• Quest Friends!

The Cookie Crew, Part 3

Updated: Apr 29, 2019

The crew puts together a plan to pawn off terrible cookies and save a mild acquaintance.

Listen as they:

SING sweet songs!

TUNE into action!

ASSURE you that backup is coming, no seriously, we promise!

TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version):

Hallie

Hey! If you like Quest Friends, and since you're listening to this, you probably do, did you know we have stuff now? We've got stickers, a t-shirt, and a poster for sale at QuestFriendsPodcast.com/shop, but only until this Friday, October 19th. So if you want some of this limited edition merchandise, that is again QuestFriendsPodcast.com/shop.

Previously on Quest Friends: The Cookie Crew.

[Opening theme, “Great Fun” by Antarctic, begins.]

Hallie (as Queen Anastasia Brackleberry)

My messengers informed me yesterday that Challadien has been seen at a seaside retreat near Pike's Head. She's there on vacation, is the official story. I think she's scouting out Ancuan because she thinks Ancuan is ripe for the taking, and I want to let her know it's not.

Hallie (as Madeline)

I've drafted the peace treaty that we will hopefully get the empress to sign.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay, I'm going to stuff it very carelessly into the glovebox.

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Poppy)

Well look at this girls, a fully loaded caravan guarded only by a few hapless travelers. Let's make their load lighter, huh?

Hallie (as Jonquil)

And together, we're…

Hallie (as Poppy, Jonquil and Susan)

...PB&J.

Olivia

What's the next...what's the closest port?

Hallie

What's the next what?

Olivia

What's the closest port.

Hallie

The closest port is ironically Pike's Bay.

Olivia

Pike's Head.

Hallie

Oh. Yeah.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Exasperated.] Wonderful.

Olivia

I'm gonna...Hannelore is gonna just scream in anger after that ship.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Everyone start packing up your shit, because we're in pursuit.

[Opening theme intensifies and fades.]

Hallie

You have the treaty because Madeline put it in the glove box, or rather Hannelore put it in the glove box. It's crammed in there. And you have a box of Snapoas, the worst cookie, agreed upon by everyone.

Olivia

What does...what do those cookies taste like, Hallie?

Hallie

Snapoas? They are like if someone took sherbert, removed all of the citrus, and then put it in a cookie.

Cassidy

[Disgusted noise.]

Hallie

[Laughing.] It's terrible.

Cassidy

[Reluctantly.] Okay.

Hallie

But some people like them, because some people are bad.

Olivia

It's just a brick of flavorless cream.

Hallie

Yes.

Olivia

It's not even sweet. Is it still sour like–

Hallie

It's not sour, it's just like...

Olivia

Does it still like make that like, pinch on the back of your cheeks feeling?

Hallie

It's, yeah, it's like...

Olivia

When you eat it? God, it sounds terrible.

Hallie

It's like, just tart, without any of the fruit.

Olivia

It's tart without any of the pleasure. All right.

Cassidy

[Groans.]

Emily (as Ig)

Okay. I've got a great idea.

Cassidy

It's difficult to work with.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Hit me up. What's up.

Emily (as Ig)

So, I bet people would pay a lot more for cookies if they thought they glowed.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

How do we get them to think that they glow?

Emily (as Ig)

[Excitedly.] I'm a magician!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Fair.

Emily (as Ig)

[Increasingly intense.] What if I made them blue?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

It's just that I've seen...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

What color are they already?

Hallie

Like a light, pale green.

Olivia

[Laughing.] Light blue.

Emily (as Ig)

Like glowy blue! I don't know how long I could make it last, but like, bet they'd be really excited about it.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

So that, the sale would have to be quick.

Cassidy

Yeah.

Hallie

As a reminder, you still need to get the non-aggression treaty signed as well. Like the cookies are just part of that deal.

Cassidy

Right. We're driving down there right now.

Hallie

So like, for the purposes of mechanics, if you sell the cookies, they will sign the thing.

[An Old West sort of jaunty adventure tune picks up in the background during the Cookie Crew's Pike's Head road trip.]

Olivia

Hannelore is driving, it's night. Like, I assume it's like nighttime, you know, it's 3AM. Like the sun's kind of coming up.

Hallie

Yeah, you're just...you have this but like you're not going back to bed after that. You're just up.

Emily

Yeah.

Olivia

Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I'm keyed up. I'm currently pounding a strong cup of black coffee that I prepared on...Everyone, I made us, before we left, before like, I just like, as I was destabilizing everything, I just slammed a pot into the embers of the fire and then I mixed you all a very sober and gritty cup of coffee.

Cassidy

Is there any way I could restore some might points because I had to...

Hallie

Oh yeah, yeah, you can all heal.

Cassidy, Emily, and Olivia

[Relieved groans.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

You can sleep, I'm driving.

Hallie

You're traveling, so you can all heal back up to your uh, your normal stats.

Cassidy

Okay, great.

Olivia

The coffee are in covers so you should be fine.

Hallie

Also, you all get an XP after that fight.

Cassidy, Emily, and Olivia

[Cheery 'woos'.]

Cassidy

So I've got two of those, right?

Hallie

Correct. You have two XP, and everyone else has one.

Cassidy

Cool.

Emily

[Sadly.] I have one.

Olivia

I'm starting to sense that, uh, that XPs are something that you save, as opposed to like, ripping someone out of a van.

Hallie

So like ...

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Normally XP are saved to level up but like, since this is a one-shot, you don't really need them for that, and we recently decided to just level up at the end of our arcs. So we are allowed to use XP in Quest Friends to like, do cool things. I used it to do a parkour trick that should not have been humanly possible.

Olivia

Cool. I'm so excited. So that means...

Emily

I used it to create a distraction.

Hallie

You did, it was excellent.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

All right, so I have an idea of a plan that...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Let's hear it.

Olivia

For the record, Hannelore is playing John Prine, but it's on low, and her eyes are bugged.

[00:05:00]

And she's bent over the steering wheel.

Emily

Ig is like curled up against...

Olivia

We can all be sitting in the bench of the, of the front seat, if you want.

Emily

Yeah.

Olivia

There are seat belts for everyone.

Emily

Okay, I'm cuddling.

Cassidy and Olivia

[Laughter.]

Emily

I don't know who with but I'm cuddling.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Cassidy

You can cuddle with Eraf, she will allow it.

Emily

Aw, thanks.

Olivia

Your feet could be in my lap. It's like when you're sleeping on the couch with Mom and Dad.

Cassidy

[Laughing.] Yeah.

Olivia

You tuckered yourself out.

Cassidy (

Eraf is absolutely calm, and like, quickly trying to calculate what we could possibly do to restore the situation. So we're meeting with...

Olivia

Hannelore is muttering to herself.

Cassidy

[Laughs.] We're hoping to meet with the Queen of Ancuan, right?

Hallie

No, you were sent by the Queen of Ancuan. The Empress of the Pyranthion Empire.

Olivia

The Empress of the Empire.

Hallie

The Empress of the Empire.

Cassidy

Okay. And we were attacked by Ancuan pirates, right?

Hallie

Correct.

Cassidy

Okay.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yeah, so I recognize those has Ancuan pirates. We can definitely openly attack them again to retrieve those cookies and Madeline, but in the meantime...hmm, actually, it being this late in the night, might be a poor time to approach the empress.

Emily and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie

You're still a few, you're still...you'll get there like a reasonable time in the morning that you could politely...

Cassidy

Wonderful. Okay, because I have no idea what travel time is.

Hallie

We calculated it, and then I just threw it out the window and was like, I'm making it up.

Olivia

Hannelore pops a part of the dashboard up.

[A whimsical, upbeat tune picks up in the background as Hannelore does this.]

Cassidy

[Curious.] Ooh.

Olivia

And it has a little...there's there's two things.

Cassidy

Like a GPS?

Olivia

No, it's like a little, it's a little...yes, it is. It's a little clock. It's a little compass.

Cassidy

Yeah.

Olivia

And it's a little face?

Cassidy

[Intrigued.] Ooh.

Olivia

This is one of my oddities. It's a circular stone plate–

Hallie

[Excitedly.] Yes.

Cassidy, Emily, and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia

--with a human face that occasionally changes expressions or appears to speak.

Cassidy

[Laughter.] Oh wow.

Olivia

This is the face of like...it's like a little insert that, it's the face of Red Mary, and she's very haughty and serious.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Cassidy

And creepy?

Olivia

And currently she's like, you can just imagine that it's...I'm going to say it's like more of a, it's a face but it's more of like a votive, you know, so it's like, it's like chest up, and you can see that she has her pointer finger on her cheek and her lips are pursed, and she is looking quite upset.

Cassidy

Mm-hmm. Understandable.

Olivia

And Hannelore taps on the clock and says,

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Should be...maybe another, I don't know, three or four hours. We'll get there. She, she can have her breakfast, and then we'll be there.

Hallie and Emily

[Laughs.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Wonderful. I propose that we locate the empress, and I begin to engage her with the contract and cookies, stalling for time while you two retrieve the cookies and Madeline.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

So, this is great.

Olivia

So do we split–uh, Olivia. Do we split, is splitting the party a thing?

Cassidy

Can we do that? Or should we...

Olivia

Like, I've just never done it in D&D.

Hallie

Splitting the party is a thing that you can definitely do. And actually, if you want to do that plan, I will allow that plan.

Olivia

Okay. Okay, we'll take it easy on you.

Cassidy

We could just like add me into like, while you guys are fighting.

Hallie

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cassidy

I could be in the initiative as well, and just have my turn outside of, yeah.

Olivia

Oh my God, that's so cinematic. That's perfect.

Emily and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I'll let that happen for sure, for sure.

Olivia

Oh, that's so tight. Oh, nice, on the nose, on the nose Cassidy.

Cassidy

That's the only thing I'm...that's, just, throwing that out there.

Olivia

That's perfect. That's a great visual for me. All right, so, okay.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

So I will do what I can with these cookies, and this treaty.

Cassidy

Which I'm whipping out to start reading through to kind of prepare myself to persuade...

Olivia

Olivia...[Laughs.] Uh, Olivia. Hannelore unlocks the glove box for you. There is a small explosion of napkins.

Cassidy and Emily

[Laughter.]

Cassidy

That's right. [Laughter.]

Olivia

Once that clears, the papers are right there. The important papers.

Cassidy

Great. And Eraf's just going to kind of explain, she's like,

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I'm very well trained in these sorts of things, so I should be able to at least stall for time while you get the rest of the cookies. Given this treaty and the cookies, I will do my best.

Cassidy

She is trained in pleasant social...well, not necessarily pleasant, but social interactions.

Hallie

You're--you trained in social stuff.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Frantically, clearly highly caffeinated.] Try not to like uh, uh--

Olivia

I'm still driving…

Olivia (as Hannelore)

--try not to like, eat her brain if you can avoid it. It's not clear to me what you do as a job--

Hallie, Cassidy and Emily

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

--but uh, just like–

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Eating brains never comes up, but we have met people who've eaten brains.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay, good, that's, that's a relief. Just keep it simple, I guess. Meanwhile Ig and I--

Olivia

Like is Ig asleep or she awake?

Emily

She's...somewhere in the middle. She's listening, she's…

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia

Dozing? Dozing.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

--little one and I, uh, we'll go to the find the ship. Uh, I didn't even catch, did anybody catch what the name of the ship was? I guess...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

No.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

It would have been, it wouldn't have been written on the side, necessarily. None of us caught that.

Hallie

No, but you do know their gang name, which is PB&J.

Olivia

PB&J.

Cassidy

That's right.

Olivia

And–

[00:10:00]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

They were fairly ostentatious.

Emily (as Ig)

I bet it was named like Meadow or something, because they were all flowers! Or Garden!

Cassidy and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Like Murderer's Meadow, or...

Emily (as Ig)

[Gleefully.] Oooohhh, Murderer's Meadow! We should get a boat and name it that.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

The Meadow Murderers.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Something just terrible. Jonquil, how do you spell Jonquil?

Olivia

I wonder, or Hannelore wonders, aloud.

Hallie

J-o-n-q-u-i-l.

Cassidy

Also what is a Jonquil?

Hallie

[Laughter.]

[A pause.]

Cassidy

Oh, jonquils are pretty.

Olivia

Hannelore, I do think, is taking so, you know, for as, as serious as Hannelore is about safety, she does have like a little notebook out on the steering wheel--

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia

--that she's just scribbling down like, PB&J, Poppy, Susan, Jonquil, um, specifically the cost damage to the van, which at this point has got to be at least like, I don't know what the conversion rate is, but it's the conversion rate of a thousand, a thousand dollars today. So whatever that is in fancy future money.

Hallie

Shins are the currency of the future.

Olivia

Shins.

Emily

A lot of shins.

Hallie

I'm going to say that's like 700 shins. I don't know.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Seven hundred shins.

Hallie

Sure, seven hundred shins.

Cassidy

Wow.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[With grim resolve.] If I have to kick her shins 700 times, I will get my restitution.

Hallie, Emily and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia

So that's, so she's tabulating all the things she's trying to remember.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay. So there's three of them, there's two of us, me and Ig, and so the first step has got to be like, getting Madeline, right? I mean, she's ...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Right.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

She's a wheelie shoe person, like she's too good for a car, but uh, she can help us fight, incarcerating them.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

She would be more useful in diplomacy than cookies would be as well.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay, so I say, I mean, I guess the first step...should we just try to get Madeline and get in and out?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yeah. I may also be able to send my duplicate with you.

Cassidy

And I don't know, is that allowable, because I can...

Hallie

I'm checking.

Cassidy

Summon it within my sight range, but I don't know how far away it can be from me. It doesn't really say.

Hallie

Um, let me open up your focus and see if it's in there.

Cassidy

Oh, okay.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I'm looking at a map.

Cassidy

Because yeah, if I am able to send the duplicate in, I would send her after the cookies.

Olivia

I have like, I would have a basic map of Pike's Head, Eraf.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yeah. Pike's Bay.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Pike's Bay...whatever. Pikes...

Hallie

I also can't remember what the name is. It's a Pike's thing.

Cassidy

[Laughter.] The place.

Olivia

It's...so you can like be looking at a map of the city and be figuring out where the docks are versus whatever.

Cassidy

Yes, where she could--yeah. True.

Olivia

The maps are kept in this little pocket, it's right between your legs.

Cassidy

Oh, cool.

Olivia

It's like a little pouch in the seat. They're all very neatly folded.

Emily

Aw.

Hallie

Cassidy, you can cause a duplicate of yourself to appear at any point you can see within short-range.

Cassidy

[Disappointed.] Bah. Okay, then after it appears, does it just exist forever?

Olivia

[Jokingly.] She's sitting in the backseat. She's not cuddling with us.

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia

She's got her hands quietly folded on her nude chest.

All

[Laughing harder.]

Hallie

I had imagined her disappearing. The duplicate is around until they're killed or disappeared but she also fell into the water, so I just assumed that would have caused the shadow to evaporate.

Cassidy

Yeah, probably, so it would cost me another two might to invoke it.

Hallie

I'm gonna say that you can't send it along with them, because you don't know like where they're going or anything.

Cassidy

Okay. Yeah, that's fair.

Hallie

Yeah. Yeah.

Olivia

It seems like you have to be able to see your double.

Cassidy

Yeah, there's kind of a, I think they mentioned a telepathic link, but...

Hallie

You have a telepathic link so you can communicate with it, but like...

Cassidy

Yeah.

Hallie

It's too far, it's too dicey.

Cassidy

I wouldn't know what to tell it.

Hallie

You don't know Pike's Head. Maybe if it was somewhere you knew really well, but not Pike's Head.

Cassidy

Nope. Yeah. Okay, so, in that case,

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I could send my duplicate but I don't believe it would be very useful without me being nearby.

Cassidy

So instead, I will pass along my Oddity, my other one. So there's my cloak, that is actually billowing right now--

Olivia

Oh, is this is scary one?

Cassidy

--s we're inside.

Hallie

No, Emily has the scary one.

Olivia

Oh no. Emily has the scary one.

Emily

[Gleefully.] Yeah.

Olivia

I'm still very concerned about that.

Cassidy

No, mine is actually just a bizarre thing. It's an unknown musical instrument that plays only soft, unpleasant sounds.

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia

Exclusively. So like, what do y'all think it sounds like?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

As I pull it out, it sounds kind of – [A low, unpleasant creaking sound begins as Eraf pulls out the mysterious device.] not like a screeching violin because it's still really soft and, like an out-of-tune organ at the same time. So yeah, like a really

quiet organ that's playing notes that kind of dissonant, but then also like a violin in the background as well.

Olivia

So I'll be, I can be the violin part and you can be the organ part. [The noise continues.] Perfect. Kyle, use that.

Cassidy

Perfect. Yep. So as that sound kind of plays, I’m like,

[00:15:00]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

You could potentially use this as a distraction? If you find a use for it, let me know. I have yet to...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Cheers, this is chilling my bones.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Laughing.] All right.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I'm gonna put it in, my car heart is like zipped all the way up now. I'm very serious, and I put the unpleasant instrument in my uh, breast pocket.

Cassidy

Oh boy.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I guess I could lend my buzzer, if someone would...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

My only odd...[Gasps.] Oh, I have an oddity that you might like! I'm gonna have to give you instructions for, you're going to have to crawl back to grab it.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Oh jeez.

Olivia

But it's, it's, uh, safety is kind of out the window right now. Hannelore's very concerned.

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Olivia

This is like, this is her one job, Queen Brackleberry was really nice about it. Okay, there is an indestructible glass rose, and it's very beautiful.

Cassidy

[Pleasantly surprised.] Oh!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

And so you could offer it to the queen. I don't know if you want to do a gag, like pretend to break it but, whatever, it's indestructible–

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Impressed.] Nice bargaining chip, yeah.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

And it's pretty so yeah, that's fine. I found it. I don't care about it.

Emily and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

No emotional connection.

Hallie

I'd like to remind you all as well that you have cyphers.

Cassidy

What?

Hallie

The cyphers you got from–

Cassidy

Oh, yeah.

Emily

Oh, yeah, we have those cyphers!

Hallie

You have cyphers that could do things for you. But like one of them, for instance was like a psychic link.

Emily

So we can trade cyphers?

Hallie

Yeah, you can trade cyphers if you want. You have all nine of them. It's just like, you can only carry three at a time because cyphers are weird and like, they're scary. And if you gather too many in one location, they can kind of like, cause radiation and like...like you're fine. You can safely hold three.

Emily

Oh, well, since we're all cuddling–

All

[Laughter.]

Cassidy

I say we put them all in the middle.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

We can leave the rest in the van.

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie

You're fine. There are like rules for like danger rolls and stuff, but you have to worry about those.

[An cheery, mellow jingle that sounds like it's played on a xylophone begins in the background.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay. So for the record, I have gravity spray, sound dampener, and a one-use sticking stick that just holds wherever.

Cassidy

[Laughter.] That thing's awesome.

Emily (as Ig)

Can you use that to climb up on the boat?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

It's only one use, but I don't see why not. Then the gravity spray, I don't know. We can just like, swim.

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Swim into the porthole and, and peek in. And sound dampener is super useful. I'll probably just put the sound dampener on my back, just, it'll be a wall of silence.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Sneak on, yeah. You could also use the gravity to get Madeline and the cookies off.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh yeah. That's very true.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

As an escape route. I have the living solvent, which is the terrifying thing that dissolves, which you could use to break in. Or sink the ship.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I do want to destroy the ship.

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

They cut me deep.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

And then I have a mental scrambler, which I don't know what it does, and the time dilation, which slows things down. It makes it easier to hit I think? So if that will help you in your endeavors, I would be happy to swap cyphers.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Sure. I'm going to hold, I'm going to keep the sound dampener, and everything else of mine is up for grabs.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Okay, Ig. What do you have, if you're still awake?

Emily (as Ig)

I have the see in the dark potion–

Olivia (as Hannelore)

See the dark potion.

Emily (as Ig)

Psychic communication device, and the frigid wall.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I don't think we really need the wall in this case.

Hallie

You're all free to leave cyphers behind too if you want.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah. That's what I'm thinking.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Awesome. And I could hold onto the psychic link device, so you could hold more cyphers, Ig.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

That's a good idea.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

If you could find use, I believe the time dilation one could go to somebody.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, totally, time dilation be good. I'm just writing down what all of us have.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Slowly.] Yeahhh.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

The night vision I think would be useful, because it's very dark in the holds of ships. So, that's why pirates wear eye patches. So that one eye is always dilated, and they just swap it out.

Cassidy

[Laughing.] I don't think...is it though?

Olivia

True story, you can look it up. Yeah, I think so. It's true in that when it was told to me, it was told as if it were true.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Cassidy

[Amused.] Oh, okay.

Olivia

Like, I don't know how it, what the expiration date on it is, but it was true when I, when I heard it. You know what I mean? It could be just one of those things where it's like how T-Rexes can follow your vision, like they don't need you to...standing still doesn't make them blind. Maybe pirates don't actually do that.

Cassidy

Well, Google says that that seems to be a thing, so.

Olivia

Alright. We're learning!

Hallie

This is the kind of thing Kyle edits out.

All

[Laughter.]

Cassidy

We're still of planning, so that’s...totally understandable.

Emily

So what is the time dilation do again?

Hallie

That makes it so that someone–

Emily

Makes someone slower?

Hallie

No, it makes you faster, specifically if you're wielding a weapon. It makes the weapon faster.

Cassidy

Okay.

Emily

Okay, so I have a question...

Cassidy

For Eraf or Hannelore?

Olivia

Or for Olivia or Cassidy.

Emily

You know--for some reason I always want to say Hannahlynn and I don't know why.

Cassidy

Because it rhymes with mandolin.

Emily

I don’t think...that's why. But that's that's a really good point.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Ig)

Well, so if we're going on a super awesome rescue mission, then I could be the distraction, and you could go like, grab the cookies, grab Madeline….

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay.

[00:20:00]

I'm kind of meaty.

Emily (as Ig)

Yeah.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

But I will have the sound dampener on so I should be pretty sneaky.

Emily (as Ig)

If I give you the see in the dark, too...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

How big is the crate. Can I carry it by myself?

Hallie

Yes.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I did. I loaded in the van myself.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Madeline might be awake by the time you attempt to rescue.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, so, um, I’m, if it's alright, I'm going to take the night vision, the sound dampener, and the living solvent, because I'm going to be sneaking around in the dark, and just sprinkling it like holy communion water on their ship.

Emily and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

And then when I find Madeline, I'm getting out of there.

Olivia

We've been driving for a little while now, I'm imagining the sun is coming up over Pike's Head.

Hallie

Time has passed, for sure. Yes, you are now in Pike's Head.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Perfect.

[A fast-paced, driving rock song starts up, fading out as Hallie begins to speak.]

Hallie

It's Hallie again. Thanks to everyone for tuning into The Cookie Crew, and thank you so much to everyone who joined our anniversary Q&A stream. We all had such a good time. It was so much fun. We were so happy people liked it. And we also want to congratulate the raffle winners again! So for those of you who weren't able to make it to the stream, we raffled off some cool swag like t-shirts and stickers and a poster, but that stuff is also available for sale on our website to continue celebrating our anniversary.

I mentioned this at the beginning of the episode too, but since this is a limited run, and sales close on Friday, October 19th, we want to make sure everyone who wants something can get it. So again, that is a t-shirt, a poster, and loads and loads of amazing cute stickers we call Beans designed by our very own Emily. The link for that is QuestFriendsPodcast.com/shop. Shipping is free on all purchases. And again, October 19th is the last day you can order. So if you do want something, move quick.

The final episode, for now, of The Cookie Crew will air on October 29th, but the next episode of the main campaign will air on October 22nd, so I will see you then.

[The music fades in volume, beginning to sound like a song Hannelore is playing on the radio as Hallie begins the narration.]

Hallie

So before you is the seaside retreat that is marked on the map that you still have from Madeline, at which the empress resides. It is a stately mansion overlooking a steep cliff. The waves of the bay below smash and break against the cliffside, which is strange because the bay is normally very calm.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Hmm.

Hallie

In fact, this area is normally sunny and temperate, but right now it just looks thunderstormy.

Cassidy

[Grimacing.] Eugh.

Hallie

And then below, like–that's like kind of high on the cliff, think like, the mansion in Clue, the ominously located mansion in Clue--

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie

--ut then like if you were to follow the cliffside down there's like a little port town below it which is Pike's Head. And that you can't see from afar, but it looks like a normal port town.

Olivia

So I'm guessing I'm probably gonna drop you off uh, at the, at the entrance.

Cassidy

Mm-hmm, entrance. I'm gonna get in maybe a little bit of fancier garb.

Olivia

All right. As we're cruising through the city, you can be in the back section. There's blinds if you want to have privacy.

Cassidy

[Laughing.] Changing. Yes. That would be nice.

Olivia

All right. I'm just like gripping Ig's shoulder. Like, just like–

Cassidy

Getting psyched up.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Heavy, nervous breathing.]

Emily (as Ig)

We're gonna be great!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

We're gonna mess them up, dude.

Emily (as Ig)

[Exuberantly.] Yeah!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Show them what it means to mess with a woman's beautiful, perfect, Westfalia Volkswagen van.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Reluctantly.] Oh boy.

Olivia

[Exhales.] All right. So I'm pulling up to the entrance, AC, I turned the AC/DC down--

Emily and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia

--that I have been hitherto just blasting through the streets of Pike's Head.

Cassidy

[Whispers.] Oh my gosh.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

All right, and I'm gonna slow down so you can get out and stop.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I have the rose, the treaty, and the cookies.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Uh-huh.

Cassidy

In tow. Well my cyphers and stuff too, and my cape. And I'm assuming it's really windy out?

Hallie

Yeah, because it's like a cliff and there's like a stormy...yeah.

Cassidy

Yeah. My cape isn't moving at all.

Olivia

[Laughing.] It's just funny to imagine it like, like you're wearing it made of paper mache. So it's just like stiff, like not moving.

Cassidy

Yeah. [Laughs.] Well my hair is, you know, going crazy. But, yeah.

Olivia

Yeah, yeah–

Cassidy

Only billows when it's indoors.

Olivia

Okay.

Cassidy

Okay, so we can, do we wanna start my thing now, or do you want to do at the same time?

Hallie

We'll start your thing, because yours is gonna--

Olivia

Yeah, we're driving.

Hallie

Okay. So you're driving out of town. The mansion, the front door is facing you.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I'll get through to the guards.

Hallie

Yeah, yeah. So there are like two sentries, but they seem pretty lax. They're not like, on their guard anything, and you can see through like a first floor dining room window that there's another group like playing cards. It's fine. It's lax.

Cassidy

[Surprised.] Oh! Okay.

Hallie

So are you just walking up?

Cassidy

Yeah. Yes. I'm gonna approach the guards and be looking at

[00:25:00]

them not like, you know, intimidatingly, but just like ‘I need to speak to you,’ you know.

Hallie

Okay! And at that, they'll both stand up a little bit and collect themselves.

Cassidy

And I'll go introduce myself.

Hallie

Okay, go for it.

[A quiet, sneaky tune begins in the background.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I am Eraf Xindal of Ancuan, and I have come to speak with the empress about governmental policies.

Hallie (as Brenda)

They will look really confused about that, and they kind of look at each other, and then one of them will say, that's, we didn't cover this in training.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Betsy)

And the other one will say, what do we do, Brenda? And then they're just going to look back and say governmental matters?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes. I am here on the order of Queen, Anastasia Brackleberry to discuss a particular treaty that we believe your empress would be very interested in. I am with the uhh...

Hallie

Knights of Ancuan.

Cassidy

Well, no, the the diplomacy thing and Madeline.

Hallie

She's from the Diplomacy and Foreign Relations Division.

Cassidy

Okay,

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I have come with Madeline Jefferjames from the Diplomacy Division, and would like just a moment of the empress's time. And I'm going to kind of shuffle the things in my hands to make it seem like I have important things.

Olivia

You're a fancy busy lady.

Cassidy

Yes. I have things to offer!

Hallie (as Betsy)

At that, Betsy will look at you and then kind of try to see if there's anyone behind you, and say, you're with who?

[The sound of squealing tires as Olivia speaks.]

Olivia

The van is peeling off down the road.

All

[Laughter.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

She's away at the moment, Madeline Jefferjames, and she will hopefully be joining me later. She had some other duties to attend to for the time being, but I would like to just have some brief introductions at least with Her Majesty.

Hallie

While you've been speaking Brenda has somehow procured like an employee guide and is like, flipping through.

Cassidy and Olivia

[Laughter.]

Olivia

Is it laminated?

Hallie

Yes! And just go,

Hallie (as Brenda)

[Hesitantly.] I guess we'd better call her.

Hallie

And Betsy will go,

Hallie (as Betsy)

Yeah, alright.

Hallie

And then she'll lead you into like the mansion, and she'll lead you into like a receiving room that's kind of like the one Anastasia had, but this isn't like in a palace. It's just a room to the side that...

Cassidy

Mm-hmm.

Hallie

Uh, so things happen pretty quickly. From behind the door, you hear like,

Hallie (as Betsy)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She wants to see the empress.

Hallie

And then you hear a stern voice say,

Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)

What do you mean she wants to see the empress? The empress is busy, one does not just come to see the Empress.

Hallie

And Betsy is like,

Hallie (as Betsy)

Ma'am. Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but I just didn't know what else to do?

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Betsy)

And so I came, I came to find you.

[Slow, ominous, drumbeat-heavy music begins in the background.]

Hallie

And then a stern voice will say,

Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)

I'll deal with you later.

Cassidy and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And then a woman will enter the room. She has a very tight bun on her head and she is wearing a very dark violet robe with like, puffy sleeves. And she has a cat that's just like wandering about, and she's going to enter and she will say,

Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)

You are in the presence of Lady Margarete Verrebois, Supreme Chancellor of the Pyranthion Empire.

[The music stops abruptly.]

Cassidy

Uh, what was that name again? So I can jot that down.

Hallie

Lady Margarete Verrebois. V-E-R-R-E-B-O-I-S. [Laughter.]

[Slow, ominous, drumbeat-heavy music resumes.]

Cassidy

Okay. Eraf is gonna go into a deep bow and say,

Cassidy (as Eraf)

It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Lady. I am Eraf Xindal of the Knights of Ancuan, here on a mission of diplomacy with her Empress. Ah, I suppose we could discuss those matters first? In order for you to verify their truth before discussing with the Empress herself?

Hallie

She will look you up and down, and–

Cassidy

My cape is billowing now. [Laughter.]

Hallie

[Laughter.] Yes, it's....weird.

Cassidy

Gently, because you know, I want to look intimidating without actually scaring them.

Olivia

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And she will respond to you with,

Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)

Whatever matters Queen Anastasia sees fit to interrupt Empress Challadien III's official vacation for are something I have very little time or patience to deal with. You see, the Empress is here on a well-earned respite, and I have very little respect for someone impertinent enough to interfere with her personal matters in a such a bothersome fashion.

Cassidy

Oh jeez. I don't like this lady.

Hallie

[Laughter.] You shouldn't.

All

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

She's terrible.

Cassidy

Great.

Olivia

Don't say that loud.

Cassidy

Okay. Can I pull off one of my experience to...

Hallie

Totally!

Cassidy

Okay. I will take the rose out first.

Hallie