to Xoc, right?


Emily

Yeah, but I still want to like, keep a sense of where Soe is.


Kyle

Okay, so as that happens, you see out of your peripheral vision a brightly colored propeller fly in, and you just hear Soe go:


Kyle (as Soe)

Eep! Oh! I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.


Kyle

And you hear another familiar voice say:


Kyle (as Mauve)

Not a problem at all, darlin’. Everett let go of it way too soon. Everett, apologize.


Kyle (as Everett)

I’m not—I’m not sorry.


Kyle (as Mauve)

Everett…


Kyle (as Everett)

Okay, I’m sorry. Can I have my hat back?


[Quirky music begins.]


Kyle

And you turn over and you see Soe giving the propeller beanie back to Everett and Mauve. And Mauve turns over and says:


Kyle (as Mauve)

Oh hey! Elee Badge! You come to enjoy the show, too?


Emily (as Elee)

Hey Mauve! Uh, hey Everett.


Tom

Xoc will also wave hi from way up on the hearse.


Tom (as Xoc)

Hello, everyone!


Kyle

Mauve waves up to you, and Everett is just, he’s analyzing this beanie for every crease and crevice that could have gone onto it. And he’s apologizing like:


Kyle (as Everett)

Oh, I’m so sorry. No, I didn’t—I didn’t mean it.


Kyle

And he’s talking clearly to the propeller beanie and not to Soe.


Emily

I’m going to take a step closer to Everett.


Kyle

He’s not—he doesn’t notice.


Emily (as Elee)

Everett! [Snaps fingers.] I know you’re young, but I feel like this is something you can figure out, Everett. I feel like this is something you can do. Think about who you should be apologizing to. Is it the young girl who you almost, or did, I don’t know—if you hit her, I’m going to murder you, but um—should you apologize to her, or should you apologize to the hat? You have one chance to answer.


[25:12]


Kyle

He looks really confused at Mauve when you say “young girl,” and he’s like:


Kyle (as Everett)

Fine. I guess you’re right. I’m sorry, Ms. Mauve.


Kyle (as Mauve)

Everett, I think she was talking about the girl.


Emily (as Elee)

Soe.


Kyle (as Everett)

Who am I apologizing to? The girl or Soe? Who is Soe? Have we met her?


Emily (as Elee)

Never mind, I can’t deal with this right now.


Kyle

And Soe just raises her hand and she’s like:


Kyle (as Soe)

Hi, I’m—uh, it’s me. I’m Soe. I’m, uh, I’m Elee’s daughter.


Kyle

And at that, Mauve just turns over to you and goes:


Kyle (as Mauve)

[Insidiously] Reeeally…? How interestingggg. I have to confess, Soe, I haven’t heard about you before.


Emily (as Elee)

Neither had I, actually.


Kyle (as Soe)

I was a surprise.


Emily (as Elee)

You sure were, Soe. You sure were!


Tom

[Choking in the background]


Kyle (as Mauve)

Ohh, oh, well, surprises are—are good things. They help keep us on our toes, so.


Emily (as Elee)

Who knew it was the vocile men who get pregnant?


Kyle (as Mauve)

Who—who knew? Who would know—who would know that. Who would—who would keep so little track of things that they wouldn’t know about that.