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  • Writer's pictureQuest Friends!

The Cookie Crew, Part 2

Updated: Apr 29, 2019

The crew takes a break from driving in the most literal way possible.

Listen as they:

CONSUME a pirate's knuckle sandwich!

LOCK OUT unwelcome guests!

DOUBLE the trouble!

TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version):

Previously on Quest Friends: The Cookie Crew...

[Opening theme, “Great Fun” by Antarctic, begins.]

Olivia (as Hannelore) That's my car over there. If something happens to her, you personally will be held responsible.

No food, no dirty shoes, no fire.

Cassidy (as Eraf) Very fair rules.

Hallie (as Madeline) I know Anastasia is trying to handle things in like a different way...

I know that normally your specialty is extracting information, but I think that you'll be able to twist that around to sell cookies.

Olivia (as Hannelore) Sticking pipettes in people's heads and pulling out knowledge. Very intrusive.

Emily (as Ig) Wait, is that why we’re here?

Hallie (as Madeline) This might be going a little, a little, a little much. Are you guys, are you guys sure you guys are up to the task?

Olivia (as Hannelore) Of driving cookies?

Hallie (as Madeline) Yeah.

Olivia (as Hannelore) Uh huh. Yeah. I've never been more sure.

[Opening theme intensifies.]

Olivia I have a curiosity. Olivia does. What does everybody look like?

Hallie That’s right; I never gave you, like, a chance to like describe your characters because I was like super excited to get into the game. So if you want to take a moment to describe all your characters while they're eating dinner, that sounds like a good thing to do.

Olivia I, I could start. Hannelore’s really tall. She's got, her hair's cut really short because getting, long hair on a mechanic, it doesn't work. That's no good. So it's very short, uh, it's held back with like a bandana headband. She's very tall and “she's tall, dark and gorgeous” is what I wrote down on my own thing. Since I get to choose, I get to decide. She's wearing coveralls and uh, she's zipping them up cause it's getting a little chilly.

Cassidy Alright. I can go next. Uh, Eraf is just a little shorter than average. She's kind of dressed in a casual uh, uniform, you know, not necessarily the best she has, but you know, um, so that she still looks professional, and she has her cloak, which is basically like a Doctor Strange cloak and it only billows when it's indoors, so right now even if there's wind going on, it's just like perfectly still. And then she's got sort of shoulder length, silver-ish, straight hair, basically not complicated at all, stuff she doesn't really have to worry about and sort of golden eyes and a pleasant face.

Olivia What's up? What's good with you, Ig?

Emily Ig is, kind of a reedy, unremarkable figure. But she’s--she's ridiculously tangled hair. She's not taking care of it. She like stores stuff into it.

Cassidy and Olivia



It's fine. If she finds a shiny rock, it goes in the hair--

Cassidy, Olivia and Hallie



--until it falls out, feathers, sticks straight up. Um, so her hair is like her jewelry box and also hoard. Yeah. But visually unremarkable, which she combats consciously by making all her movements way too exaggerated.

Hallie I’m glad you all got to describe yourselves because I already knew what you all looked like, so I just forgot that listeners wouldn’t. Okay. So you're eating and then cleanup and turn in. Is there anything else anyone wants to do?

Olivia Uh, I'm going to check on, uh, Red Mary, see how her engine’s looking.

Hallie It's looking good.

Olivia Great. Alright. Uh, Olivia doesn't know much about cars, but Hannelore does…

Hallie Just make it all up.

[Lively, circus-esque music begins to play.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh, okay. So here's the, the double mutterer. Uh, it's very important to keep, uh--




She pulls the top off of a certain pipe. It doesn't look like it. I guess it doesn't look, the engine doesn't look like a modern engine, so it's fine. It's like, it's like, it's very Dr Seuss.




So she opens up one pipe that looks a little bit like one of those party crackers, opens it up and there's a large silver coin.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

--this is very important for the double mutterer. It maintains the balance of the HQ.


Okay. I pop the trunk, I pop the hood back down.

Olivia (as Hannelore) Uh, alrightly, so there are, three people can sleep inside of the van. I have a uh, a cot I can roll up if y'all want to sleep inside.

Hallie Madeline will take the cot.

Emily (as Ig) Does anyone like to cuddle?

Hallie (as Madeline) Ehh, hard pass.

Emily and Hallie


Olivia Hannelore is going to explain to you guys how to unroll the bed inside of the, it's, the bed sleeps two and then the front step, the front chairs, one of them spins around so you can sit and then kind of recline. So, somebody’s bunking together.



Cassidy I can be a heavy sleeper. It's not a problem.

Hallie Alright, so just so I'm clear, Eraf and Ig are taking like the back double?



Olivia Yeah, it's like a double, large double,

Hallie Like a couch that folds out into a double bed is, like a car seats?

Olivia Right.

Hallie Okay.

Cassidy Eraf has, like a sleeping bag too that she's going to roll out, to, to like her own comforter covers and things.

Emily (as Ig) I'm so sorry. Sometimes I kick, but mostly I just cuddle in my sleep.

Olivia Where’s like blankets and stuff. They're just heavy. Uh, everything is functional, but not necessarily cozy.

Cassidy Is it nice outside? Nice starry night?


Hallie Yeah. You've all got like bed rolls and stuff too, so you can supplement anything.

Olivia What's this area like?

Hallie Uh, yeah, it's nice. It's not raining or anything. Uh, you have camped by like, you're by the coast. You're not like directly next to the lake. Like you're not close enough that it would be dangerous, but you're next to the bay.

[Calm and soothing but upbeat music plays.]

So the water is, um, if you're facing the road towards the Empire, the water's going to be on your right and then there's going to be a forest and you're left. It's not super thick unless you were to go more than like 30 feet in.

Olivia Innit that funny, that's just how I was picturing it.

Hallie Oh, perfect. Yeah. So you've got water on one side of you, pretty close. And then forest on the other side.

Olivia What's the cardinal directions? I imagine we're going north.

Hallie Uh, you are going-

Cassidy Is the path on the ocean side or the forest side? Like the, the road.

Hallie Yes, you're correct. You are going south, oh that’s right you’re going to Pike’s Head which is directly south, I forgot you’re not going to the Empire itself. Pike’s Head is directly south of Gladys. Hannelore, are you taking the recliner seat?

Olivia No, uh, Madeline can sit in that. Uh, uh, Madeline, is that it? We have been driving for hours I just haven't cared to learn.




Uh, Madeline can sit in that. Uh, and I have a little, a little low cot that I'm going to set up underneath the tent thing.

Hallie Okay. Um, before you all turn in, um, Madeline is going to approach Hannelore, uh, and say,

Hallie (as Madeline) Hey, um, the Red Mary doesn't have anywhere to like store things safely, does it?

Olivia (as Hannelore) Uhhhh…

Hallie (as Madeline) Life a safe?

Olivia (as Hannelore) The glove compartment is uh, bullet, laser and diamond proof.

Hallie (as Madeline) Okay, perfect.

Hallie Uh, and then she'll take out the like non-aggression pact that she wrote. It's in like a very fancy envelope.

Olivia Okay. I'm going to stuff it very carelessly into the glovebox.



Hallie (as Madeline)


Hallie When you do that she’ll go

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Distressed.] Aah!


Like Damien in Mean Girls. Like,

Hallie (as Madeline) Okay. Alright. It's fine. It’s fine.

Olivia (as Hannelore) Oh, I found a map. Oh, isn't that fun?



Olivia (as Hannelore)

We’ll look at that later. Sorry. I didn’t know I had that in my book. Okay. Yeah, there's like a bunch of napkins and stuff in there too, so I'll just kind of shove those aside.

Hallie [Laughter.] That's fine.

Olivia And, uh, pop it shut. And uh, the key function of the Red Mary is sort of embedded in Hannelore’s palm.

Hallie Okay.

Olivia So, uh, she locks and unlocks it herself.

Hallie Okay, perfect. So if no one has anything else they want to do, everyone's going to turn in?

Cassidy Yeah, I'm good to. For now.

Olivia I imagine Ig sleeps hot. Like, yeah, she’s just--

Cassidy She just like radiates heat.

Olivia Like yeah, she’s going to be like sweating and uncomfortable.

Hallie [Laughing] Like no one likes to sleep with Ig.

Olivia She’s like a tiny little, like a little firebox.

Emily Yes. Yes.

Olivia I'm listening to the sounds of the sea and the night.

Hallie Yeah. It's really nice. Like the ambient noise. [Ocean waves sound.] Like, Ancuan’s just a nice place.

Cassidy It’s very peaceful. [Makes ocean “whoosh” noises.]


[Hoots like an owl.]


[Makes seagull and wolf noises.]

Hallie You do hear one more sound at about-

Cassidy Oh dear.

Hallie --three AM. And that is just a giant [A loud bang on metal.] thump on the side of the Red Mary.

Hallie (as Madeline) [Surprised shout.]

Hallie Madeline is startled awake. I'm going to say it startles all of you awake. It was very hard. The van is fine. It's not tipped over. But it was a hard hit.

Cassidy I will jump out of bed and get to the door as quickly as possible.

Hallie Okay. Uh, Madeline is also doing that. Just going to run over there.

[Classic adventuring pirate music plays.]

Hallie Uh, so as you all get outside, there is a ship pulled up alongside the coast and it is flying a flag you would recognize as an Ancuan pirate flag. Um, there are three women standing aboard the boat. The one on the far right has like a pink pixie cut and her hand is blowing blue. Uh, the one in the middle has a blonde ponytail and she has eye makeup, like raccoon eye makeup, on her eyes and she is leaning casually on a club. And then the third one, on the left, is dressed mostly in yellow and she has dark brown hair that's in like a side pony. The one on the right with the pink hair,

Hallie (as Poppy) Well will ya look at this, girls! A fully loaded caravan guarded only by few hapless travelers, let's make their load lighter, huh? I’m Poppy.

Hallie The middle one will say,

Hallie (as Susan) I'm Susan.

Hallie And the one on the far left says,

Hallie (as Jonquil) And I'm Jonqui,l and together we’re--

Hallie (as Jonquil, Susan, and Poppy)


Cassidy Oh my gosh, [Laughter.] I'm getting like a Powerpuff Girls vibe.



Hallie Good! That’s what I designed this after! And then Madeline will point out,

Hallie (as Madeline) PB&J? But the middle one was named Susan.

Cassidy and Emily


Hallie Poppy and Jonquil throw up their hands and groan, and they'll both say simultaneously,

Hallie (as Poppy and Jonquil) God, Susan, you ruined it again! Every damn time!

Hallie And Susan will say,

[Pirate music ends.]

Hallie (as Susan) Oh my god, I’m sorry, I'm sorry. It's Black-Eyed Susan.

Hallie And she gestures to her eye makeup.

Hallie (as Susan) It's Black-Eyed Susan uugh, Black Eyed Susan and together, PB&J.

Hallie And Poppy and Jonquil are still like,

Hallie (as Poppy and Jonquil)



Groaning and Susan's going to say,

Hallie (as Susan) I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't named after a fucking flower. Anyway, we're here to steal your shit.

Emily I love her. [Laughter.]

Hallie These are my favorite NPCs.




Hallie Um, so with that you will notice, I'm just going to say now that they have made their grand entrance, that there is like an icicle poking out of the Red Mary.

Cassidy [Gasps] Oh no.

Olivia The what?!

Hallie There's like an icicle poking out of the Red Mary.



Olivia [Makes a loud half-shrieking noise of shock, despair and annoyance.]

Cassidy I'm just going to try to stand in front, so Hannelore can't see it [Laughter.] and, um…

Olivia [Deep exhale.] I can sense it in my body.



Hallie I mean, it's like pretty--it’s up there, like it's high. She aimed high.

Olivia Is everyone out of the van?

Hallie Yes. Everyone's out in the van standing there.

Olivia I'm, I'm shutting the doors and [Makes clicking noise.] it’s locked.

Hallie And then before, um, Poppy, can fire a second icicle, Madeline will say,

Hallie (as Madeline) Wait, you woke us up? Before stealing our stuff?

Hallie And Poppy will say,

Hallie (as Poppy) We like to be honorable about it.

Olivia (as Hannelore) This isn’t honorable, you’re, you're hurting my van!

Olivia I'm trying to pull, I'm going to try to pull the icicle out.

Hallie Okay. Uh, do you want to roll for that? That's going to be a might roll.

[Dice rolling.]

Olivia Might- [Despairing laugh.] I got a natural one.

Emily and Hallie


Hallie [Laughter.] So, like, not only, so you go to move it, but it's ice, so you just slip off of it immediately.

Olivia It's so cold, ow. I fall and, and drive it for the spike further into the body of my-



Olivia (as Hannelore) Oh my God, no!

[Lively hard rock music begins for combat.]

Hallie Uh, while you're doing that, uh, Madeline will pop out her shoes again, which she wore to bed because she is who she is. And then say,

Hallie (as Madeline) Bring it on!

Olivia (as Hannelore) You wore your shoes? She wore her shoes-- it's not important. We'll talk about it later.

Hallie Susan goes,

Hallie (as Susan) Hold up. I knew you looked familiar. Jonquil, Jonquil, isn’t this that upstart rolly derber, roller derby-er who beat you at the Derby in Caprin?

Hallie Jonquil’s eyes will widen.

Hallie (as Jonquil) Murderline.

Hallie Madeline’s eyes will narrow.

Hallie (as Madeline) Jonkill.



Hallie And Jonquil will say,

Hallie (as Jonquil) I knew I'd run into you again someday. This time I'm not going down.

Hallie And before anything else happens I need you all to roll initiative.

Olivia Get out of here, Ellie.

Emily Also, any initiative tasks are one step harder for me. So that's a thing.

Hallie Yup, sure are.

Cassidy Why?

Olivia Uh, I got a 17.

Emily I got a 7.

Cassidy I got an 11. It’s just straight, a D20, right?

Hallie Yeah, just straight D20. And none of you have bonuses or anything except for Ig who has...the opposite of a bonus.

Olivia A handicap.

Hallie A take-away.

Emily Yes, I do.

Hallie Alright. Hannelore’s got a 17, uh, Cassidy you got, uh, an 11? Okay. And then-

Emily I got a 7.

Hallie You got a 7.

Emily Without my inability.

[Dice rolling.]

Hallie Okay. Uh, Ig, I'm ruling that you, you're going to go last.

Emily Okey.

Hallie There are reasons for this. Okay, so Hannelore, you are up first.


Okay. Uh, Hannelore has uh, a large, like a big wrench, uh, strapped to her side. She is in her pj's but it was, I'm going to, I'm going to say that it was underneath the cots. So the, it's like a big wrench. It'll function as a club. She's going to go up to Poppy and just swing and batter up right for the chest.

Hallie Okay. Uh, roll an attack for me, which is also just a D20.

Olivia Uh, that's 7. I'm, I'm using, I'm mighty though. I have a 14 might, does that help?

Hallie It does not. But you can, as a reminder, take effort to lower the difficulty of tasks.

Olivia I'd like to do that then. I'm very serious about smacking her in the chest.

Hallie Okay. You want to add one tier to hit and you rolled a seven that is still not enough. So, with a mighty swing, Poppy is just going to like, like put ice in front of her and then move on the ice away from your wrench, so that she moves a little bit quicker than normal.

Olivia (as Hannelore) [Enraged yell.]

Hallie Uh, and Poppy is in fact up next. So she is going to fire an icicle at you. Uh, roll for defense.

Olivia Nine.

Hallie Nine? Okay. Yeah, that'll work. Uh, she's next to the Red Mary right now, so she's going to fire the icicle at you. It will just barely, like, graze your sleeve, but she will fire off back into the ocean and just hang out there. Susan is up next. Susan has stayed on the boat and she is going to like flip her club up so that the narrow part is aiming at you, but her club is also a gun, and she’s just going to fire her club gun from the ship and she is going to fire it at... Well seeing that, uh, Poppy's got Hannelore covered she's going to fire it at…

Cassidy Don't you dare.

[Short pause.]

Hallie Eraf.

Cassidy and Hallie


Hallie I'm daring. So you've got to roll a defense.

Cassidy D20, right?


A seven?

Cassidy Yeah.



Cassidy Oh yeah.

Hallie Alright. Um, her bullets are like tiny flowers. They look like daisies.

Cassidy [Laughter.] Oh gosh.

Hallie Um, so like this spinning daisy [Laughter.] is going to come out of her club gun and it will hit you. It’ll hit your shoulder, but it's not like a bullet that's going to stay there now. It'll like hit and then dissolve into like daisy dust.

Cassidy Oh dear.

Hallie Uh, but that is going to be 3 points of damage--

Cassidy Gotcha.

Hallie --to your might pool. Okay. Who is up next? Oh, Madeline’s up next.

Cassidy (as Eraf) Get em, Madeline.


Hallie Madeline has her little heelies out. She is going to go after Jonquil, who is coming from the side. Um, she's going to skate up to the Red Mary and then use it parkour style to like turn around really quickly.

Cassidy Oooh……. Oh dear….



Hallie To gather speed and momentum, so that she will try to nail Jonquil.

Olivia Alright, I have to do some therapy sessions for Hannelore.

Hallie In the face. Jonquil... Oh, it works. Jonquil is down. Jonquil goes next, though, so she's going to pop back up and then do like a cartwheel, uh, over Madeline. Uh, she'll take a jab but she'll be, she will…

[Dice rolling.]

Miss. And now we have Ig.

Emily Um…

Cassidy Ig’s going next?

Hallie Ig is last.

Cassidy When am I going? [Laughter.]

Hallie Hah! You went before Madeline and Jonquil. There, just pretend that happened.

Cassidy I would like to use my onslaughts attack, uh, mind slice.

Hallie On who?

Cassidy Susan.

Hallie Susan, okay.

Cassidy Says it inflicts two points of intellect damage. Alright, yup. And I am going to attack her insecurities about her name and failure to -

Hallie Wow!


[Shocked gasps.]

Cassidy - failure to properly -

Olivia Let's get right to the heart of the matter, y'all.

Cassidy Yup.

Olivia Whoa.

Cassidy Cause clearly that's very important to her.



Emily Stone cold!

Hallie Uhhh, roll for me to see how that affects her.

Cassidy Oh, okay.

Olivia I'm into it.

Hallie This is just for me to decide how she's going to take it.

Cassidy Just to a D20, okay. Oh Gosh. It's a four.

Hallie It’s a four? Okay. Um…

Cassidy I'm not very good at insults, I guess.

Hallie As you're insulting - [Laughter.]

Olivia It's your first day out.

Hallie As you're insulting Susan for her inability to remember the nickname that she forced upon herself, um.

Cassidy Does it just make her more angry? [Laughter.]

Hallie Yes, exactly. She’s going to get more angry.

Cassidy Dangit.

Hallie So she is going to re-cock her club gun. The cock sounds distinctly louder than the first time. Alright. So now we are down to Ig.

Cassidy But I still got the damage in, heh heh. So who's winning now?

Emily Still them.

Olivia It remains to be seen.

Hallie We'll see how it goes.

Emily Okay. So Susan's still on the boat.

Hallie Susan is still in the boat. Jonquil and Poppy are like on either side. Like if you and Hannelore and Eraf are in the middle there.

Emily Yeah.

Hallie They’re on either side of the Red Mary.

Emily Um… because I knew what I wanna do. Yeah, no, I'm just going to do it. Um... [Laughter.] because there's something I could do that would eliminate potential consequences.

Hallie Okay….

Emily But, um, can I spray my flame retardant and use my Shroud of Flame?

Hallie At the same time?

Emily Y-yes?

Hallie Yes. But successfully doing your shroud ability is going- What are you spraying the thing on?

Emily I just, you know, it's great. That's just me as a player. Ig wouldn't care. I would like to use my Shroud of Flame ability, which, um, costs one INT and I light fire for 10 minutes and I get plus two armor and I give enemies plus 2 damage. If I do it successfully.

Hallie Okay. Um, do you want to move anywhere? Cause I, that's an action. So you can't do an attack, but you could move somewhere else if you wanted to.

Emily Um, mostly I just wanted to say something to them.

Hallie Yeah, you can do that.

Emily I would like to say,

Emily (as Ig) I know that you said when you arrived that we were just hapless travelers in this van, but I think what you didn't realize was that we were warriors, and fierce ones at that. I think you might want to rethink attacking us.



Emily And then I want to use my Shroud of Flame..

Hallie Alright. You do it. I'll have them respond to when they get back to, uh, Poppy’s turn.

Emily Well, well, um, don't I have to roll for it?

Hallie Your Shroud of Flame?

Emily Yeah.

Hallie Uh, no that's like your focus ability. So I'm going to rule, you can just do that.

Emily Oh, cool!

Hallie But it costs intellect, right, to be able to do it?

Emily Yeah.

Hallie Okay.

Emily Oh, awesome. Well I don't have to roll for it then. I don't have to worry about it succeeding.

Cassidy Woooo!


No, you’re good.

Emily I start my self on fire!

Hallie Excellent. Alright, so now we are back to Hannelore.

Olivia Okay. I'm gonna try to hit Poppy again.

Hallie Okay.

Olivia 10!

Hallie 10? 10 will... just about get her, but Poppy’s pretty fast on that ice, uh, in addition, Poppy is very interested that Ig has just lighted herself on fire and Poppy will like--

Cassidy Understandable.

Hallie --ice on closer to her and be like,

Hallie (as Poppy) Oh honey, I welcome the challenge.

Hallie And then she's gonna fire - it's not an icicle blast this time it's like a water bending blast at Ig’s, like, Shroud of Flame. So Ig, roll a defense for me, and you get +2 defense.

Emily Yeah. I also just want to clarify that when she does that I say,

Emily (as Ig) Oh cool!



Emily Yes! 19.

Hallie 19?




Yeah. Okay, so the water will actually just like evaporate from the sheer heat of your flames--


Holy cow.


--before it can even douse them, and Poppy looks very impressed. Then we're back to Susan who is like pissed,



Hallie Because Eraf mentally insulted her. So she was angry, confused, she just cocked her gun. It's very, very, it's distinctly louder, and she is going to fire it straight at Eraf.



[Distressed noise.]


So Eraf, roll defense for me.

Cassidy Defence was a… natural 1.



Olivia Now we’re doing, we’re off to a great start.

Olivia We just woke up, you know.

Cassidy I just woke up. I’m not used to this sort of combat.

Hallie [Laughter.] Alright. This one is going to nail you straight in the stomach and it is going to, like, be so forceful that it will push you back so that you hit the Red Mary.

Cassidy Oh no.

Hallie Uh, for an additional 2 points of damage.

Cassidy (as Eraf)


Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Pained noise.]

Cassidy Oh, so 2 more in the Might… and I’m just going to groan.

Cassidy (as Eraf) [Groans.] I’m sorry, Hannelore. [Coughs.]

Hallie Alright. It is your turn now. I didn't forget this round.

Cassidy My buzzer, which is like a little wrist launcher that launches like flying, spinning blades.

Emily Like Hop’s?

Hallie Yeah, like Hop’s.


Oh, cool!


Mine- looks different but the buzzer discs are the same.

Emily Yeah.

Cassidy Yeah. It’s whatever's listed.

Hallie I was excited when you showed us that. I was like, “Yay!”

Cassidy [Laughter.] It's a fun one. And it seems very Eraf-y

Hallie One of my favorite weapons!

Cassidy And go ahead and shoot off a couple of more at Susan.

Hallie Okay.

Cassidy Well this time I got a 17. [Laughter.] So that’s feeling a lot better now.

Hallie A 17? Wow.

Olivia Now we’re cookin’.

Hallie Yeah. Your a buzzer disk will hit and that will cause how much damage is the buzz--? Is it about 2 points? 2 points of damage on...

Cassidy Susan.

Hallie Susan.

Cassidy This is just regular, not intellect damage.

Hallie Yeah. This is just like, physical damage.

Cassidy Yeah, because the mind, the Mind Slice one was intellect.

Hallie Poor Susan.


Eh, she’s fine.


She tries so hard. She did special makeup. And now she's being picked on.

Cassidy She's just the Achilles heel of of the group and that’s Eraf is good at poking it.

Hallie Wooow.

Cassidy She'll be fine.

Olivia A house divided against itself.

Hallie Alright. Speaking of...Achilles HEELIES--

Cassidy, Olivia and Emily

[Various “oh gods” and groaning.]

Hallie Madeline is up and she still skating.

Olivia and Hallie


Hallie Um, she's actually going to start skating. She's gonna ignore Jonquil and start skating toward the ship.

Cassidy Oohh.

Hallie Uhh... She's going to go after Susan, to get -

Cassidy [Chanting.] Sink it, s - oh. Okay.




That works too.

Hallie - that nuisance out of the way she's not feeling it right now. She’s got her heelies and basically nothing else. Um, but her heelies are cool, so she is going to jump onto the ship and do like a kicking arc. And then as she does that, um, a small bolt of electricity will come out of her like her heely shoe and she's aiming for Susan's face.




[Dice rolling.]

Uh, she doesn't hit Susan's face. She -

Cassidy Yeah, that would hurt.

Hallie - will like arc over her, but she is on the ship now. And then Jonquil is up. Jonquil is going to do a cartwheel and head towards Eraf.

Cassidy What did I do?

Olivia [Laughter.] That’s so fancy.

Hallie I know she's, she's just flipping everywhere.

Olivia Everyone's so lithe, and Hannelore is just trying to club people with her fucking wrench.

Hallie She's very lithe.

Cassidy And I'm just going to...dehhh...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Heavy sigh.]


Roll defense.

Hallie Alright. So she is attempting, yes, she's attempting to jab you.

Cassidy Blaaaah!

Hallie She doesn’t have a weapon, just her hands.

Cassidy I got a 6.

Hallie You got a 6? Alright. She will. So you're like slumped against the Red Mary cause you just got hit in the stomach with Susan's daisy bullet.

Cassidy Yeah.

Hallie Uh, and she is going to jab you in the legs.


[Sad and quiet.] Ow…


Like she's gonna hit one leg and then cartwheel over you and then hit the other leg.

Cassidy Yeah. Okay.

Hallie And you feel like standing up would be more difficult if you were to try. They feel very jelly-like.

Cassidy Oh jeez. Alright.

Hallie Uh, and we are back to Ig.

Emily Um… Okay, so Eraf is on the ship?

Cassidy No.

Hallie No. Madeline is on the ship.

Emily Okay.

Olivia But Eraf just got attacked.

Cassidy Yeah, I’m just -

Hallie And she got shot.

Olivia - and shot.

Hallie She's slumped against the, against the van.

Emily Oh, against the van. Okay. Ummm... I should probs go, like, make sure you don't get shot again.

Cassidy I’m fine.

Emily Again.

Cassidy I mean, I could roll under van if I really need to.



Olivia There’s the clearance for that, it’s fine.

Hallie and Cassidy


Emily I wanna roll her under the van. No. Um, I'd like to go over and, um...

Cassidy You're also on fire still.

Emily Yeah, I am on fire!

Hallie You're also on fire, and Poppy is like a threat, like a threatening presence. She's still next to you.

Emily So Poppy's the one with the magic that I fought.

Hallie Yes. Poppy is like the water nano.

Emily Yeah. I would like to take out my baton and point it at Poppy and say,

[Upbeat, cheerful, slightly derpy music plays.]

Emily (as Ig)

Nano to nano, you don't want me to use this.



Olivia Hannelore is hiding her face.

Hallie Roll an intimidation.

Hallie and Emily


Hallie Are you good at intimidation? Let me just see.

Emily I don't think so.


Can I glare behind her as well to help?

Hallie I will allow that to be a partner action. But like. Okay.

Emily Yeah! Cause like to be fair, I'm on fire. So, like…

Hallie Yes. Uh, and you're aiming a wand at her, uh, roll me a, roll me a D20. Do you want to put effort into it?

Emily Yeah, I already rolled but I wanted to!

Hallie Oh okay. No go ahead. Cause I didn't know you’d already rolled. So uh, yeah, you apply one tier of effort.

Emily Yeah.

Hallie That's minus 2 from your intellect. Okay.

Emily Yep. Uh, yeah cause I have an edge in intellect. And I rolled a 10.


Hallie Yeah. You rolled a 10. Okay. Okay. Yeah, because Eraf is helping you by glaring behind her. Eraf doesn't look super intimidating because she’s slumped against a van, and like her legs, but you specialize in intimidation and like putting on a brave face.

Cassidy Ooh, I’m excited. Oh yeah. I interrogated people for a living.

Hallie For sure. So like, and the slumping look actually kind of makes you look even more terrifying the way that like dolls do, you know.

Cassidy Oh hosh.

Hallie And this combined with the fire.

Olivia Yeah. The light coming off of uh, Ig must be very dramatic.

Hallie Mmmhmm. I mean, I mean like Poppy’s water just like evaporated before even touching Ig.




So she will take a step back and kind of put like a wall of ice between you and her.

Olivia Am I on the same side of it as her?

Hallie Yes. You are. You are behind her. And we are back up to Hannelore.

Olivia Okay. Uh, I'm going to hit her again.

Hallie [Laughter.] With your wrench?

Olivia Yeah.

[Dice rolling.]

Hallie Do you want to put effort into it?

Olivia Uh, 11?

Hallie 11.

Olivia I don't want to.

Hallie You don't want to. Okay.

Olivia No, cause it cause a 10 hit before…



Hallie A ten didn’t hit but a nine worked for defense, is what happened.

Olivia Ah.

Hallie So the wrench [Laughter.] unfortunately missed again, cause Poppy is just -

Olivia Argh! Can I at least just clobber it into the wall of ice?

Hallie Yes, you can do that. Yeah, I will, I'll rule that like as you go around she'll just step aside but um, or she'll duck. She'll duck as your, as your wrench comes and you'll, shattered the wall of ice so it’s only like to your knees now.

Olivia Awesome.

Hallie It's significantly less than useful than it was before. We're up to Poppy’s turn. Poppy will… Poppy is going to, remembering how enraged Hannelore was earlier, is going to fire another icicle at the Red Mary just because she's mad [Laughter.] and has nothing else to do.

Olivia (as Hannelore) [Enraged noise.]

Hallie So, another icicle we'll lodge itself in the Red Mary. This one slight little lower.

Cassidy [Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore) Oh, my stars!

Olivia I've been wondering what Hannelore's class would be and it's now very clear to me that she is a van-based barbarian.

Emily and Hallie


Hallie Barberivan?

Olivia Barberivan.

Hallie Barberivan! Um, and then we're back to Susan, who was facing off with Madeline.

Cassidy Get her!

[Combat electric guitar rock music begins to play.]

Hallie Um, Madeline is not like an immediate threat on her ship, so she is going to fire and she will hit Madeline square the face. Uh, Madeline just goes down. She's out. [Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore) Madeline! God.



Cassidy Dead weight.

[Music plays.]

Hallie Hey everyone, it's Hallie again. I really hope you're enjoying the second part of the Cookie Crew. The part that wasn't supposed to exist because this was supposed to be a one time special short, but we at Quest Friends are all glad the Cookie Crew turned into this multi episode mini series so we hope you are too. Today's call to action is part announcement, part request. Quest Friends had its one year anniversary last week, so to celebrate we're hosting a Q&A session, streamed live on our Twitch account on Friday, October 5th at 8:00 PM CDT. That is less than a week from now. We're very excited. If you'd like to submit any questions, feel free to submit them to our tumblr asks, but you can also submit questions via this nifty survey that's linked in the show notes. The survey is totally optional, but we want to know who's listening to our show because it helps us reach more good folk like you. The survey also lets you enter our anniversary raffle, and we are giving away some pretty sweet swag so you might want to do that. Again, the survey is linked in the show notes and you can also access it by going to That's all for me. The next episode of the Cookie Crew will air on Monday, October 15th but between now and then, the next episode of the main campaign comes back on Monday, October 8th. So I will see you all then.

[Music plays and ends.]

Hallie So Madeline is down on the ship and we are back to Eraf.


Cassidy I was planning on attacking Poppy, but -

Olivia Go for it.



Hallie Remember your legs are feeling like jelly, so you're not, uh, you're not sure - you can attack from sitting down, but you're not sure how standing up would go for you.

Cassidy Right. Which is why I think I'm going to bring in my duplicate to help with things. Oohwooo! So -

Hallie Oh, that's right, your special power! Okay.

[Magical, twinkling music plays.]

Cassidy You see the flickering the lights from Ig, and my shadow kind of shivers for a second and all of a sudden it disappears. And there is an exact duplicate of me behind Poppy.

[Magical music ends.]

Um, with it I can see her right there. I can see the space behind Poppy. Yeah. So that's where my duplicate appears. It is...Level two non-player character with 6 health!


Ho ho!




Um, and I am just going to have her kick it. Kick Poppy. Have it kick her. Yeah, there we go.

Hallie Alright, give me roll up.

Cassidy Yep. Oh my gosh. [Laughter.]

Hallie How'd you do?

Emily Did you get a 1?

Cassidy Yeah. [Laughter.]

Olivia [Utter despair.] My van, my van!



Olivia Oh, Mary!

Hallie Your duplicate has just come into being and is expected to kick immediately. Like what is this?




Who am I?

Hallie So she will kick but it's almost like the duplicate was just really excited to kick--




--nd like didn't know who they were even supposed to be kicking. So instead of kicking Poppy -

Cassidy, Emily and Olivia


Hallie - it will kick the ice wall by mistake.

Cassidy Okay, that's fine.

Hallie And then stub their toe.

Cassidy That's also fine. [Laughter.]

Hallie [Laughter.] Like,

Hallie (as duplicate) [Sharp intake of breath.] Ugghhh!

Cassidy Ugh, useless thing!

Hallie Madeline’s up next, but she is [Laughter.] currently unconscious.

Cassidy Alright.

Hallie Jonquil, having just flipped over Eraf and done her, her like jab.

Cassidy Yeah, jerk.

Hallie Uh, is running inside the van, the door of which -

Olivia [Frantically.] I locked it! I locked it!



Cassidy She did lock it!

Olivia I said that I locked it!

Hallie Did you lock it?

Olivia Yup.

Hallie You did?

Olivia I did!

Cassidy Yes she did. I remember.

Hallie Like after you went outside?

Cassidy Yeah, she did the clicky with the hand.

Olivia So she can try all she wants.

Hallie Okay.

Cassidy They’ll have to have to cut her hand off.

Olivia Don’t - don - why even? Why even?



Hallie Finding -

Cassidy [Laughter.] I didn't say that out loud.

Hallie Um, finding it locked. Unhappily, she will - actually, GM intrusion on Hannelore. Uh, GM intrusions, Olivia are like just when the GM -

Olivia I’m going to hate this.




I’m so upset.


[Laughing harder.] Gm intrusions are just, when the GM gets to make a thing happen.

Olivia Mhm.

Hallie The player does get an experience and in this game you can use experience to do cool things that we have, you can trade -

Olivia Forewarning, I'm using my experience to lock the van again.



Hallie Okay. You also get to give an experience to, to another player.

Olivia Uh, okay. I'll give an experience too, um, Eraf.



Hallie Okay, so Eraf and Hannelore each have an XP because of my, GM intrusion. Um -

Olivia I did effing lock the -

Hallie No, no, no! I believe you.

Olivia No, I'm saying I did lock the, the -

Hallie The glove compartment?

Olivia Glove compartment.

Hallie Yes. I know. Okay. I believe that you locked it. The GM intrusion isn't that it's suddenly unlocked.

Olivia Can’t even get it started. She can't get us started. She can’t get it started so it doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter what she’s doing, she can’t even start the van. It doesn’t matter.

Hallie [Laughter.] The intrusion is that Jonquil will instead flip over to you, ‘cause you're all in like close range, she’s going to flip over to you and she is going to jab at your hand. And the jab at your hand, cause the key is embedded in your palm?

Olivia Yep.

Hallie She's going to jab at that hand, and because this is a GM intrusion she's just going to do it.

Olivia [Angry noise.]

Cassidy and Hallie


Hallie And um, that is going to be enough to “doot doot!”

Olivia [More angry noises.]

Hallie So the van will -



Hallie The van will unlock and she’s just going to flip straight into the van.

Olivia I’m going to try and rip this woman limb from limb.

Emily, Cassidy and Hallie



Oh man, I'm so fired up.

Hallie [Laughing.] Okay.

Cassidy This poor van.

Olivia My--Red Mary, what did she ever do to anybody? Nothing!

Hallie Jonquil’s inside the van. Uh, Ig, you’re up.

Emily Oh, well, um…

Cassidy (as Eraf) [Whispering.] Don’t go in the van while you're on fire!



Cassidy This was a specific rule laid down by Hannelore.

Hallie Hannelore would be so upset.

Olivia I would be so...rawhhhh [Angry noise.]!



Olivia Why, what have I done?


So, I, how far am I from the water?

Hallie Um, you could get there in one turn if you ran.

Emily Trying to think of like -

Hallie It's like 20 feet, 25 feet, like, it’s, it’s, you'd have to sprint to get there.

Emily Okay. Yeah.

Hallie Within a few seconds. It's, it's, it's close, but it's like not immediate.

Emily Okay. Is anyone else in immediate danger?

Olivia My van!

Emily Well, I can't help you there!

Olivia I know.

Cassidy Madeline’s kind of passed out on their ship.

Hallie Yeah. Madeline’s unconscious on their ship.

Emily Oh yeah! Maybe I should -

Olivia Yeah, go help her.

Cassidy and Hallie


Emily - go get Madeline. I should go, can I go on the ship?

Hallie You can try.

Emily Okay. I'm going to try.

Hallie You can roll it to go on the ship. ...sorry. You're just sprinting on fire towards the pirate ship? [Laughter.]

Emily Yeahhh!

Olivia The light’s flying everywhere.



Cassidy Oh my gosh, yes, Kamikaze.



Emily First I want to point back at the van and be like,

Emily (as Ig) One of them got in there, just so you know.




Hallie In case you didn’t notice, Hannelore!

Olivia (as Hannelore) Oh, I noticed!

Cassidy Me and my duplicate facepalm.

Olivia (as Hannelore) I’m so aware.

Emily And then I'm gonna say,

Emily (as Ig) Guys, I got this!

Emily And sprint towards the ship.

Hallie And how are you going to try to get on the ship?

Emily Um… How did they get off the ship?

Hallie Uh, Poppy used her, like used like her ice magic to propel her off. And then uh, Jonquil, just did a series of like hardcore flips.

Emily I don't know how to do either of those things. [Laughter.]


You don’t know either of those things!



Olivia Improvise, Ig! Improvise! Burn the ship, burn it to ash! Hug the ship. What is this the ship made out of? Is it made of wood?

Emily Wait. I want to look at Susan. I wanna look at Susan.

Hallie Yeah, it’s like a classic pirate ship. You wanna light it on fire?

Emily No, I want to look at Susan.

Hallie Okay.

Emily And I want to say,

Emily (as Ig) Is your boat made of wood?



Hallie Susan, will like look around a little bit and then say,

Hallie (as Susan) … No.

Emily (as Ig) I think it is.

Hallie (as Susan) [Defensively.] What are you, a wood expert?

Olivia (as Hannelore) Yep. That's wood.

Emily (as Ig) No, I'm just curious because I was thinking like you've, you've got that lady on there that would - shoot…

Hallie Madeline?

Emily (as Ig) Mod - Moood -Maaymaa -

Olivia Hannelore screams from the from shore,

Olivia (as Hannelore) MADELINE!



Emily (as Ig) Oh yeah, her. She's up there and I want her back and you guys are in my new best friend’s van.

Hallie, Cassidy and Olivia



And I want you not in there. So, what if you guys give me back Mem…

Cassidy and Olivia (as Eraf and Hannelore) Madeline.

Emily (as Ig) Mam - momemom.

Olivia (as Hannelore) M. M is much easier.

Cassidy (as Eraf) Close enough.

Emily (as Ig) Get out of the van, and I won’t start a light show.

Emily And I want to get my hand close enough to the ship that it like -

Hallie Okay.

Emily - it starts maybe to char a little bit.

Hallie Okay. Susan will lean on her club.


[Laughter.] Susan! Sorry.

Hallie [Laughter.] Susan will, like, lean casually on her club and be like,

Hallie (as Susan) The thing is that we don't like Madeline Jefferjames. Lik,e at all. You know, you know Jonquil, Jonkill, was undefeated in the Roller Derby before Murderline here came along.

Olivia (as Hannelore) Murderline?

Hallie That's her, that's her Roller Derby name.

Olivia Oh, okay.


[Laughter.] I love these things...

Emily (as Ig) So clearly you don't like derby.

[Dramatic inspirational music begins to play.]

Olivia (as Hannelore) That's just the nature of'am.





Olivia (as Hannelore.)

You're going to be bested by, this is, you are, who, who raised you?

Hallie (as Susan) My…. uncle!



Olivia (as Hannelore) Your uncle was a fool! He was a crosslegged -

Hallie (as Susan) Don’ -

Olivia (as Hannelore) - buck-toothed fool. He didn't teach you consequences. This is how competition works. You don’t just come in and hit someone's beautiful van because you lost in a roller derby match.

Cassidy (as Eraf) That is very childish.

Hallie (as Susan) Uncle Winston was a treasure!

Hallie She yells back.

Olivia (as Hannelore) Uncle Winston can eat my ass. No, he didn’t teach you any skills.

Hallie, Cassidy and Emily


Cassidy This is turning into a roast.

Hallie and Cassidy


Emily (as Ig) Guys -

Olivia This is a very practical roast.



Emily (as Ig) There's just so much going on and I can’t keep track of everything.

Olivia (as Hannelore) BURN THE SHIP.

Hallie Okay, so now Ig is holding her, is holding your fire hand next to the ship.

Emily Oh, no, I was talking as Ig.

Hallie Oh yeah, totally.

Emily Like I know what's going on still.

Hallie So Ig, you are…

Emily Not burning down the ship yet, but -

Hallie No, but like, but like it's charring.

Emily Yeah.

Hallie And Susan looks nervous.

Hallie Uh, so it's going to be a turn, since we had the long interaction and we are back up to Hannelore.

Olivia Yeah. I'm going to just abandon Poppy and uh, and tackle the crap -

Hallie [Laughter.] That's fair.

Olivia - out of the person who is trying to get in my van. And I would really like to like see like grab her around the middle and just like fling her back and I'm more than willing to use my experience point for it. I don't know if those are important or what they roll over, but it's important to me right now.

Cassidy and Hallie


Hallie I will say you can - Okay. She was like all the way through the door.

Olivia Gonna grab her by her ankles, whatever it takes.

Hallie Yes, you can do that. Just use your experience to automatically succeed in like attacking this person in your doorway. I will allow that.

Olivia [Dice rolling.]

Just like ripping her - okay. I also rolled a twenty! Oh yeah!

Cassidy and Emily

[Victorious noises.]

Hallie Okay, so for that -

Olivia I just whip her like a wet towel out of my van.

Hallie Okay. Yes, you do.

Olivia Can I kick the door shut?

Hallie Wet towels are notoriously hard to rip, but okay!

Olivia No, no, no. I whip it.

Cassidy Whip like a, like a wet towel.


[Makes a whipping noise.]

Hallie Oh, okay, okay.

Olivia I’m gonna snap, snap her out. Like I'm trying to get the moisture out of her, and can I kick the van door shut?

Hallie You can. As you rip her out she has like Spiderman webs in her, um, she has like a bracelet that does like puh-choo-choo-choo [Imitates shooting noise]. She doesn’t use them to get around but she should because it's wicked cool. She just flips.

Olivia You don't use your resources well, Jon.

Cassidy Lame.

Hallie So as you pull her out, her webs have attached to the box of, of all the cookies.


[Angry noise.]

Cassidy [Gasps.] No!

Hallie Okay, so you're, you successfully pull her out, and you just -

Olivia Okay, just for the record, just for the record, we didn't discuss this.

Hallie Yes.

Olivia But this is how I'm imagining it. I had imagined her previously getting in the front of the car, but I put the cookies in the, in the trunk. So she's crawling into the trunk and I'm whipping her out of the trunk. Please continue..

Hallie Yes. She’s crawling - Yes, okay, sorry.




She's crawling into the trunk and she's whipping in the cookies out. So as you whip her out, you also are whipping the cookies.



Cassidy Oh no.

Hallie And I'm going to say that the cookies will arc a little bit and they will -

Olivia I rolled a 20!

Hallie I know! So I'm thinking. So the cookies are actually, because you rolled a 20, the cookies, are going to actually hit Poppy in the head on their way out.


Cassidy and Olivia


Olivia It's a sharp corner. Hits her right in the eye!

Hallie Causing like -it’s a really big box of all the collective cookies,




So it's going to cause like 4 points of damage.

Cassidy Oh jeez!

Hallie Uh, so it just whacks her in the head, and she goes down, and Jonquil is on top of her.

Olivia Pulling them onto each other.

Hallie The cookies, will bounce a little bit further, but they’re still connected via tether to Jonquil’s wrist thing.

Olivia I am menacingly approaching with my wrench, but at the end of my turn.



Hallie Okay.

Olivia My chest is heaving. My eyes are alight and I'm going to click-click! Lock it again.



Hallie Okay. It is now Poppy’s turn. Poppy, uh, isn't knocked out from that hit. She is going to

[Lively, brass-heavy chase music begins to play.]

Stumble to her feet, look at the box of cookies that just nailed her in the face, say,

Hallie (as Poppy) Oh, cookies!

Hallie And then shoot ice at the cookies so that they're like encased in a new box of ice. And then she will push that box of ice so that it just slides all the way over towards where Ig is. So it's approaching from behind you, and she kicked it, so it's just sliding block of ice.


[Singing a fast-paced, goofy chase scene song.]

Cassidy Oh jeez.

Hallie Approach Ig from behind! So I would like Ig to roll a defense, keeping in mind that you have, hang on--


+2 armor--


--but tasks, the tasks, you have +2 armor but tasks in noticing danger are also one step harder.



Cassidy Eughhh…


[Laughter.] Oh yeah!

Olivia Good luck buddy.

Emily This is fine, this is - ohhhh! 15!

Hallie 15. Okay, so you can hear this like [Makes a swooshing sound.] sound that’s obviously the sound of that ice cookies make -

Cassidy Obviously.

Hallie - when they’re sliding across, uh, across a pathway.


Of course.


And you are able to step aside in time for the cookies not to hit you. Still keeping your hand on the boat. Like you're still burning it. So you don't get hit. Susan, having faced the cookies, can like see where they're coming from and she is going into, uh, her club is a gun, but it is also like one of those like, those grabber things like you see, not quite like a -

Cassidy Like a dinosaur head thing?

Hallie Yes! Like the dinosaur head. Like a more sophisticated version of the dinosaur head.




And she's just going to clamp down -

Olivia The dinosaur from the butter churn dream!




It’s, is--





Hallie It was foreshadowing all along!

Emily I told you it was the future!

Cassidy and Hallie


Olivia Augh! I didn't believe you at all! Not for one second.

Hallie So she - [Laughter.] so she’s got the cookies on the boat now. [Laughter.] Oh, now it's Eraf’s turn.

Cassidy Alright. Um -

Emily Fix it, Eraf.

Cassidy Gosh.

Olivia Make everything better. You have an experience thingamabob.

Cassidy I don't even know what to do. So, first thing I'll do is command the duplicate attempt to board the ship and take back the cookies.

Hallie Okay. Your duplicate, having just stubbed her toe is like still holding her toe.

Cassidy [Laughter.] She's fine. It was ice.

Hallie And she'll be like,

Hallie (as duplicate) Fiiiiine.

Hallie And then she like puts down her toe and like, be sort of dramatic about it.



Cassidy Like a toddler.

Hallie Yeah. Like feeling a little bit like no, I'm okay.




And then she will take off running after the ship.

Cassidy Un, in the meantime, I will send off a buzzer towards - Susan took the cookies, right?

Hallie Yes, Susan in it has the cookies on the boat.

Cassidy I will send a buzzer off - I'm gonna stay on the ground too, this whole time, I'm just chillin.

Hallie Okay, you’re not standing up?

Cassidy Maybe like shaking my legs a little bit to make sure they're still working. Yes. I want to shoot off another buzzer towards Susan to hopefully help my duplicate in, you know, getting the cookies back.

Hallie Right.

Cassidy Using an actual dice this time.

[Dice rolling.]

Hallie There we go.

Cassidy Oh, 18.

Olivia Oh, there we go!



Hallie 18. Okay. Yeah. You will nail Susan just like, you'll actually hit her like in the hand, like she's holding the box like the giant icy crate as best you can because it's ice and it's already a bit slippery. So you'll hit her hand and she'll like drop the ice box of cookies, and it will teeter precariously on the edge of the boat.


[Laughter.] Oh, jeeze.


Is it going to fall? Is it going to tip back onto the boat? Who knows!

Olivia They're already encased in ice. They'll definitely float. Wait. Uh, in the future, is ice heavier than water?

Hallie ...Yes...

Cassidy It's going to sink?





Hallie I dunno, if it falls off.

Olivia Do physics change over time?

Hallie I don't know.

Cassidy Ice floats in water.

Olivia I'm sorry, I’m just teasing.

Hallie [Laughter.] The ice is teetering on the boat. Your duplicate makes it, and do you want to try to catch the cookies with your duplicate?

Cassidy Oh, absolutely. Hopefully it sort of tips over.

Hallie Like, it's still teetering, like it’s not falling either way so she can make an action to make it fall towards her or to grab them.

Cassidy I mean, the integrity of the cookies are already kind of shot.

Hallie I mean, they were packed really well, so kind, so the cookie boxes are inside another box, which is inside ice.

Cassidy Okay. Then I'm gonna try to make it fall off the ship. It'll shatter the ice.

Hallie Okay.

Cassidy Worst case scenario.

Hallie Okay. Does your duplicate have any of your weapons, right, it's like, it's just a duplicate of you?

Cassidy No, it has no clothing or possessions. [Laughter.]



Olivia She’s nude??!


Well -



Cassidy I’m gonna say for, uh, PG-13’s sake, she’s a shadow, so…

Hallie I'm okay with like the Peter Pan angle--




--so we'll just say she's like a shadow Eraf.

Cassidy Yeah.

Olivia You just silently -

Cassidy Kind of like a Heartless version.

Hallie Yeah! Like a Heartless version. So, uh, Heartless-version-shadow-Eraf, having nothing, is just gonna like -

Cassidy Wearing nothing, just shaking the ship.

Hallie Make a roll for me.

Cassidy Ooooh that’s another 18! Yay!

Hallie 18! Okay. Your duplicate will like- the only tool she currently has is Ig, who is standing with her hand against the boat.




So the shadow's going to roll up and just like run up Ig and use her as a human propellant [Laughter.] and go for the cookies. And she'll actually, she'll use the toe she just stubbed to like kick the boat--


Oh man, I’m so proud of her.



--in such a way that it makes the cookies fall towards you again.

Cassidy Okay. Wonderful.

Hallie However, this means the cookies are now falling directly on top of Ig, so Ig, please roll me another speed defense.

Olivia Break the fall with your body!

Emily [Laughing.] I’m on fire!

Cassidy It’ll melt the ice!

Emily Okay, I rolled a 16.


Oh good.

Hallie A 16. Okay, so do you, do you want to just step aside and keep your hand burning the boat, or do you want to like turn your hand up to burn the ice off of the thing as it comes down towards you and then move to the side? We could flavor this either way.

Emily Yeah, I would like to step to the side to keep my hand on the boat.

Hallie Okay. You can do that. So you step to the side and the cookies will land next to you.

Emily With my other hand I'd like to just pat them a little bit. Like a greeting.

Hallie Okay, like “Yes, the cookies”. Which brings us to Madeline who is out. And then that brings us to Jonquil who was just savagely ripped out of the van by Hannelore.

Cassidy Beautifully ripped out, I would say.

Hallie She is still collecting herself.

Olivia Yeah, god- effin right.

Hallie But she is going to flip back to the boat and she, flipping her way on the boat, is going to attempt to grab the cookies, cause they're on the ground. So on her way back to the boat, she’s going to like -

Cassidy She’s going to like pick them up and flip on?

Hallie Yeah, she can do that. She's like Tai Lee from Avatar. She can do pretty much anything.

[Dice rolling.]

She does it!

Cassidy and Olivia

[Upset noises.]


But as she does it, she gets the box but like it's kind of like a little bit wet, from just like, it's just been everywhere and like human hands have held it. There's - Ig is on fire directly next to it. So the edges of it are frayed a little bit and as she will hop onto the boat as single box of cookies will fall out on land.



Olivia It's like the medicine from Balto.



Hallie Precisely. A single one, like the medicine from Balto, will fall onto -

Olivia Effing A, guys.

Hallie - the land part. But she is now on the ship with everything. And I'm not saying that I don't remember where Poppy is, but where is Poppy?

Olivia Poppy was hit with her friend, uh, Jonquil.


Yeah, Jonquil.


And, uh, she is being menaced by a tall woman with a wrench.

Hallie That's right, she was -

Olivia Like this wrench is like the length of a femur. It's no joke.

Hallie [Laughing.] Okay.

Olivia I'm a mechanic.

Hallie What did Poppy do for your turn, Hannelore?

Olivia What did she do for my turn?

Hallie Your turn?

Olivia I can't remember. What did she do for when I, when I, I, I just know that I'd ripped Jonquil out of the -

Cassidy She put the cookies in the ice.

Olivia Yeah, she did.

Hallie She put the cookies in the ice and then she kicked them. That's what she did. Okay. I couldn't remember where she was. Okay. So she is still by you guys. Okay. Ig, you’re up.

Emily I’ve lost patience.

Cassidy and Olivia



And so I patted the cookies but obviously they're gone now. So I have a free hand.

Hallie Yep, just the one box. There's one box.

Emily I want to press the hand that I had kind of against it, fully on the ship and put my other hand -

Hallie To the ship?

Olivia Oh Hell yeah.

Hallie And your fire has been doing damage. Like it's, it's like a sizable ship, so burning a small section of outside wood that isn’t the bottom doesn't like ruin its -

Cassidy Integrity?

Hallie Ability to float. Yeah. Integrity. Um, but it's like, it's like it's catching a little bit and it's spreading so that it is starting to affect the integrity.


[Chanting.] Sink it, sink it, sink it.

Hallie So, now we’re up to Hannelore.

Olivia Alright, dope. I'm going to clobber Poppy over the head with my wrench.

Hallie Okay. Roll for me.

Olivia Uh... Oh, scheisse, 6. So, okay. So I take my wrench, a big, big mighty swing towards her.

Hallie Yeah.

Olivia Towards Poppy.

Hallie She is going to duck again.

Olivia So slippery.

[Exciting drumming music begins to play.]

Hallie And slide out. And she is now seeing her two companions on the ship is just like Frozone icing her way back to the pirate ship.



Olivia Can I pursue?

Hallie You can.

Olivia I am in pursuit.

Hallie Poppy’s turn is now. Uh, so with her turn she's going to reach the ship, uh, and like ice her way into it. And after Poppy's turn, is Susan who is just going to start like hoisting anchor and turning like the giant steering wheel that ships have. So they are pulling away.

Olivia Alright folks. I say we need to get Madeline and the cookies, right? Uh, I'm going to put a focus on Madeline because she's a human person. Uh, anyone else wants to do something else, go for it. I'm going to try to get Madeline.

Cassidy I got a duplicate up there already, so..

Olivia Yeah, yeah.

Cassidy Uh, so you said Susan was the one starting to hoist anchor, right?

Hallie Yeah. So the ship is like in motion, it is moving.

Cassidy Right, ooh, okay.

Emily Can I call up to them really quick?

Emily (as Ig) So, uh, I, you might not want to go deeper.

Cassidy, Hallie and Olivia

[Quiet laughter.]

Emily (as Ig)

You guys were taking a really long time and then you stole the cookies and I decided to set it on fire and, and I would just suggest staying closer to this shore in case the ship sinks, so that way you don't drown.

Olivia (as Hannelore) I work on automobiles, not rowboats, but I feel like you're going to need to have your rowboat not on fire.

Emily (as Ig) It's true.

Hallie It's Eraf’s turn, but Poppy does have a response. So Poppy is going to like give you a smug look, and then she'll fire up her water hands. But we'll handle that when we get back to your turn. Uh, because Eraf is up.

Cassidy Uhhhhh… what's on the deck of the ship?

Hallie Uh, there's like a mast -

Cassidy Cause my duplicate’s up there with nothing.

Hallie Your duplicate's not on the ship. She kicked the ship and then fell back to shore.

Cassidy Oh, okay.

Hallie With - cause the cookies were on the shore.

Cassidy Yeah. Oh…


Hallie So you can't see the deck, but there's nothing, I mean normal ship stuff.

Cassidy I thought she climbed up Ig?

Hallie She kind of Ig and then she kicked the side of the ship to make the cookies fall down.

Cassidy Oh, oh, okay.

Hallie With her stubbed toe.

Cassidy Yes. Cause she’s a boss. Can she see what box of cookies fell out? What type of cookies this was it the Queen's cookies or was it just a generic crappy brand?

Hallie They were Snapoas.

Cassidy Of course.

Hallie The worst kind. [Laughter.]

Olivia Let it go, right?

Cassidy [Makes noncommittal noise.] Right. We don't need that one but we need the rest! She has nothing. Ah, I don't want to waste my action to try to get up. Uh, what else can I do? Hmm. You know, I think I'm going to try another onslaught mind slice on whoever's holding the box. Is somebody holding it right now or have they set it on the deck?

Hallie The person holding it is Jonquil.

Cassidy Okay. I would like to mind slice her in hopes that she will drop it over the edge of the ship if that's where she's standing near, like taunting us.

Hallie She's in the middle of the deck -

Cassidy Dang it!

Hallie - but give me a roll.

Cassidy Okay... A 3! [Laughter.] Three.

Hallie Uh… let's say you tried to, like, say something like

Cassidy I was trying to like, maybe confuse her so she would drop the cookies.

Hallie You're trying to confuse her. Okay. Um, the confusion is going to work the opposite way you intended.

Cassidy Oh.

Hallie And she's going to like -

Cassidy See through it?

Hallie She's, she's going to drop the cookies, but they're going to still be like the opposite way that you wanted it to be, they’re like further in -

Cassidy [Laughter.] In the middle?

Hallie - in the middle of the deck now.

Cassidy [Exasperated groan.]

Hallie There's, uh… Madeline is still unconscious. And now it is Jonquil's turn and she, oh, but that’s right - your duplicate?

Cassidy Yeah, because I hadn't decided what to do with her yet.

Hallie Yeah. What's your shadow doing?

Cassidy Can she try to get on top of ship again?

Hallie Yes. Is she just trying -

Cassidy Yeah.

Hallie It's going to be a jump.

Cassidy And I think she, she has like no stats essentially except health. [Laughter.] So.

Olivia She does whatever she does. She does it with exemplary health.

Cassidy Yes. You know, that's a six I'm thinking… [Laughter.]

Hallie Yeah, she tries her best. She really tries. Like she uses Ig again.



Cassidy Oh my gosh.

Hallie Like, as like a jumping off point. But the ship is far enough away that she'll get like halfway through the arc and then just do it a straight cartoon plummet into the water.




And then that will bring us to Jonquil’s turn. And Jonquil has kicked the boat into high drive. So the boat is on its way and that is the end of combat.

Cassidy [Exasperated noise again.]

Olivia Wait, Madeline’s still on there?

Hallie Madeline is still on there.

Cassidy Yeah.

Emily [Laughing.] Oops!

Hallie Uh, so you now are -

Olivia Minus one box of cookies.

Cassidy No, minus all but one.

Hallie You’re minus all cookies.

Olivia All of them?!

Cassidy Yeah.

Hallie Yeah, so -



[Upbeat, comedic music begins.]

Hallie So your task now is to negotiate a peace treaty without a diplomat or the cookies you were supposed to sell. You have a single box to sell.

Olivia Um, my car can float. Everyone, start packing up your shit because we're, we’re in pursuit. It's on fire. It's on fire, man. I follow its ash.

Hallie Um, it’s - The ship's already, it's on fire, but Poppy is like watering the fire away.

Emily We we’re not gonna -

Hallie So it’s charred, you did damage on it. They're going to have to get it fixed in like a port. Like you slowed them down but they're, for all intents and purposes, they are on the horizon.

Emily Yeah, so we're not going to catch them.

Olivia What's the next, what's the closest port?

Hallie What's the next what?

Olivia The closest port.

Hallie The closest port is, ironicall,y Pike’s Bay.

Olivia Pike’s Head.

Hallie Oh, yeah.

Cassidy Wonderful.

Olivia I'm going to, Hannelore is going to just scream in anger after that ship and pick up the box of stupid cookies and walk back to the van and just chuck it in the back.

[Comedic music ends.]

Hallie and Cassidy


Cassidy Are my legs feeling better?

Hallie Yeah. They feel better.

Cassidy Okay.

Emily (as Ig) Looks like I really am the expert this time!



Olivia Uh, Hannelore is going to try and get the ice pick out of the Red Mary again.


[Distressed noise.]

Hallie It's starting to melt a little bit so it's significantly easier.

Olivia Alright. Shall I roll for it?

Hallie You can.

Olivia Yup. 18.

Hallie Yeah, you get it out.

Olivia Alright. I fling it into the sea in a fit of rage.

Hallie Now that her like, none of the, the nano itself is not, is not present the magic is kind of like fading. So, your van is wet. There are a few dings that weren't there before, but it is still solid.

Olivia It didn't poke a hole through it?

Hallie It's fine.

Olivia Oh, it slammed into it. Okay.

Hallie It, like, dented it.

Olivia Alright. I'm just going to like touch, touch all of it and I'm speaking to the, I'm speaking to Red Mary, just like comforting, soft words.

Cassidy Going to put a gentle hand on Hannelore’s shoulder and say,

Cassidy (as Eraf) I know this is a difficult time for you, but do you know if we can pursue them?

Olivia (as Hannelore) [Shaky breath.] Yeah. Um, the van, uh, I've been working on it. It can, uh, got some floating technology then when working on, um, it won't hold water but can float above it, as it is in the closest, uh…

Olivia She's proficient in maps and stuff like that, so she would know that Pike’s Head is the closest.

Olivia (as Hannelore) Pike’s Head is the closest port, so if my boat was on fire, I guess that's where I would go to get it fixed.

Cassidy (as Eraf) Wonderful. Would it be quicker to drive or to attempt directly pursuing them, do you believe?

Olivia I consult my map.



Hallie You would know that it would probably be quicker to drive, especially if your floating technology isn't like all there yet.

[Outro music begins to play.]

Olivia (as Hannelore) It would probably be quicker to drive.

Cassidy (as Eraf) Mmhm. I propose we had straight there and prepare to meet them at the docks.

Olivia Alright. I am Hannelore is like packing up Red Mary, very upset.

Cassidy (as Eraf) [Laughter.] Are we in agreeance with this?

Olivia (as Hannelore) I'm, I'm good for that.

Emily (as Ig) Yeah.


[Outro music swells.]

[Episode ends - 55:35]

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