Ep. 45: Crime and Courtship, Part 10

Hop and Sera try to best Q-BO in the only arena he understands - trivia.

Listen as they:

REVIEW their clues!

DEBATE the order of Sera's names!

ARGUE with the referee!

Content Warning: Volume (35:00-35:20, 40:20-40:25)

Map of the Prodigious: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1h81DsGIYEd_xuFkXDhxVa1MemWZ_55fE/view?usp=sharing

TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version)

Previously, on Quest Friends...

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

Emily (as Elee)

Soe, you're going to meet someone and I want to have a conversation about it afterwards.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Clears her throat.]

Princess Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry, but, ah, you can just call me Sera.

Kyle (as Rei)

My family has been at the highest level of public service for, uh, the country of Ancuan for some years now. You would call us royalty.

Emily (as Elee)

[Startled.] Oh!

Kyle

Five years ago, Ezra facilitated the Coup of Ancuan, a war where Queen Anastasia Brackleberry regained her throne, but at the cost of massive destabilization to our region.

Hallie (as Hopper)

if you ever need any help, my name's Simon. Uh, it was nice to meet you. If you ever need me. I'm not—I'm not a mechanic or anything, but, um, I'd be glad to do my part. What I can.

[Opening music intensifies.]

Kyle

[The music fades.]

Okay. So before we get started. Hallie, do you want to share any clues from your heist board?

Hallie

Oh, yeah! All right.

Kyle

The heist board is back. So we, we know we're in good, we're in good hands.

Hallie

Doot-do-doo! Okay.

[Slightly ominous music begins to play as Hallie describes her heist board.]

I wrote, hopefully Ezra isn't Megan, because I was already super nice to her.

Tom

Meeghan.

Hallie

And then I wrote Megan consistently breaks rules, because she snuck paper into Elee's class. Like at least twice. Cecilos knows about us, but how and how much he knows about us remains to be seen. Claims he has a team but then just pointed to himself.

Ari

[Laughter.] That's just him.

Hallie

Sunny found the string.

[Wryly, responding to Ari.] It might be, we'll see. Sunny found the string connected to the Blue Fairy was connected to the Prodigious. Because of all the stuff we know about stragic...stratic life, I posed a theory, which was, could the Prodigious itself be stratic life? Or maybe Ezra isn't on the boat at all. They're already the datasphere patron. And then I wrote, how much does Vespari know about the Blue Fairy's plans?

[The music fades out.]

Nothing.

Ari

Nothing.

Tom

[Simultaneously with Ari.] Nothing.

Yeah. Absolutely nothing.

Ari

He's just Ludo.

Kyle

I like how you don't need, you don't like even, you're not even looking for confirmation of that fact.

Hallie

Nah, I'm just, I'm guessing. I have that color coded as a theory, because I have a whole key with color coding things.

Tom

[Strained, trying not to laugh.] You have color coding for your heist board?

Hallie

[Delighted.] I sure do! Look at my little key. It's with crayons.

Kyle

Okay, we ready to go?

Hallie

Yep.

Tom

Yes.

Kyle

Hey, hey. Hey. Hey. Hop, we've talked a little bit outside of the session about what your thing is gonna be, and because of that it's actually going to happen at evening. So what have you been up to between your class and dinner, and I want you to link this to your flex skill? Which we forgot to give you.

Hallie

Okay. So...between the professor talk and dinner, Hop would have...he would have gone to try to read, and then remembered where he is, and why he can't do that.

Ari

That keeps happening to him every time.

Emily

So I had a thought about this. Why isn't Hop just checking out new books?

Hallie

Because he's resisting the system. He wants his books!

Kyle

But like...No. Emily has a point.

Ari

You have...you have a li—access to library, right?

Emily

[Laughter.] Soe's library.

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] Yeah. Soe has like, Soe has the access to every book in the back door.

Hallie

Oh, yeah, we have that! Never mind. Hop's gonna go ask Soe for the library key, and then is gonna check out a fucking book. Actually, he's going to check out another one of the historical adventure series that Soe likes, because he also likes it.

Kyle

Yeah, so she'll give it to you, but she'll say,

Kyle (as Soe)

Um, I-I was told that this was the thing that I had to keep safe. I can check it out to you, but I gotta hold onto the key.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay, yeah, that's fine. I just want a new book.

Kyle

Okay. She gives you the new book. She gives you two new books. She's a pushover.

Hallie

Excellent.

Kyle

[Upbeat music begins to play with a maraca gently shaking under the melody of Soe’s theme.]

By the way, as you leave, you notice that, like, a queue of students has started to line up outside of her door.

Emily

[Pained.] Soe, no!

Kyle

And a handful of them are holding books.

Emily

[More intently.] Soe, nooooo!

Hallie

Hopper smiles and walks away.

Emily

I'm so proud of my daughter.

Hallie

He loves it.

Emily

[Strained.] I'm so proud!

Hallie

He doesn't want Soe to get in trouble. But if she's presumably been doing this since there's a line of people already with books, then she's got it handled. She can do this. Hopper believes in her. This is the cause that he will fight for also, and he's glad to see a new generation doing so on this terrible, terrible boat. So yeah. Hopper just kind of, he reads. He doesn't go back to the Jameson Hopper book. He didn't dare ask for that.

Ari

Aww.

Hallie

But he reads a little historical adventurer novels. So for my last flex skill, I chose grappling hooks and then never used it. Um, but what the historical adventure novel made me think of the most was kids hiding behind barrels. So I'd like hiding to be my skill.

Ari

Oh, cute.

Kyle

So, Hop, you've already done that. You've made your way back to dinner. Before everyone else, I'd say you probably got in there.

[Bright, upbeat piano music begins to play.]

So you're currently waiting for everyone else. You're sat next to Everett, who is just head down

[00:05:00]

on the table, just moping. And Jesse, who is also head down on the table, but they are snoring heavily. So I would say that they have their head down on the table for very different reasons.

Jesse, in fact, has their thumb up, because it looks like they're dreaming about playing tails up...

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Heads up, seven up.

Kyle

[Dryly.] Tails up, nine up. I couldn't think of a new title, just heads up seven up. Yeah.

Ari

[Pleased.] Ohh, I love that game.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Hopper...

Tom

I do not know how to play it.

Hallie

Hopper reaches out to put Jesse's thumb down to see how awake Jesse is.

Kyle

Jesse—you can see the, uh, their back kind of slumps up as if they got up to start moving around, but they're not actually moving, they're asleep. They're not going to be walking around the scramble.

Hallie

Hopper debates taking Jesse back to their room, but doesn't think he could do it by himself.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

All right. So Hop, as you do that your eyes kind of move around. There are not many people here. Some folks are coming in early to grab food and leave, but you see, suddenly you see in one of the doorways, you hear something weird. You hear Soe laughing, which you haven't heard before.

And I now realize that I have to pay that off by coming up with a horrible laugh for Soe, but I can't bring myself to do it. So just imagine it's the cutest fucking laugh in existence.

Hallie

Gotcha.

Kyle

And she is chatting it up with that, ah, woman that you met last night, the one working on the ship. What was, what was her name?

Hallie

Uh, Seraphinia Willow Delilah Brackleberry.

Kyle

Right, yeah.

Tom

[Dryly.] Curiously specific, Hopper Scotch.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

He remembers the whole name.

Kyle

Yeah. So you see the two are kind of chatting it up, and they seem to be almost looking around. And I need you to roll speed defense.

Hallie

All right, I'm breaking out my fancy new metal dice, which I was given by a friend. Gonna just roll this super impressive heavy metal die. [Dice roll.] Nine!

Ari

Ohh.

Hallie

[Laughing slightly.] Ari says with disappointment.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

You hear a...

[Long, high whistling noise.]

Instead of hearing the explosion that's usually accompanied by it...

[Whimsical, upbeat music begins to play. It's sweet and friendly.]

You feel a very warm, blanket-like fur wrap around your head, and you just hear,

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Excited whistling.]

Hallie

Hopper would go like, [Startled noise.] And then recoil a little bit and then realize it was Chitters and then like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Pleasantly surprised.] Oh hey, hey Chitters!

Kyle

Chitters responds to its name and just sits down and goes in for another hug. But his arm is still above your eyes and you just hear,

Kyle (as Sera)

Chitters. Chitters!

Hallie

Hopper's like, not trying to push Chitters off because he doesn't want Chitters to think that he's mean, but he's trying to like, get Chitters in a position that isn't suffocating him.

[The music fades.]

So he's just gently trying to extricate, and he'll also go shh, shh,shh, because Jesse's asleep, and he doesn't want Jesse to be woken up.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Chitters. Chitters! Come on. Come on.

Kyle

And Chitters, uh, immediately sits up, scurries down across the table, and then hops onto the arm and up onto the shoulder of that woman, Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry.

Hallie

Willow Delilah.

Kyle

What?

Hallie

[More firmly.] Willow Delilah.

Kyle

Did I get the wrong order? I'm gonna call her Sera. It goes on Sera's shoulder, and Soe then says,

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh! There, there he is!

Kyle

And points to you.

Hallie

Hopper does that thing where he looks both ways to like, make sure they mean him, and then points at himself and gives them a puzzled look.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Me?

Kyle

Sera just turns over to Soe and says.

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, thanks so much, Soe. I gotta—I'll go talk to him. Can you just get me that, uh, that book about the two, the like, kiss and the dark lord and stuff like that?

Tom

[Faintly, amused.] Kiss.

Kyle

And Soe perks up and uh, and scuttles off. And Sera turns over and says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, yeah, you. Uh, do you...you remember me?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah. Uh, Sera, right?

Kyle (as Sera)

Uh, yeah, cool. Uh. Listen, so uh, last night you said that I could reach out to you if I ever needed any help, right?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah!

Kyle (as Sera)

Great. Great! Cool. Cool. 'cause I, uh, I need help.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, with what? Is something wrong with the engine again?

Kyle (as Sera)

[Quickly.] Uh, no, no, no, no the engine's...uh.

Kyle

You can see that she's trying very politely to say, I wouldn't ask you for help with the engine.

[Laughter from the party.]

She's like,

Kyle (as Sera)

No, I, uh. Actually, there's um, there's this trivia thing going on tonight? And I just, I, I kind of need someone who...I don't know, I don't know how to say this politely. [Her voice trails up at the end as she sheepishly asks.] Um, has an unhealthy amount of knowledge on things that don't matter?

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Dryly.] Someone who knows trivia is what you're saying. You want someone who knows trivia?

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah. No. Yeah! No, that's, uh, yeah, that's exactly what I mean. So, um, they've got this trivia thing tonight and I'm, okay. I'm not saying I forgot. I'm not saying I forgot! But it may or may not be my mom's anniversary of when she became a professor tomorrow. It's kind of a big deal. It's almost like, you know, a birthday, because it also is her birthday.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.]

Kyle (as Sera)

And I'm not saying I forgot to get her something? But, um.

[00:10:00]

I didn't remember. And so I really need to get a gift and the ending machine is giving out anything that you want to the winners of trivia tonight. So, if, if you weren't, you know, too busy. I...was wondering if you could just help me out with that.

Hallie

Hopper glances back at Everett and Jesse and then to Everett will say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hey, Everett. I mean, I know that you would do this anyway, but just make sure Jesse gets back to their room. All right, okay?

Kyle

[Three seconds of silence.]

That's as much of a response as you get.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay. Great.

Hallie

[Laughing slightly.] Is what Hopper says, in response to nothing. And then he will say, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, I'll give, I'll give trivia a try.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Brightly.] Cool! I'll, uh, I'll see you then.

Kyle

[Gentle smooth jazz music begins to play — the kind you would hear in an elevator.]

And she heads out. After a little bit, everyone comes for dinner. You all meet up next to these two semi-conscious children. Soe and Meeghan go and they get their own table. Um, two things of note happen during this dinner. The first thing that happens is you all meet up and you discuss the clues that you've assembled. And one of the big things you run across is that invite that Misha got for Nano Fight Club, which is happening this evening and coincidentally happening right after trivia ends.

You all talk a little bit and you decide that this is kind of the best lead to pursue. So you all agree that you're going to meet up at the courtyard when Nano Fight Club begins. The other thing that happens...I'm going to have Emily lead the charge, this is actually something she mentioned to me.

Emily

Okay, I am gonna go over to where Soe and Meeghan are.

[The music fades.]

Kyle

Okay. And as you do, you start to hear the conversation that they're saying. And you hear Meeghan saying,

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[A tuba note introduces the same slightly suspicious, maraca-backed heist music that played while Soe was checking out books to Hopper. It's punctuated by tuba notes throughout this time.]

Um, uh, a puzzle box?

Kyle (as Soe)

I already thought about that, but that's what Aneen 75 is doing.

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

Uh, what about a puzzle sphere?

Kyle (as Sera)

Um, well, I guess a puzzle sphere would be pretty good but it doesn't feel like quite...

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[Crosstalking.] What about, what about, uh, a puzzle egg, and you could put something in, you could put one of your books in it!

Kyle

And Soe just looks at Meeghan and goes,

Kyle (as Soe)

[Excitedly.] Ohhhh!

Kyle

And they do this weird secret high-five handshake that they've figured out.

Emily

Ohhh!

Kyle

As Soe fiercely scribbles an idea into her notepad.

Emily

[Strained.] Kyle, Meeghan can't be Ezra. Soe's gonna be devastated! I know, Tom. I know. [She sighs.]

Okay. Um.

Kyle

So do you walk up to her now?

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

All right. You make your way over, and Soe immediately turns to you and lights up.

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, hey Mom. I could actually use some of your help right now! Uh, Meeghan and I are coming up with gift ideas, because you see, I just found out that my professor's birthday is tomorrow, and I want to get her a really special gift!

Emily (as Elee)

[Too enthusiastically and clearly uncomfortable.] Oh, your professor...is...has birth. A day of...was born.

Kyle (as Soe)

[Slightly confused by Elee's response.] Well, yeah, at least that's what I was told birthdays are all about? So I was thinking of getting her, like, a puzzle egg. So puzzle she has to figure out, and then inside I could put a book...uh...a book of...

Kyle

And Meeghan pipes in,

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[Gleefully.] Of puzzles!

Kyle (as Soe)

[Brightly.] Yeah, a book of puzzles!

Emily (as Elee)

[Faintly.] I bet your professor would love that. I think that something that's gonna be really important to your professor, and that she's going to be able to see, is how much thought you put into it.

Kyle (as Soe)

[Very faintly.] Ohh.

Kyle

She blushes.

Emily (as Elee)

Um, I was actually wondering could I...could I just talk to you for a minute, Soe?

Kyle (as Soe)

Yeah, what's up?

Emily (as Elee)

[A brief pause.] Like in, maybe in private? I'm really sorry Meeghan.

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[Still chipper.] Oh, no, that's all right. I'll make sure I can't hear!

Kyle

And she whips out her tuba out of nowhere.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And starts playing. [Kyle makes tuba sounds.] Except you can't hear it because she has a plug on the top...

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

That leads to two earphones that go into her ears. So she's just playing the sound of a tuba into her ears. Her fish ears.

Emily (as Elee)

Um, Soe. I don't know if you've noticed that I was maybe a little bit weird around your Professor.

Kyle (as Sera)

Uh, no? I mean you were as weird as you are around everybody else.

Emily (as Elee)

[Awkwardly.] Oh.

[Laughter from the party.]

Um, and, y'...you know that really nice girl that you met that your professor introduced you to?

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, her name's her name's Seraphinia...

Kyle

Fuck. Let me pull it up.

Tom

[Dryly.] Do we need to go back to Hallie?

Emily

[Coyly.] Maybe we should just ask Hallie.

Tom

Hallie can tell us.

Kyle (as Soe)

Her name's Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry. Oh, and there's a princess in front of that because...[Whispering.] She's a princess too!

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah. Soe, the thing is I...I know, you know that I'm old, Soe?

[Gentle guitar music begins to play. It has a melancholy piano melody. Elee talks slowly, trying to pick her words carefully.]

Like, I've lived a lot of years

[00:15:00]

and I've done a lot of things and I've met a lot of people, and I happened to meet them. And at one point I liked your professor very much.

Kyle

And at that point it takes Soe...give me a second to roll. [Dice roll.] It takes Soe a very long time to figure it out, because I rolled a two.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

She just sits there. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. And then assuming you don't say anything...

Emily

Elee's just frozen in fear, like, waiting awkwardly.

Kyle

Actually, no. I'm gonna punish you for my bad rolls. You need—you gotta say it. You gotta say it.

Emily (as Elee)

[Very delicately.] Soe, your...your father was not the only person that I have been close to.

Kyle

And suddenly, with a spark of realization, Soe's hair shoots up and out in every direction, and then it takes the shape of a star, like the starry eyes she has as she slaps her hands to her cheeks and just goes,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Gasps.] I have a sister!

[Abrupt, wooshing scene change noise.]

Kyle

All right. So Hop, you're making your way...

[Faint laughter.] You're making your way through the creepy crawly third deck to the engine room.

Tom

[Coyly.] Did you dress up nice for your date?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily

[More earnestly.] Oh, yeah, did you dress up?

Kyle

[Smugly.] Did you dress up nice?

Hallie

[Flatly.] No.

Tom

Where are you going to take her after trivia?

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

[Through laughter.] Probably Nano Fight Club, I guess. The most romantic of all locations.

Emily

Back to the bottom bunk of your room with Vespari. [Laughter.]

Hallie

No, Hopper absolutely doesn't consider this a date. He considers this a desperate, I need a partner for a thing.

Ari

Which makes sense. It would kind of be awkward if he considered it a date honestly.

Tom

That's...

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Yeah.

Tom

Actually true. That's true.

Hallie

It doesn't occur to him that it would be a nice event either, and is just, is wearing his normal clothes, not his hat. I just want to make it very clear Hopper doesn't consider this a date.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Anyways, so as you make your way to the Prodigious...you're on the Prodigious.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

As you make your way to the engine room, you hear cursing, but it's not Sera's cursing.

[Garry Goldstone's muffled voice can be heard faintly in the background.]

Instead, you hear a crackling voice say,

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

[Bagpipe music begins to play.] And that's only the third of the horrible heinous books that Hopper Scotch stole!

Hallie

[Faintly.] Noo.

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

And now that he's back on the Prodigious, wearing those dreadfully disgustingly disguised clothes, don't let his normal regular shades of brown fool you, that man is a colorful menace! And he should never be trusted, because he knows virtually everything!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

That makes him so dangerous.

Hallie

[The music fades.]

[Bemused.] Hopper's just making like, a what? face outside the room. He's never been accused of knowing virtually everything, and is just flabbergasted that this man from ten fucking years ago is still like, Hopper Scotch! Like, he doesn't understand. Also he looks down at like, his, his, because he insulted his outfit, Goldstone insulted Hopper's outfit, Hop is going to look down because these are his nice clothes! Because these are his social clothes that give him a bonus to social interactions. This is his steampunk princess outfit.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Indignant.] Goldstone can't just insult his steampunk princess outfit which has a specific mechanic for staying clean!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

So Hopper will like kind of trudge around the side of the door, and then just lead in the doorway and watch who this tirade is at. He assumes Sera.

Kyle

So you turn over and you see the corner. You see that Goldstone isn't there, and instead you see on Sera's desk this little sepia-toned globe spinning around. And then Sera turns and she looks at you, and she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, hey, great to see you. I just, let me quickly wrap up.

Kyle

And she rolls over and she picks up the top of the globe, kind of like how you pick off the pin of um...of a...

Tom

[Suspiciously.] Of a grenade?

Kyle

No! Of like, a sound, the sound thing that goes around.

Tom

Oh! The needle!

Kyle

Of a record.

Tom

[Incredulous.] Who calls it a pin!

Kyle

I don't know! And the, uh, the globe goes silent.

Kyle (as Sera)

Sorry about that, was just, uh, listening to the latest episode of the Goldstone Globe.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh. Professor Goldstone has a...uh, a show.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Laughter.] It's a riot.

Kyle

Anyway, she, she comes on over and says,

Kyle (as Sera)

All right. Chitters!

Kyle

And you just hear,

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Cheerful whistling.]

Kyle

As Chitters just pops out from behind the sphere that is the engine, and she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Hey, you, are you good to cover the engine the rest of the night?

Kyle

And Chitters just goes,

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Confident whistling.]

Kyle

And sticks out one of his arms and gives a thumbs up.

Hallie

Hopper looks briefly alarmed.