• Quest Friends!

Ep. 32: Questionable Measures, Part 14

Updated: Apr 29, 2019

Lorraine's won. What now?

Listen as our heroes:

SUIT up in spandex!

POKE a particularly dangerous bear!

SAY goodbye (and hello)!

Check out ExQueerience Points: http://www.exqueeriencepoints.com/

TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version):

Kyle

Cartesian bled.

[Dramatic beat.]

Kyle

Its short time spent by a detective too focused on hot-headed rivalry, the village sought out any remedy within arm's reach, and like a bloodletting doctor of old, she offered a solution that was costly, yes, but unchallenged.

Cartesian had no choice but to give Lorraine Stiles her first victory over Hopper Scotch, and she had no choice but to take it. Lorraine traveled across the Steadfast, a trail of apathetically spent shins marking her footsteps. In those years, she made legacies, and it was all so dreadfully boring. Lorraine could do anything. Many would argue she did everything, but it wouldn't change the one stinging truth: Hop had failed. All these years, had they really been a lie? No, no. Lorraine had promised herself she had forged the perfect rival in Hopper Scotch, and Lorraine Stiles always kept her promises.

[Energetic, jazzy detective-esque music begins.]

So, she would set up a test, just like the one she had made for him all those years ago. A theft would come first, something small, something simple. Gaining Hopper's attention, that was the more attracting of a challenge. He was cautious, even more so after his failure at Cartesian, but for the first time in a long time, he had liabilities. Three fellow adventurers, for whom Lorraine had no interest, but who could be motivated where Hopper would not.

And so Lorraine got to work. She found her target. A small informational robot named Q-BO would be easy enough to steal. She tied her bait--an obscure atlas was a small thing the trade in exchange for access to the Jagged Dreams secrets--and she laid her trap. Simply planting the blueprints in Hopper's hotel room would be enough to incriminate him, but informing the Jagged Dream of these blueprints would embroil him even further.

And then, she waited.

She waited as Hopper took his first steps into Roulettia. She waited as he accepted her job, and then promptly planned to sabotage it. She waited as he found the blueprints, as he stole the atlas, as his friends sparked a revolution and made an enemy of every single piece of power in Roulettia. Lorraine Stiles waited for her plan to fail, for all her months of scheming to crumble in exhilarating embarrassment.

And as the minutes tick closer to that final hour, when the trap would finally spring and she would claim her second victory over Hopper Scotch, Lorraine wondered:

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

If Hop failed...he wouldn't, but if he did...

No. It wasn't worth considering. After all, there were some possibilities that even Lorraine Stiles found impossible.

[Opening theme intensifies.]

Kyle

A deep impact echoes through the metal archways holding up Q-BO's dome prison, while single skylight illuminates Regular Bob's four twitching fangs all raised in a uniform --

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Low, unsettling hiss.]

Kyle

One floor down, the siren song of Roulettia's Tenth World Auction sings out to excited elites, who push past Misha into the auction house. And further down from that, down, down near the core of the Ninth World itself, Hopper Scotch's dropped stomach continues to plummet. You've been duped. Lorraine has won. It's time to run, or it's time to fight.

Let's roll initiative.

Hallie

I'm perfectly calm. [Strained.] It's fine.

[Several dice roll.]

Emily and Tom

[Gasping.]

Tom

Yesss!

Hallie

Aw, come on.

Tom

Yess!

Emily

These are …

Tom

Ohhh yes. Ohhh sweet Jesus, this was the make-or-break moment. I needed to win initiative or just die.

Ari

[Laughter.] Did you roll a nat 20, Tom?

Tom

A 19, but I think that'll be good enough.

Ari

Oh nice.

Hallie

Boo.

Kyle

Okay, so, uh, Tom rolled a 19, Emily an 18, Hallie and Ari?

Ari

I rolled a seven.

Hallie

I rolled a two.

Emily

[Disappointed.] Ohhh.

Hallie

Off to a good start. [Laughter.]

Tom

Off two a good start?

Hallie

Eyyyyy! [Exclamation trails off into a groan.]

Kyle

All right, so Xoc and Elee, just a kind of reminder of where you are.

[Peaceful, mysterious searching music plays.]

You are in Q-BO's domed little prison, I guess is what you would call it. So you've got metal archways with a bunch of cords tangled around them, a single skylight at the top of the dome, kind of like an observatory but smaller, shines in the bright lights Roulettia down onto a floor mosaic which has been cracked, but your entrance way has been covered by Regular Bob.

Behind this creature with a blank expressionless face, you see the hallway of death, the one that you expertly avoided by just going underneath, and you are currently standing away from the mosaic on top of the raised platform to Q-BO, or...what you thought was Q-BO.

[5:00]

Tom

So Xoc immediately casts Resonance Field.

[Music turns to dramatic, mystical choral music, Xoc’s wizarding theme.]

Xoc will hold out his staff in front of them, and a sort of network of interlocking glowing lines will cover his entire body and the staff, and hum there for a second and then fade. And when they do, the staff begins floating on its own around Xoc's body, slowly twirling end-over-end. And Xoc will, as he like weaves his defensive magic about himself, he'll drop into like a sort of combat pose and begin, like, charging up his gloves.

Resonance Field allows me to treat speed defense attacks as intellect defense--actually it doesn't even specify speed defense. It just says whenever a creature with an immediate range makes an attack, a pattern energizes to block the attack and I'm flavoring that as using my staff.

Kyle

Cool. And you said if it's the creature in immediate range, right?

Tom

Yes.

Kyle

Cool. Uh...

[Mystical music ends.]

Tom

Fuck you.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Fuck you!

Kyle

[Laughs harder.]

Tom

I know exactly what you're doing. You already gloated about your plans.

Kyle

[Laughs louder.]

Tom

That's why I was freaking out about initiative. I need this to not die and I still might.

Kyle

All right. Elee, it is your turn.

Tom

[Whispering.] Fuck him up!

Kyle

I don't know what you're talking about, he's just standing there. I don't know why you were being so aggressive.

Tom

He's got two swords, right?

Kyle

They're not out yet.

Emily

[Indignant.] He's baring his fangs, Kyle.

Kyle

He is. They snap.

Emily

He--y-you said he was crouched in, like, an attack position.

Kyle

Maybe he just wants to play rugby.

Tom

Look, here's the thing. Among all of us, Elee is the first person who would stab someone first, ask questions later.

Hallie

That's true.

Emily

Yeah, so I would like to use the skill thrust. I hope I have… [Trails off away from the microphone.]

Tom

It lets you add one point of damage to a stabbing or piercing or, like, cutting or stabbing attack, at the cost of one might point.

Emily

[Gasps.] My hero! Okay, and I want to put in one level of effort.

Tom

Hit him with everything you've got, please. Oh God, fuck him up.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

Four?! Wait. Can I use experience to re-roll?

Kyle

How many do you have?

Emily

A lot.

Hallie

Do it!

Kyle

Jesus Christ! How do you have six now?

Emily

I--I, uh--I apologized! I mentioned it last time, I apologized.

Kyle

Yes, you can use it.

Hallie

Do it!

Kyle

Yeah. Okay. So how do you--how does this experience help you kind of reattempt this attack?

Emily

Um, I kind of...whiff past, and then my rage heightens and so does my confidence.

[Dice roll.]

16.

Kyle

All right, 16. Uh, yeah, you're going to dig into this boy for seven points of damage. All right, how do you hurt this boy?

[Hard rock anime fight music swells.]

Emily

So it's a little bit anime, like where you just run forward with your fist held out, but when she punches, there's blades. And once she hits, she says,

Emily (as Elee)

I'm going to be really good at this. I recently gained a skill in babysitting.

Kyle

[Laughter.] That's amazing.

Hallie, Tom and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Love it.

Kyle

All right, so you cut through them, and I would say you even cut through one of his four fangs, which splits open, and now he has five.

Emily

What? What?

Kyle

There's no mechanical benefit--

Emily

What? No!

Kyle

--I just thought it would be metal as shit.

Hallie

That feels like a GM intrusion and like she should get her XP back.

Kyle

No, there is no mechanical benefit to it, is purely--anyways.

Emily

Elee says,

Emily (as Elee)

Shit.

Kyle

Fangs can't smile, but you would imagine the--

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Menacing groan.]

Kyle

Has a bit of a happier tone to it. Like--

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Longer, maybe slightly happier, menacing groan.]

Kyle

Okay, that was creepy.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

But he will start biting the air a little bit out of fury, and he will whip over and try to bite you, Elee. And I need you to roll speed defense.

Emily

I would like to put in two levels of effort for speed defense. Two. Twooo!

Tom

Ohhh nooo!

Ari

Oh nooo...

Hallie

No, nooo! [Laughter.]

Kyle

He whips through the air, and actually, as your hand gets out, you notice that it has just been glomped on to by this, like, biting hand, and you're Elee Badge. That means nothing, right? It bites down, and you barely feel--you feel just a-a-a tinge. After your armor, you only feel two points of damage.

[Dramatic beat.]

But you feel the venom.

Tom

[Horrified.] Ohhh noooo!

Kyle

A mild paralytic venom, and it will increase the difficulty of all your actions by one step, if you fail a might defense role. So, at the start of your turn you're going to have to do that might defense role.

Emily

[Strained.] Yay.

Kyle

And then from there, we're going to move down one floor. And we're going to see that everyone has pushed past Misha Jarvis and has now entered the hall, and Misha, you can hear Lorraine Stiles being introduced and starting to sing this performing tune for everyone. And kind of I'm curious, like, what do you do? Because unlike Hop, you don't have a hundred percent, like, clear definition that everything has gone--

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

Fucking shits up.

Ari

Um, well, I think my first instinct would be to reach to Xoc and ask what's going on. So Misha is going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

Xoc. It appears to me that the auction is going to take place. Has Q-BO been rescued yet?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Explosions, gunfire, and sounds of war play in the background.]

Misha Jarvis, everything has gone wrong. Q-BO's not up here. It was a trap set by Lorraine. Ah, try to find Q-BO.

[Combat noises stop.]

[10:05]

Hallie and Ari

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

Ah, well, I will do my best. A-are you safe?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Explosions, gunfire, and sounds of war play in the background.]

I think so.

[Combat noises stop.]

Kyle, Hallie, and Emily

[Uncontrollable laughter.]

Tom

Xoc lies.

Ari

I hate you. What do you keep lying to me?

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

I guess this is gonna have to come bite me next chapter.

Ari

It will. Okay.

Kyle

I mean, like, Regular Bob is right there. It might bite you in one turn.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

Xoc’s just going to say,

Tom (as Xoc)

[Explosions, gunfire, and sounds of war play in the background.]

Just focus on getting Q-BO, we can--we can take care of us here.

[Combat noises stop.]

Ari

Misha's going to nod, and be like,

Ari (as Misha)

It--it--it is fine, Xoc. I trust you.

Ari

And then they will...I guess they will follow the crowd?

[Instrumental electro swing music, the score of Lorraine’s song, plays.]

Kyle

All right. So Misha, you walk into the room and you see...a show. Lorraine is in front and she is doing superb, like she is an expert singer. She isn't breaking a sweat. She's got a smile, but for the first time, her--her fake smile doesn't seem fake in a menacing way, it feels fake almost in a sad way? You see people in the audience. They're just sitting down in the chairs. A couple of folks are standing up and like, just, you know, fist-pumping to this electro-swing music, and you see Lorraine in the front in this beautiful dress, with this large hat that her hair is tucked up inside of.

And behind her and in between the aisles, you see doing a perfect synchronized dance, a total of twelve gray-eyed Misha Jarvises in glorious, glittering spandex, and they are dancing. They're dancing their fucking hearts out doing a hardcore, like, synchronized jazzercise routine to the song.

[Electro swing music fades.]

Ari

All right. Well at that then, Misha is going stand really still, and they can't really process what they're seeing, and then they are going to, a little bit hesitantly, approach one of the androids that’s in the aisles. And, and after a moment of, just, hesitancy, they are going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

[Slowly, hesitation in each word.] Salutations. E-excuse me, but what is your nomenclature?

Kyle

Okay. So the Misha Jarvis takes a look at you, and after a moment, says,

Kyle (as Jazzercise Misha)

[A beat.]

New backup language acquired! Salutations. Salutations!

Kyle

And they start singing salutations along to the beat of the song, and they keep dancing.

Ari

Misha's going to...uh, they're going to, like, clench their fist a little bit. Like, they're really distressed, and a little bit insulted, and they are going to grab the android, and they are going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

It appears to me that you are required in a different place. I come here as a replacement. You are no longer needed.

Ari

Is there a place where, like, there's not a lot of people, like it's semi-secluded?

Kyle

Literally--like you've got some workers on the exhibition floor, but literally everybody is kind of in the auction, so nobody really cares. Like any place except for, uh, except for the auction is fair game.

Ari

Okay, so I want to take them then to just like a corner or something where people are not present.

Kyle

Okay. Do you like grab them somewhere?

Ari

I was picturing, um, grabbing their hand.

Kyle

So you see that they grab their hand with their other hand and start pulling it as like a new impromptu dance move. They seem to be listening to whatever you're saying as instructions for dance. All right, so you--you take this out of the room, and then we will figure out why you did that on your next turn.

[Jazzy detective music begins to play.]

So we are going to move one floor down as you walk out of the room the camera goes down one more floor, and we see Hop. So Hop, you still got handful of dancers around you. But as soon as Lorraine left, the rest of them started to filter out too. The only things you really have to keep you company are these fake Tommy Funbuck clothes. You don't even have your hat, that's somewhere on the floor, and then you can see there are still a couple of guards trying to find you and your friends kind of throughout the dance floor. So, everyone else, I asked what they're doing, but for you I ask, how is Hop feeling right now?

Hallie

He's not looking good. Hopper has been left absolutely shaken by that conversation with Lorraine. So when she walked away he would have just kept standing there, like in the pose that he was in when they were dancing, and he wouldn't have moved for a while. But because she heavily implied that Xoc and Elee were in some sort of immediate danger, he's gonna try to shake himself out of that and then start running towards them, towards the dressing room, because that's where the spiral staircase to get up it is.

But then he'll remember on his way there: no, no, they climbed up that using things but I don't have. So then he'll do an about-face and go towards the elevator, the death elevator, because he remembers that when Misha read the fancy tech language, two of the three traps didn't affect him, and the other one was a quiz. And if he's going to have to face a death elevator, a quiz is at the top of Hopper's preferred challenges.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

So he's gonna head that way. You said the hat's on the floor?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

Okay, so he will run and then he'll stop ‘cause he'll see the hat on his way, and he'll make a motion to go pick it up from the floor. And then he doesn't. And he continues on his way.

[Detective music stops.]

[15:02]

Tom

[Gasps.] Noooo.

Emily

Nooo!

Ari

[Horrified.] What?!

Hallie

Hopper Scotch is hatless. Well, he's got the Tommy Funbuck hat.

Kyle

But it's--it’s a worse hat.

Hallie

It's a significantly worse hat.

Kyle

In every way. So you make that run, and, uh, as soon as you get closer to the elevator, the hallways become a lot less gaudy, glimmering, and glamorous…

[Humorous, light, flute sneaking music plays.]

And more like that one really shady back hallway everyone had in their public elementary school--

Hallie

Yep.

Kyle

--that is just like cement and one flickering light. And it's really echo-y? And you start walking down that, and before you hit the corner where you'll see the elevator, I'm assuming you kind of look and peer around before just like barging in and being like hey, what's up?

Hallie

He's present enough to be like, I gotta do this carefully. Yes.

Kyle

All right, so you turn around and you see a costumed aneen which is holding Q-BO, but it's got this giant flaming V on it and it's just kind of like trying to like, lean in the air as hard as it can in like a cool, flirtatious manner. And then you see this really confused blond man in like elevator, like--like in a service outfit, just kind of puzzled looking at the aneen, and they just seem to be talking about stuff. So you hear the aneen in a muffled voice being like,

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Oh, no I--I, uh, I actually won t-shirt dynamite, like I hear that's the most dynamite thing around. Yeah, wouldn’t you agree Chris?

Kyle

And the blond boy just like shakes--he just like looks really confused and is like,

Kyle (as blonde man)

Uh, I--I guess.

Kyle

So yeah, you have that aneen who's flirting with Chris Prevensworthpine, and they seem to be the one who's going to bring up V-BO. And actually Chris says,

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

Wait, aren’t--aren't you supposed to put that thing up? Like, isn't it supposed to be put up already?

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] No, it's--it’s--we can wait. It'll be fine.

Kyle

V-BO, who is supposed to agree with you, is like,

Kyle (as V-BO)

Yeah, dude, it'll be totally fine.

Hallie

[Laughter.] God, I hate V-BO so much.

Kyle

So they're in the room next to the elevator that helps raise it up. So, what are you going to do to get past these guys?

Hallie

All right. Well Hopper would consider just asking if he could use the elevator but this is like, what are the...okay. [Voice distant as she reaches for something, a crash, and a screech.] Oh no, my board fell! I haven't taken it apart yet. Um, Hopper will say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, you're Chris? Chris, someone over there really needs you.

Kyle

[Contemplative.] Roll me--

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

--persuasion.

Hallie

I am skilled in this.

Tom

Shouldn't it be deception, though?

Kyle

Deception, persuasion, [Voice turns delighted.] yeahhh.

Hallie

[In dread.] No, Kyl..I'm not, I'm not--

Kyle

Let's do persuasion. Let's give Hop a break. Also Chris is very trusting.

Hallie

Yeah.

[Dice roll.]

Tom

Okay.

Hallie

Well, that's a four, so that didn't go well for me.

Emily

[Wheeze of laughter.]

Kyle

The aneen is going to turn over and be like,

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] [Slowly, with suspicion.] Reeeally.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yep.

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Why would they bring you to talk about that? Why don't you take care of that?

Hallie (as Hopper)

I was the nearest person. They told me to find Chris. I am not Chris.

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Hmmmmm.

Kyle

They're gonna walk closer and closer to you.

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Did Lee put you up to this?

Hallie (as Hopper)

I think that was their name.

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Lee's been trying to get Chris for weeks.

[Humorous, tuba-heavy music plays.]

Kyle

And Chris is like,

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

I don't know what's going on here.

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] You can tell Lee that they can shove it. They only have t-shirt guns. I got the dynamite, I get the Chris!

Kyle

And Chris is just sitting there like,

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

I really don't know what's going on.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I-I could pass on that message, but I think it would be more effective coming from you.

Kyle (as aneen)

[A beat.]

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] No.

Tom

[Incredulous laughter.]

Kyle

And we are going to move back up.

Everyone

[Laughter.]

Hallie

What?

Everyone

[Continued laughter.]

Kyle

You rolled a four! [Laughter.]

Hallie

[Laughing.] No! No! Just, no! Fuck this guy!

Tom

No!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Xoc, it is your turn. What are you gonna do?

Tom

So Xoc sees Elee take that bite, and he is going to begin gathering energy in his left hand, charging that up into his cutting light gauntlets. And I am going to let out a blast of cutting light with...two levels of effort to hit, and one level to damage. I have intellect for days. For days, I tell you.

[Dice roll.]

Natural 20! Holy shit!

Hallie

Ohhhh!

Tom

Oh!

Kyle

So do you want to take the damage or do you want to take a max, uh, an--an effect?

Tom

[Hopefully.] Can I can I make him lose his next turn?

Kyle

You can. So let's first deal with the damage.

Tom

So with the effort that would be eight points of damage. So I assume five after armor.

Kyle

Okay. And then how do you make him lose his turn?

Tom

Hmm. This is what happens. Xoc lines up a deadly accurate shot, but he, like, flinches it away from being like a headshot at the last second and slashes the beam of light across Bob's body and hits a wall nearby with like the end of the beam cut. And it sends out a burst of sparks that flash into Bob's eyes, either burning him or stunning him or something--

Kyle

Bob doesn't have eyes.

Tom

Oh, he doesn't. Oh, whoops.

Kyle

It gets...his mouth?

[19:58]

Tom

How about this? How about this? The pain of the blast causes him to stumble as the beam of light slashes across his body and he hits his head on a piece of, like, protruding rebar something. It's like, you know, you know like a Bioshock room with like the rebar that extends out along the walls. It's all fancy and looks like archways, like some of that protrudes into the room. Let's say that. He bumps his head on that and loses his turn.

Kyle

And now it is Elee's turn.

Tom

Fuck him up.

Emily

[Small distressed noise.] I want to run at him and try to whack him while he's stunned with my folding chair, and I would like to put in two levels of effort to damage.

Kyle

Hit me...or try.

Hallie

Fuck you Kyle.

Emily

[Dice roll.]

[Uncertainly.] 12?

Kyle

You go and you hit, and your bones seize up, and for a second you're like, yup, this is it. But then you realize, shit. It's the poison.

Emily

[Forlornly, quietly in the background.] Noo...

Kyle

Give me a roll to see if you can shake off the poison, because you didn't do that defense role.

Emily

I forgot, and then I just remembered what you said. Mmm? 16?

Kyle

Yeah, no, that poison is still there.

Emily

Ehhhhhh.

Kyle

You do not resist that poison.

Emily

I'm just stuck then?

Kyle

You just, you seize up a little bit, and you'll be able to move but you still have to shake off that poison.

Tom

It makes everything one step harder.

Emily

Okay, if I'm frozen I want to like turn my eyes over to Xoc and be like,

Emily (as Elee)

I think it got me.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Pained noise.]

Kyle

All right.

Emily (as Elee)

Maybe you should run.

Kyle

And um, with that Regular Bob does jack shit than nurse his head. He's got a big owie. He's very cross. So we're going to go back to Misha and Misha 12. Misha Prime, what are you going to do?

Ari

Misha--they are just not having this, but they kind of know what they have to do. And they don't want to do it, but they are just like,

Ari (as Misha)

[Exasperated groan.]

Ari

They’re going to sigh, and they are going to say,

Ari (as Misha)

I need you to stay here. But I also must request that you lend me your garments.

Kyle

If this was like a movie and we couldn't see them, like that would happen in like two seconds and we would just see a crumpled-up spandex jumpsuit just plop on Misha's face.

Hallie

Wait, so Misha gets “give me your clothes” and immediate acquiescence. I get…”no.” Come on! [Laughter.]

Ari

Okay, so Misha, at that, they're gonna point and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Until further orders, remain here and do not let yourself be seen by other people or androids.

Kyle

Okay, that Misha will actually disguise itself like a statue. So it'll just put itself up into a statuesque pose because you're an android so you kind of look like you're made out of statue.

Hallie

“Made out of statue.”

Kyle

If you're all right with this disguise, I like the idea of It kind of like turning into the statue like pose. So now it just looks like a really artful piece of artwork.

Ari

I like that. Just--just to make sure, Misha is going to put the hair of the android like on top of its face so that it's a little bit hard for it to be recognized if somebody sees that. But then, so Misha is going to change--with really a lot of effort because spandex is really, um, it's a really tight material, Kyle, but with a lot of effort they're going to put that on, and they're gonna leave their...I didn't have a bag, but I guess they're just gonna put their own stuff like in a corner somewhere as well. They're going to take their mask off, and they are going to move their hair so that it covers, a little bit like a--like an edgy boy, but not in that intent, so that it covers their, ah, left eye.

Kyle

So this look is Everett approved. But no, I get what you're saying. So cover up the eye so they only see the gray one. All right, I'm going to say because that Misha was so compliant and it took like two seconds to--to get their clothes off--I'm going to cut that.

Ari

[Snort of laughter.]

Kyle

Because it was so compliant and all that went so quickly, we can describe what happens next. So you, so you back to the room and what do you start doing? What do you do?

[Cheesy jazzercise music fades in.]

Ari

Okay, so I basically try to get on the stage. So I like a move along the line of the other androids, and with all of the embarrassment and fury that Misha is feeling because they really hate this, they are gonna try and look as lifeless, or like as android-like--as compliant android-ish as they can look at and they're just gonna like walk by them in the direction of the stage, so they can go on top of the stage.

Kyle

Okay, I'm gonna say you can make it there. Oh, but I forgot--shit, I forgot one thing: [Gleeful.] compliant androids dance.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So give me a roll for dancing.

Ari

[Dice roll.]

Okay, I rolled a twenty, mister.

Hallie and Tom

[Gleeful shouts.]

Ari

I am just killing it on the dance floor, my dude.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

The best nat 20 ever rolled.

Tom

What a blessed session.

Kyle

All right, how does--how did--first off, I need you to describe your dance and describe how it benefits you. I need both of these things for me.

[24:51]

Ari

Um, well, I imagine it's a very...it's a very artistic interpretive dance, and I am going to shape it in the fact that for this session, I want to be sure to still have that storytelling ability. So like, that's the one I'm going to have, and that then the interpretive dancing is a form of storytelling, and so they are going to be doing interpretive dancing, as they are moving along the lines of this vicious thing, and the way that it's gonna help me, is that as I do it, I am going to artistically push the other androids aside as I am walking forward on the stage.

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

I'm just imagining like the Peach/Daisy “hachaaaa” bump.

Hallie

I was just imagining the Wii Fit Trainer pose all the way through.

Everyone

[Laughter.]

Ari

Yes, Wii Fit Trainer!

[Jazzercise music begins to fade out.]

Kyle

And it's convenient, cause as soon as you get there, Lorraine's song slows down to a second, more subdued one, and the song is singing about the exact story that you're naturally presenting.

Ari

Mm.

Kyle

So you just seemed perfect and like all the other Misha Jarvises are like, oh shit, I guess like, fuck! And they just kind of, like, all go out to the corners and just kind of sit there and watch. One of them even sits down in the audience, because like, it just--this is too much information to process. It needs to like, not do anything to make sure that its, like, fairly limited circuitry is able to understand it. And you are up on the stage, and Lorraine...you rolled a 20. Lorraine noticed that it was you, but she was impressed and is not inclined to say anything right now.

Ari

So is she just pretending that she didn't notice?

Kyle

She is pretending that she doesn't know that you are you, and that is because for the first time, out of any one of you except for Hopper Scotch, for the first time one of you has made an impression.

Hallie

Wow.

Ari

Oh my God, I don't know how I feel about this.

Kyle

[Laughter.] I'd call it a GM intrusion, but in Lorraine's mind, it's the perfect nat 20. Alright, so we are going to move down a little bit to where things are not going so hot.

Ari

So Hop.

Kyle

Or going so Hop.

Tom, Kyle and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I'm so angry.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

As this one aneen is just glaring over you, what are you gonna do?

Hallie

Okay, so, uh, as part of my Metes Out Justice ability, I have designate innocent and guilty. He's pretty peeved at this aneen right now, but he--the aneen probably hasn't like, murdered anyone, so Hop's going to designate this aneen as innocent, because I can just make up fake criteria for this, it says.

Kyle

But innocent of what?

Hallie

Innocent of some sort of horrendous mass crime. It's Roulettia, so they've probably done something like, little bad but probably not like …

Kyle

So you're basically saying of all the terrible aneens, this one seems the most pathetic.

Hallie

Yeah, essentially, and therefore innocent. Um, and designating someone as innocent makes social interactions easier by one step. So then, Hopper will be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Look, you could waste your time here, but I'm an outsider in this weird rivalry you have. All I know is that Lee said something about some big surprise for someone named Chris that no one would ever be--would ever be able to top ever, and it had something to do with footwear.

Hallie

And he's gonna pull out his very nice socks,

[Sexy electric guitar music begins.]

Which if I can get a target to look at them for five seconds or longer, also decreases the difficulty of a social interaction by one step. So he's gonna add,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I mean he said he had nicer socks than these, and these are very nice socks.

Kyle

Dynamite aneen, formerly known as bazooka aneen--

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

--is very interested, uh, is very interested, and wants to know what the fuck Lee is up to, that conniving bastard. And is going to look at those socks for very long, and I want you to roll a persuasion.

Hallie

[Dice roll.]

[Sexy music stops abruptly.]

I'm switching dice. This is ridiculous. Another four.

Kyle

So Hallie, I normally wouldn't say this. You ever consider experience?

Hallie

Let me double check how many I have, hang on. I wanted to save it for...I only have two, I wanted to save it for...I'll use an experience to get past this fucking aneen.

Kyle, Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, how does your experience help you?

Hallie

Can we say that, like, noticing how legitimately interested the aneen is in these socks, Hopper started putting them away, like, as like a power move? And that spurred the aneen to be like “no, I gotta go find Lee.”

Kyle

Gimme a roll.

Hallie

Another one? Oh, oh, yeah, because I reroll with my XP--oh my God, it's a two!

Tom and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I'm switching die.

Kyle

So I'm going to resolve this--

Hallie

Great.

Kyle

--with a GM intrusion.

Hallie

Yayyy.

Kyle

So take that XP back. Who are you gonna give the other point to?

Hallie

Um, I am gonna give it to Misha for interpretive dance punching people out of the way because I love that so much.

Kyle

So you, uh, you say that and um, the dynamite aneen looks interested, and it's like almost reaching out for the socks. And then you hear the elevator [Makes buzzing “elevator” noise.] come down, and two guards--who are also in costume--they come down and they just look at the aneen. And they're like,

[30:02]

Kyle (as costumed guard)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Susuran, what the fuck, V-BO was supposed to be up there five minutes ago.

Kyle

And we are gonna go back to combat.

[Hard rock anime music starts up again.]

Xoc, it is--it is your turn. Regular Bob has shaken himself and he is he is ready and raring for another round of Mortal Kombat.

Tom

So Xoc is not leaving Elee behind. Also Elee can probably move. It's probably fine. Everything's fine. Xoc's gonna do the same move again because he has got a lot of power in there. It almost feels like he's trying to draw in more this time. He's going to have to hold his left arm to keep it from shaking, as he, like, draws in for another blast. Once again, two levels to hit, one to damage.

[Dice roll.]

Oh, that's bad. That's an eight. I--I think that's a miss.

Kyle

Let me quick do some mental math here. Yeah, no, that blast goes and--

Tom

[Gong noise--the sound of metal vibrating after impact.]

Kyle

I'd say yeah, since you said you were going to hold your hand. I just say you can't, and so it just--

Tom

Just cutting through metal in the ceiling or the walls or something.

Kyle

Yeah, not bad enough that it's going to cause things to get worse. But--

Tom

Oh, yeah. Yeah, just--just it's like glowy gouged lines on it.

Kyle

Yeah, like Avengers movie collateral damage right now. Things haven't gotten bad yet. All right, Elee.

Emily

So under us is …

Kyle

The auction Hall.

Emily

Ok, so everyone's, like, in there, right?

Kyle

Yeah. Everyone is in there.

Emily

Okay, because I was like maybe I should just break it. But no.

Kyle

You’d have, a lot more enemies, very quickly.

Emily

And I don't want to kill people.

Kyle

Ehhhhh?

Tom

We might--we might kill Regular Bob.

Emily

Relatively innocent peop--

Kyle

I wouldn't call them innocent. I really… [Laughter.]

Emily

Relatively.

Kyle

[Sounds of disagreement.]

Emily

Relatively. I'm fighting a rorathik, hush.

Tom

We're not about collateral damage.

Kyle

Unlike the Avengers.

Kyle, Tom and Emily

[Laughter.]

Emily

Okay, so I have to roll again to see if I can shake off the poison?

Kyle

Yeah, I'd say just do it when you do your action.

Tom

So wasn't it just the...like now that the initial roll has failed, for the duration of combat, it's just one step harder for everything or is it just a new save every turn to break that off?

Kyle

It says difficulty to the victim's actions by one step, and I think especially because Elee's such a powerhouse it'd be interesting to have it each turn.

Tom

Yeah. I like it.

Kyle

I'll say and once she shakes it, that's it, game over, can't do it again.

Tom

Okay!

Emily

Okay. So the chair did not work.

Kyle

Chair did not work.

Emily

And Elee, for a second--because Emily also does--tries to decide whether she wants to redeem the chair or whether she wants to go with the claws, which have already worked. I think I'm gonna go with the chair.

Kyle

Elee has to believe in redemption. If she can't believe in redemption for her chair, can she believe in redemption for herself?

Tom

[Hesitantly.] Uhhhhh okay.

Hallie

Go Elee go.

Tom

All right...

Emily

Um, and I want to put in a level of effort to hit, and a level of effort to damage.

Kyle

Okay. Yeah, give me that roll first.

Emily

Oookay…

[Dice roll.]

Ten. Yeah, I'm gonna re-roll with experience.

Kyle

Okay. So how does experience help you get rarin’ and ready to go?

Emily

I really want to redeem this chair.

Hallie

Do it!!

Kyle

She believes in this chair.

Emily

It's like, if this chair doesn't do it one more time, we're just gonna go with the claws, but let's …