Ep. 43: Crime and Courtship, Part 8

We become Homestuck.

Listen as our heroes:

MEET The Professor!

CONCOCT horrifying culinary nightmares!

VISIT their daughters!

Content Warnings: Food (13:00-16:55), Alt-right insults (14:05-14:15), volume (14:40-15:00), references to animal cruelty (26:45-26:55)

Learn about our Anniversary Celebration plans: https://www.questfriendspodcast.com/post/quest-friends-birthday-bash-2019

Support Dont Cry Witch on Kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mightymeller/dont-cry-witch-volume-1

Submit a Q&A question: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdpVvRAVn4qc7HsMXy9Lmc1fUPg3ipAjiyfkB3vnZpIDVpKtQ/viewform

Map of the Prodigious: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1h81DsGIYEd_xuFkXDhxVa1MemWZ_55fE/view?usp=sharing

TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version)

Kyle

Hey everyone, it's Kyle, from the...the show. I'm just here at the start to remind you that we have content warnings at the bottom of the description of every episode. We have a fair few this episode. Nothing gets too dark, we just get kind of weird at certain points, and I think we could hit some things that would be upsetting. And I want to make sure you're armed with all the knowledge that you would need for that.

So please, check those content warnings below, and be sure to skip over anything that you think just wouldn't sit well with you. Alright, that's all I've got. Thanks so much. Let's start the show!

Previously on Quest Friends...

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

Tom

But yeah, Xoc's gonna hold up the arm where the spider is presumably like, lumping around.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Panicked.] Get it out, get it out, get it out! We have to get it out!

Kyle

You seem to be standing in the courtyard made out of ceramic castle-like stone, and you realize that you're hundreds of feet in the air. You see one of these automatons with prismatic markings all over their body rushing towards the edge of the courtyard. The language they're using doesn't seem familiar to you, but because of your experience with machine language, you can make out six words: was found, not safe, must use.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Frustrated.] Hmm. Did Aegon ever keep a journal or notes or anything?

Kyle (as Mako)

No, his only notes were in his brain, and while the only two people with access to that would be the Apocrita itself and I guess the Professor.

Tom (as Xoc)

[More thoughtful.] Mmm.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Where is the Professor?

Kyle (as Mayra)

I am the Professor. The Professor is dead.

[Theme music intensifies.]

Ari (as Misha)

[Music begins to fade.]

Are you what humans would term a zom-bie?

Hallie

[Short, surprised laugh.]

Ari (as Misha)

As you are both dead, but also the professor?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Mayra)

Well, from...from what I've heard about them, that might not feel far off. Uh, so...gah, this had to be, uh, decades ago.

[Mysterious music begins to play—it sounds like something you would hear in a Victorian sitting room.]

I was out delving into dungeons. [Wryly.] You know, normally I, I'd be, I'd be in here, you know as they say for, for every hour you spend dungeon delving you spend ten in the lab, but, uh, I was out on the site, and I had an encounter with, uh, with some stratic life. [More thoughtfully.] And normally the bond is, is made, and that's it and you might never see each other again, but that's not what happened.

We kind of...I can't think of a better term for it. We kind of fused. Suddenly we weren't, we weren't two of us. We were one entity. And I was, she was, we were the...we were the Professor.

[The music slowly fades.]

And that's, and that's kind of how it was, and that's um, that's not really how it is anymore.

Tom (as Xoc)

What changed?

Kyle (as Mayra)

[Gentler, more melancholy music begins to play.]

Ah, we just separated. Uh, the Professor split up. Not sure why, it just, uh, just kind of happened, and we weren't, we weren't sure what to do. We tried kind of fusing together again, but uh, a bond with a patron isn't something that's easily broken. What if it was me? I mean I was the Professor, so it must have been, it must have been me, right? So, uh, we're not together right now. I don't remember a whole lot from that time. I'm not, all my memories aren't there, and I'm really sorry about that. I'm kind of catching my legs again for the first time.

Tom (as Xoc)

How long ago did this happen?

Kyle (as Mayra)

Honestly, it kind of feels like my whole life at this point. Anyways. [Awkward laughter.] Enough of this. I'm really sorry.

[The music stops.]

Enough of this doom and gloom. Let's talk about this world ending cloud of spiders, huh?

[More laughter.]

Kyle

All right, so you walk over to a corner and Mayra says,

Kyle (as Mayra)

All right. So this is all the information that I have on the Kingdom of Prylima.

Kyle

[Gentle, tinkling piano music begins to play.]

And you, Xoc, see some pretty familiar stuff. So you see a painting of ceramic spiraling castles and spherical courtyards with greenery roping around the tiles. Additionally, you see rotund automatons with stone exoskeletons and vine innards. And if you remember when you first got kind of, your first vision after being consumed by the Apocrita, this was the first thing you saw, was a skyline not identical, but pretty close to this. And Mayra says,

Kyle (as Mayra)

The Prylimians were the first species we knew that encountered the Apocrita. They flew on a structure similar to this, this seemed to be kind of their home base.

Tom

[Faintly.] Ow.

Kyle

Were you going to ask something, Xoc?

[The music fades.]

Tom

I hit my heel against my chair, and so I started to go ow.

Kyle

[Amused.] Oh.

Tom

Under my breath.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle

Um, and she just whips out what looks like a pistol. It's flaming, it's shooting out little bursts of wind, and it's also got a massive chisel.

[00:05:00]

Kyle (as Mayra)

This is called a setimenta tatt...a sediment tattoo gun. Sedimentary tattoo. A sediment tattoo gun. It was used to mark one's occupation or role.

Kyle

And Mayra points to an automaton in the painting with spiral markings on its chest, as well as a mold of those same markings on a side-table.

Kyle (as Mayra)

We're not quite sure what this spiral marking means. Ah, in fact there's not a whole lot that we know about the species at all, but that is indicative of something...

Kyle

And Xoc, you know what it's indicative of.

Tom

[Bewildered.] Uh, I-I do?

Kyle

The spiral marketing means "messenger," and you know because above this rock, you see pages woven out of glittering powder. And to most people, they wouldn't mean anything. Even with your understanding of the machine language, you could barely understand how they spoke, much less how they wrote things. But the text on these glittering powder pages are as clear as whatever other languages you speak. I don't know what they're called. Ninth Worldian. Steadfastian.

Tom

The Truth! That's the name of the main language in this region.

Kyle

It's as clue—that's. It's as clear as the Truth. It reads,

[More serious, slightly ominous piano music begins to play.]

Once again, our kingdom was found. Our strategy of retreating is simply not safe. In order to defeat the invading spiders, we must use... and then it cuts off, because again, they're kind of...Mayra can't understand them, so she's just kind of put the pages scattered by each other.

[The music ends.]

Tom

Okay, and so to clarify, because that was the one thing I was a little confused by, the pages are artifacts that Mayra has, not something from my vision

Kyle

No, they're artifacts. They're physically there, and you are physically reading them right now.

Tom

Okay. Xoc is going to, ah, is going to speak up and say,

Tom (as Xoc)

[The more serious piano music begins to play again.]

I...can read this. All of it. I don't know how I can. I assume it's another consequence of the time the Apocrita got inside my head, but that symbol...

Tom

And I'll point to the spiral.

Tom (as Xoc)

Means messenger, and these pages are describing a strategy to protect their Kingdom from...

Kyle (as Mayra)

Wait um, sorry, excuse me. Um, I have a lot of questions.

[The music ends.]

You said you could understand them?

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes, I, I can read all of this.

Kyle (as Mayra)

[Slowly, thoughtful.] And you said the Apocrita was inside of you?

Emily (as Elee)

[Awkwardly.] Surprise.

Tom (as Xoc)

I...one of the spiders got inside me right after they, uh, were let out. We killed it, but I was infected and I almost died. Eventually we got to Mr. Mako, and he gave me some kind of antidote that brought me back, but I...when I was infected, I saw and heard things, and I eventually had someone else's mind inside my body as well.

Kyle (as Mayra)

Some...someone else's...I'm sorry. I'm kind of alternating back and forth. I'm horrified, and I'm really sorry. Do you need more water or something like that? But also academically this is really interesting! This could this could change everything. I mean, it's just, you know, it's just one example, it's not a long term statistical study, but it's still very, um, okay. So there was someone inside your, your head?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Soft, gentle string music begins to play—the music that often previously accompanied Loell.]

Yes. Um, he claimed that he didn't know how or why he was there. He just woke up inside my, my body. We began to speculate that he might have been someone who was consumed by the Apocrita back when the first time it was rampaging around and you all had stopped it.

Kyle (as Mayra)

Wait, the, the, he was someone from the Apocrita? Where did he say he was from?

Tom (as Xoc)

Uh...

Tom

This is where I try to remember what our name is for that. The Py...Pytha...the...

[The music stops.]

Kyle

Pythagorean Empire?

Tom

Is that what we call it?

Emily and Kyle

No!

Hallie

No.

Tom

The Pytharon...is that what we call it?

Kyle

Pyranthion.

Hallie

Nooo.

Tom

Pyranthion! There we go.

Emily

You should’ve let him keep guessing

Tom

He...

Hallie

[Dryly.] I was going to.

[Laughter from the party.]

Tom (as Xoc)

He...he said he was from the Pyranthion Empire.

Kyle (as Mayra)

[Huffs thoughtfully.] Well, that's especially confusing if you were talking to someone from that, because the Apocrita never attacked the Pyranthion Empire. Well, I mean, from my, from my memory. Again, I'm so sorry. I can't remember everything. I'll need to consult...I'll need to consult my records.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, just as likely he was lying to us, too.

Kyle (as Mayra)

Oh, oh dears. Are you all right? I only have water but I could go get more water. You know, I'll go collect more data. It's going to take a little bit of time, but I'd, I'd love to show you some things around. All of you feel free to relax on the Prodigious. I'm so sorry that you had to come all the way here for me, but feel free to relax, just enjoy your time. I'll come catch you when, uh, I have more data.

Tom (as Xoc)

Okay.

Tom

[Hesitantly.] And I guess we awkwardly leave?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

I'm sorry that you're not...with the woman...that you were with.

Tom

Actually, actually, actually, actually, hold the phone, Xoc starts to leave then turns around

Kyle

Xoc, love counselor.

[00:10:00]

Emily

[Laughter.]

Tom

Xoc, PhD in, in, in Doctorate of Love.

Kyle

Yeah, Xoc, who hasn't gotten a single heart with his love interest.

Emily

[Crosstalking, trying not to laugh.] PhD in Doctorate.

Hallie

PhD in Doctorate, yeah.

Tom

Yeah, in Doctorate. Anyway, Xoc starts to leave, but then turns around and just says,

Tom (as Xoc)

Did you...did you ever try talking to your other half?

Kyle (as Mayra)

Yeah. I had to explain what apparently, ah, what I apparently thought.

Tom (as Xoc)

Okay.

Emily

[Sternly.] You did not earn that Doctorate of Love.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

[Laughter.] Did you ever talk to her? Oh, you did? Okay, cool. Okay, cool.

[Laughter from the party.]

Ari

You failed your dissertation.

[Continued laughter.]

Tom

[Defensively.] It just felt like a dramatic line to leave on! And also, also I wasn't entirely sure that Mayra had ever actually tried to get in touch with...

Ari

Why wouldn't she?

Kyle

They tried to refuse! I said that like three times!

Tom

Mayra has been very cagey on what actually happened though! I don't, I know they unfused but I don't know the details.

Kyle

Yeah, they unfused. Just in case it wasn't clear, because I rambled a lot and Mayra apologizes and rambles a lot.

[Jazzy elevator music begins to play.]

Essentially, something felt wrong in the Professor and Mayra was just like, huh. Academically, all the evidence points to I didn't want this. And so then she's just like, hey, it looks like I didn't want this. That's what the studies say.

Hallie

Science doesn't support us.

Kyle

The evidence…[Claps.] I looked at it right here. It's not good. Not good mate.

Hallie

We've got a null hypothesis. It's no good.

[The music ends.]

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Chiming noise.]

Afternoon! Day two!

Kyle

Oh God, that really peaked the audio. Let me try that again.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Chiming noise.]

[Slightly quieter.] Afternoon! Day two!

Kyle

That still peaked real bad. I guess I'm gonna just have to do this after the fact.

Tom

Just do it a little more quietly.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Chiming noise.]

[Even quieter, sounding very creepy.] Afternoon! Day two!

Tom

[A little glumly.] That's fine.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Almost growling.] Mmm.

Tom and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily

We're back to the Fez.

Hallie

[Suspiciously.] I didn't like that.

Ari

You made this choice by picking this voice.

Hallie

Don't do that.

Kyle

All right, so we are in our afternoon session.

[Gentle but upbeat electropoppy music begins to play in the background.]

Reminder that afternoon session, what you all are going to do, you're going to have an opportunity to have a scene in which you can, uh, either look for Ezra, look for Argent, try to solve the mystery a little bit more. You can hit up some cuties if you want, get some heart points, or, uh, you can clearly solve these very unsolved relationship issues.

Afternoon is any time from now to our end of day event. At the end of each day, we're going to have an event that everyone goes to, so after our afternoon session, tonight you'll have Nano Fight Club, which L'adrien invited Misha to, so you'll all go the Nano Fight Club. Tomorrow night you'll have the pep rally for prom, and then on night four you'll have the prom itself.

[The music ends.]

Tom

Prom de Plume!

Kyle

Anyways, you're sitting here having lunch. We have not specified what the lunch food is, so if at any point you want to specify what you're eating, remember, that's all they serve for lunch your whole time on the Prodigious.

Hallie

[Brightly.] Calzunes!

Kyle

Calzunes?

Hallie

Nothing but calzunes! You won't let that happen.

Kyle

I'll compromise with you. They don't have ca-calzunes, but they do have piPods

Hallie

[Indignant.] That's not a compromise! That's just a slap to the face.

[Laughter from the party.]

Fuck you.

Ari

What if it's, what if it's just patza?

Hallie

Patza!

Tom

I would eat patza.

Kyle

What I love is that we already have putsa on the Ritz. So we already have a pizza.

Tom

Ehh.

Kyle

["In The Hall of the Mountain King" begins to play, increasing in ominous intensity as the food conversation continues.]

But this is just pasta pizza. It's pasta pizza in a patty.

Ari

[Startled.] In a patty?!

Kyle

In a patty.

Ari

[Disbelieving.] In a patty. Does—is it made of Patties? Of people named Patty? Or is that a different…

Tom

[Crosstalking.] Eughh.

Emily

[Crosstalking, distressed.] Oh no!

Tom

Why.

Kyle

[Mischievously.] Up in the air.

Hallie

Up in the air?!

Tom

What about, what if, what if they served soylent beans.

Emily

[More distressed.] Oh no.

Hallie

All right.

Kyle

Soylent beans, which is made out of preople. Which isn't a living organism, but it's very bad synthetic. It's synthetic people. God. This is getting disgusting

Ari

Oh god.

Emily

This is so dark!

Tom

Why have you made the food so weird? I, all I did was come up with a funny name. Like, is...

Hallie

[Grimly.] I don't like the turn this took.

Tom

Is fucking Sir Kentram gonna walk through and be like,

Tom (as Sir Kentram)

Hey, bro, why are you such a soy boy? Eating those soylent beans?

[Laughter.]

Emily

It's a man eat man world.

Tom (as Sir Kentrim)

Real men eat chacken wings all hours of the day!

[Laughter from the party.]

[Tom bleats.]

Kyle

This absolutely happens. And I'm assuming, Xoc, you just set down your soylent beans and just push it to the side, or are you not going to get caught up in this alt-right bullshit.

Tom

Actually, I was just going to give him the gift that I got for him.

Kyle

So he insults you, and you're like, here's a gift?!

Ari

[Indignant.] You're giving—

Tom

[Crosstalking, sheepishly.] That's video game logic.

Ari

You haven't given me any gifts and you're giving Sir Kentrim a gift first?!

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

She's got a point.

Ari

Who—

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] She's got a point!

Ari

[Extremely indignant.] Who are you going to prom to?! With?!

Tom

[Sheepishly.] I'm sorry!

Ari

I guess I'll just give my gift to L'Adrien and invite him to prom!

Tom

[The music builds to a fever pitch.]

No! No, we don't need this drama. Hold on.

[00:15:00]

We haven't had like, a moment where there was good pacing to, for gift giving!

Kyle

Anyways, what are you, what are you giving Sir Kentrim?

Tom

I'm giving Sir Kentrim a keg stand.

Kyle

[Laughter.] Perfect. You're up to three hearts. Well, how many heart points did you have with them earlier?

Tom

Didn't I have like a single heart earlier, in our class?

Emily

Yeah, by not going along with the aneens you got a heart.

Kyle

Right, so you're up to three now.

Tom

Yeah.

Kyle

He's like,

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim)

Thanks, man. I can do this keg stand and have raw meat milk all the time!

Emily

[Distressed.] I'm sorry?!

Tom

[Laughing in the background.]

Kyle

Raw milk!

Emily

Is that just blood?

Tom

[Laughing harder in the background.]

Kyle

Nah man!

Tom

Sorry, I guess I love him again, even though he's a garbage boy.

Kyle

[The music crescendos with a cymbal crash.]

Meat milk is when you flex so hard it starts to lactate.

Hallie

[Sputters.]

Tom

[Through gasping laughter.] Oh shit.

[The music ends with one final cymbal crash.]

Ari

No!

Tom

[Crosstalking.] Now if...

Ari

That's disgusting

Hallie

I hate everything that you have done the past several minutes.

Emily

[Distressed laughter in the background.]

Tom

Kyle, Kyle, is that...

Ari

It just keeps getting worse.

Tom

Did you fucking plan that? Have you read Homestuck? Did you know?!

Kyle

No? What?

Tom

Did you intentionally take that from Homestuck? Flexing so hard that you lactate?!

Ari

Is...that Homestuck thing?

Kyle

[Distressed.] What the fuck.

Tom

Have you not—there's a—

Ari

What?!

Tom

There's a, there's a troll boy named Equius who is a muscle horse boy, and he's weird about muscles and mil--I'm just, I'm just gonna have to show you some fucked up shit later.

Ari

[Plaintively.] So disgusting. Why!

Kyle

[Strained.] The fuck!

Ari

Two people thought about this same disgusting thing!

Kyle

This episode is gonna have to have so many content warnings. Like, we have the serious ones, which have a few. This episode is going to have to have so many.

Anyways, do we want to end on some romance?

Tom

Yeah.

Emily

[With Tom.] Sure.

Kyle

So you have your food. Your beans, your patsa, and your third thing. Elee, I'm assuming you check up on your NP children a little bit.

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

[Soft, thoughtful music begins to play.]

And you see that Soe is sitting there and she's talking with Meeghan, and you notice something really weird about her hair. It's very curly, in a very particular way that you've only ever seen...

Emily

[Crosstalking, indignant.] I'm sorry?!

Kyle

You've only ever seen Rei have...

Emily

[Crosstalking, horrified.] I’m sorry?

Kyle

[The music stops.]

You've only ever seen Rei wear her hair like that.

Emily

[Strained.] I'm gonna go over to say hi to my child.

Kyle (as Soe)

Hi Mom! We were just talking about the latest young adult novel!

Emily (as Elee)

The latest young adult novel! Oh, I saw you're doing something new with your hair again, too?

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, yeah! No. No. No, I um, so I had my first class today. I got placed in Puzzles classes!

Emily (as Elee)

Oh!

Kyle (as Soe)

And, and our professor, she's just, she's the nicest. She's just so, like, she's, I don't know. It's, she's like a princess!

Emily (as Elee)

[Strained enthusiasm.] Oh! She seems great.

Kyle (as Soe)

Yeah, no, she's really nice. Actually. I kind of talked about airships for a little bit. It was a, it was a bit of a tangent, I know, but she actually told me that that she knows the person who works on the engines, so she told me I would be able to go down and take a look at them later!

Tom

[Gasps.]

Emily (as Elee)

Really.

Tom

[Faintly.] My heart.

Emily (as Elee)

That'll be awesome, Soe, you'll have to let me know how it goes.

Kyle (as Soe)

Okay! Okay. I'll, I'll be sure to tell you.

Kyle

And before you continue, Meeghan immediately pipes in and says,

[Upbeat tuba music begins to play.]

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

Soe, we have to talk about what happens in the next chapter of the book! I can't believe Devon would have ever said that to Mandy! I don't know if she should take him back after those kinds of things, and in the middle of a war no less. It's just a little bit of mixed priorities if you ask me! [Laughs loudly.]

Kyle

And you can see that she's got a book open, and they're both, uh, looking at their little new novel called Dont Cry Witch.

Hallie and Emily

Ahhhh.

Tom

I fucking love these shoutouts.

Kyle

And Soe says,

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, yeah. No, you know, I really think that he deserves it!

Kyle

And she just turns back and immediately starts engaging.

Emily

Elee smiles. She's--she’s glad to see that Soe's found a friend and is happy, and it's like tough, because we don't know what Meeghan's deal is, but...actually. Elee's actually gonna swing back around and lean down so she's like, her head's between them.

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily (as Elee)

[Whispering.] Don't let anyone see the books.

Kyle

And Soe's like,

Kyle (as Soe)

But why—

[Quieter.] Oh, right.

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah.

Kyle (as Soe)

Right, they can't know about our secret key. Oh!

Kyle

And Meeghan goes,

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

Okay!

Kyle

And she tries to wink like you did earlier.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

But Meeghan still can't wink. So she blinks both of her eyes, which is equivalent of the number of heart points you have with her, because you have another one, cause you looked out for her. So you got two heart points now. Note that, because I'm gonna forget.

Emily

Okay, cool.

Kyle

You might have had two already. If you had two, you have three. I'll note when I'm editing.

Emily

Yeah. However, I had a note in my phone. We said that I could argue that I have more heart points with Meeghan.

Kyle

Okay, so, looking at the time, Emily's romance thing is going to wait til next time. We're going to end with some hardcore negotiation. Hit that negotiation music!

[00:20:00]

[An intense 8-bit jam begins to play.]

Emily

Soe talks about her mom all the time, so I think that Meeghan should get a, not necessarily 100% accurate but definitely positive view of Elee.

[The music stops abruptly.]

Kyle

Fuck. All right, I guess that wasn't that dramatic of an end.

Emily

Aww.

Kyle

All right, you have another point. You have two more points with Meeghan.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

Yeah, that's not a very good ending.

Kyle

No, it's really not a very good ending. So what were you going to do for the day?

Emily

Um, I kind of want to talk to Rei, but I kind of don't? I'm kind of too scared to talk to Rei. I'm gonna go...I'm gonna go find Rei.

Kyle

You don't have to. You go up and you start walking to leave the lunch room, and go find Rei and talk to her. But as you stand up and turn around, you see her looking at you with her lunch tray and she just says,

Kyle (as Rei)

Can we talk?

[Soft, romantic guitar music begins to play.]

Kyle

[The music fades.]

Hello and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends, episode...I always forget to check. Quest Friends, episode 43, Crime and Courtship, Part 8. I am Kyle, your GM, and our intro and outro song is "Friends" and "Hitoshio," both by Miracle of Sound, and we have a lot to talk about today! First, later on in this episode, I pull from the name pool to name two unseen characters! These characters are Devin and Mandy named for @kommacrazy and @mightymeller on Twitter respectively. You might recognize Mandy from such works as our icon and Dont Cry Witch Volume 1, the graphic novel that she is at the very end of Kickstarting right now.

So if you're interested in that kind of artwork, if you're interested in cool stories about witches and the like, witches and teens, teens and witches, check out the link below. It will be at either four or three days left until it finishes backing, so now's the time to get onto it.

You might also recognize Mandy from the comic announcement we did two weeks ago, and let's talk about that for a second. So the short version is the comic isn't happening anymore. We kind of jumped the gun with the announcement a little bit, and in the two weeks since announcing the comic, we've been looking at kind of budget and time things, and it just isn't really viable. In order to get this thing to function, it's not like we would have had to make the Kickstarter be a goal far above what we could reach, or severely under pay Mandy.

The issue is we would have had to do both of those things, and still probably would have lost some money. The other reason is I never want to do anything on the side that would compromise the main series, and unfortunately, the comic had already been kind of doing that. I rushed out last episode two weeks ago in order to get out the announcement, for example. That's the same reason that even though I promised a super long episode today, I'm not doing that, because I think it's more important to have consistent and quality episodes than one that's significantly longer to make up for a shorter one.

So, I'm really sorry for anyone who got really excited about that and kind of feeling let down right now. If you found yourself really interested in the comic, there are still a few things you can do. The first one is really, really, really I would highly encourage you to check out Dont Cry Witch. Mandy does great things, and even though she isn't making a comic with Quest Friends, she's still making her own amazing comics which you should absolutely check out.

The other thing is to watch this feed on September 23rd, because on September 23rd will be releasing a table read version of the show in celebration of our two-year anniversary! And then on Patreon for any Patreon subscribers one dollar above, we'll also be releasing the actual script for the comic, along with any concept art that was performed by Mandy, and then another artist or two as well. And this table read and script version are just a small portion of our big two-year anniversary, which we're still doing and has other components to it.

The first is that on Friday, September 20th from 8 PM to 10 PM central time, we'll be having a Q&A stream on our Twitch page. Just come hang out with us! We're going to do some questions. We'll talk with the chat. We might play a game, who knows, it's up in the air, but it's going to be a great time. We really want to celebrate the fact that we've been doing this for two years, and we have at this point of recording over 50,000 downloads, which is a lot.

[00:25:00]

It's, it's really ridiculous. [A pause.] And yeah, sorry, just hit me for a second. Yeah.

So, um, feel free to reach out to us on any social media or on our contact page in order to submit questions for that Q&A. And then also I've put a link below, a little Google form, if you would rather use that. In addition to the script, in addition to the table read, in addition to the stream, we will do one final thing for celebration, and that's going to be releasing a limited time sticker run for all new and upgrading Patreon subscribers from September through October!

This really, really cute sticker, which was drawn by Mandy and features Xoc and Misha just being real cute as usual, will be available again to all new and upgrading Patreon subscribers in the months of September and October. It will also be available to folks at the $20 or the $50 level, because I'm not going to make you spend more money, that would be ridiculous. So if you're interested in any of the things I mentioned, I have links to all of them below and I'm also going to be creating an official post that compiles all this information on a single page.

If I get it done tonight, it'll be in the link below. Otherwise, it will be available down there in a few days when I get it made up. And even though this is already going to be a very, very long announcement break, I've still got two NPC shoutouts that I have to do. NPC shout outs go to $5 and above Patreon subscribers, and I've got two subscribers who have been waiting for a while on their things. So I want to make sure to get those shout outs now.

Kyle (as Steve the Scrat)

Hi, the first Patreon shoutout goes to Daddy-o, or FibInSlinger, and it comes from me, Steve the Scrat. And Daddy-o says, how about a couple of dad jokes / riddles? Question: how do you make a cat bark? Answer: cover it with gasoline, toss a match on it, woof! Oh, is that a little too dark even for this group of listeners? Well, how about another one? Question: why can't the pony talk? Answer: it was a little hoarse. I'm here all week folks!

Kyle

All right. Thank you, Steve the Scrat, and thank you, Daddy-o, or FibInSlinger.

Our next shout-out goes to Mary, and she says, the most unlikely character has to say, just...be nice.

Oh, okay.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Well, time to kill my voice! Hey, it's me, Virgil. And I gotta tell you today: just be...

[Whispering.]

What?

[Whispering.]

I gotta say it nicer?! Ugh.

[Pained.] My name’s Virgil, and my message for you is just-be-nice.

Ugh.

Kyle

All right. Thank you Mary and thank you, Daddy-o for supporting us on Patreon. That is actually all I have for you today! If you lost any of what I mentioned today, just look at the links below. It should contain all the information I covered, and I will be talking to all of you again on Monday, September 2nd. I'll see you!

[Dramatic music begins to swell, then fades into the romantic guitar music once again.]

Kyle (as Rei)

[The music fades.]

Why are you here, Elee? I know—I know I shouldn't ask. I-I know I shouldn't, but that's why I'm not, I'm not solving a puzzle. I am just asking. Why are you here?

Emily (as Elee)

[Anxiously.] Hi! Um.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

[Stammering nervously.] You're...really smart and pretty...um, um, I'm looking for, for well, one person I'm looking for is a woman, who's not, not as, as great as, as you, but is is also a professor—you're a Prof—I didn't know you were gonna be here.

Kyle (as Rei)

All right, Elee. I...

Kyle

And she looks a little disappointed. She's like,

Kyle (as Rei)</