The crew puts together a plan to pawn off terrible cookies and save a mild acquaintance.
Listen as they:
SING sweet songs!
TUNE into action!
ASSURE you that backup is coming, no seriously, we promise!
TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version):
Hallie
Hey! If you like Quest Friends, and since you're listening to this, you probably do, did you know we have stuff now? We've got stickers, a t-shirt, and a poster for sale at QuestFriendsPodcast.com/shop, but only until this Friday, October 19th. So if you want some of this limited edition merchandise, that is again QuestFriendsPodcast.com/shop.
Previously on Quest Friends: The Cookie Crew.
[Opening theme, “Great Fun” by Antarctic, begins.]
Hallie (as Queen Anastasia Brackleberry)
My messengers informed me yesterday that Challadien has been seen at a seaside retreat near Pike's Head. She's there on vacation, is the official story. I think she's scouting out Ancuan because she thinks Ancuan is ripe for the taking, and I want to let her know it's not.
Hallie (as Madeline)
I've drafted the peace treaty that we will hopefully get the empress to sign.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Okay, I'm going to stuff it very carelessly into the glovebox.
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie (as Poppy)
Well look at this girls, a fully loaded caravan guarded only by a few hapless travelers. Let's make their load lighter, huh?
Hallie (as Jonquil)
And together, we're…
Hallie (as Poppy, Jonquil and Susan)
...PB&J.
Olivia
What's the next...what's the closest port?
Hallie
What's the next what?
Olivia
What's the closest port.
Hallie
The closest port is ironically Pike's Bay.
Olivia
Pike's Head.
Hallie
Oh. Yeah.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Exasperated.] Wonderful.
Olivia
I'm gonna...Hannelore is gonna just scream in anger after that ship.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Everyone start packing up your shit, because we're in pursuit.
[Opening theme intensifies and fades.]
Hallie
You have the treaty because Madeline put it in the glove box, or rather Hannelore put it in the glove box. It's crammed in there. And you have a box of Snapoas, the worst cookie, agreed upon by everyone.
Olivia
What does...what do those cookies taste like, Hallie?
Hallie
Snapoas? They are like if someone took sherbert, removed all of the citrus, and then put it in a cookie.
Cassidy
[Disgusted noise.]
Hallie
[Laughing.] It's terrible.
Cassidy
[Reluctantly.] Okay.
Hallie
But some people like them, because some people are bad.
Olivia
It's just a brick of flavorless cream.
Hallie
Yes.
Olivia
It's not even sweet. Is it still sour like–
Hallie
It's not sour, it's just like...
Olivia
Does it still like make that like, pinch on the back of your cheeks feeling?
Hallie
It's, yeah, it's like...
Olivia
When you eat it? God, it sounds terrible.
Hallie
It's like, just tart, without any of the fruit.
Olivia
It's tart without any of the pleasure. All right.
Cassidy
[Groans.]
Emily (as Ig)
Okay. I've got a great idea.
Cassidy
It's difficult to work with.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Hit me up. What's up.
Emily (as Ig)
So, I bet people would pay a lot more for cookies if they thought they glowed.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
How do we get them to think that they glow?
Emily (as Ig)
[Excitedly.] I'm a magician!
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Fair.
Emily (as Ig)
[Increasingly intense.] What if I made them blue?
Olivia (as Hannelore)
It's just that I've seen...
Cassidy (as Eraf)
What color are they already?
Hallie
Like a light, pale green.
Olivia
[Laughing.] Light blue.
Emily (as Ig)
Like glowy blue! I don't know how long I could make it last, but like, bet they'd be really excited about it.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
So that, the sale would have to be quick.
Cassidy
Yeah.
Hallie
As a reminder, you still need to get the non-aggression treaty signed as well. Like the cookies are just part of that deal.
Cassidy
Right. We're driving down there right now.
Hallie
So like, for the purposes of mechanics, if you sell the cookies, they will sign the thing.
[An Old West sort of jaunty adventure tune picks up in the background during the Cookie Crew's Pike's Head road trip.]
Olivia
Hannelore is driving, it's night. Like, I assume it's like nighttime, you know, it's 3AM. Like the sun's kind of coming up.
Hallie
Yeah, you're just...you have this but like you're not going back to bed after that. You're just up.
Emily
Yeah.
Olivia
Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I'm keyed up. I'm currently pounding a strong cup of black coffee that I prepared on...Everyone, I made us, before we left, before like, I just like, as I was destabilizing everything, I just slammed a pot into the embers of the fire and then I mixed you all a very sober and gritty cup of coffee.
Cassidy
Is there any way I could restore some might points because I had to...
Hallie
Oh yeah, yeah, you can all heal.
Cassidy, Emily, and Olivia
[Relieved groans.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
You can sleep, I'm driving.
Hallie
You're traveling, so you can all heal back up to your uh, your normal stats.
Cassidy
Okay, great.
Olivia
The coffee are in covers so you should be fine.
Hallie
Also, you all get an XP after that fight.
Cassidy, Emily, and Olivia
[Cheery 'woos'.]
Cassidy
So I've got two of those, right?
Hallie
Correct. You have two XP, and everyone else has one.
Cassidy
Cool.
Emily
[Sadly.] I have one.
Olivia
I'm starting to sense that, uh, that XPs are something that you save, as opposed to like, ripping someone out of a van.
Hallie
So like ...
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
Normally XP are saved to level up but like, since this is a one-shot, you don't really need them for that, and we recently decided to just level up at the end of our arcs. So we are allowed to use XP in Quest Friends to like, do cool things. I used it to do a parkour trick that should not have been humanly possible.
Olivia
Cool. I'm so excited. So that means...
Emily
I used it to create a distraction.
Hallie
You did, it was excellent.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
All right, so I have an idea of a plan that...
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Let's hear it.
Olivia
For the record, Hannelore is playing John Prine, but it's on low, and her eyes are bugged.
[00:05:00]
And she's bent over the steering wheel.
Emily
Ig is like curled up against...
Olivia
We can all be sitting in the bench of the, of the front seat, if you want.
Emily
Yeah.
Olivia
There are seat belts for everyone.
Emily
Okay, I'm cuddling.
Cassidy and Olivia
[Laughter.]
Emily
I don't know who with but I'm cuddling.
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Cassidy
You can cuddle with Eraf, she will allow it.
Emily
Aw, thanks.
Olivia
Your feet could be in my lap. It's like when you're sleeping on the couch with Mom and Dad.
Cassidy
[Laughing.] Yeah.
Olivia
You tuckered yourself out.
Cassidy (
Eraf is absolutely calm, and like, quickly trying to calculate what we could possibly do to restore the situation. So we're meeting with...
Olivia
Hannelore is muttering to herself.
Cassidy
[Laughs.] We're hoping to meet with the Queen of Ancuan, right?
Hallie
No, you were sent by the Queen of Ancuan. The Empress of the Pyranthion Empire.
Olivia
The Empress of the Empire.
Hallie
The Empress of the Empire.
Cassidy
Okay. And we were attacked by Ancuan pirates, right?
Hallie
Correct.
Cassidy
Okay.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Yeah, so I recognize those has Ancuan pirates. We can definitely openly attack them again to retrieve those cookies and Madeline, but in the meantime...hmm, actually, it being this late in the night, might be a poor time to approach the empress.
Emily and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Hallie
You're still a few, you're still...you'll get there like a reasonable time in the morning that you could politely...
Cassidy
Wonderful. Okay, because I have no idea what travel time is.
Hallie
We calculated it, and then I just threw it out the window and was like, I'm making it up.
Olivia
Hannelore pops a part of the dashboard up.
[A whimsical, upbeat tune picks up in the background as Hannelore does this.]
Cassidy
[Curious.] Ooh.
Olivia
And it has a little...there's there's two things.
Cassidy
Like a GPS?
Olivia
No, it's like a little, it's a little...yes, it is. It's a little clock. It's a little compass.
Cassidy
Yeah.
Olivia
And it's a little face?
Cassidy
[Intrigued.] Ooh.
Olivia
This is one of my oddities. It's a circular stone plate–
Hallie
[Excitedly.] Yes.
Cassidy, Emily, and Hallie
[Laughter.]
Olivia
--with a human face that occasionally changes expressions or appears to speak.
Cassidy
[Laughter.] Oh wow.
Olivia
This is the face of like...it's like a little insert that, it's the face of Red Mary, and she's very haughty and serious.
Emily
[Laughter.]
Cassidy
And creepy?
Olivia
And currently she's like, you can just imagine that it's...I'm going to say it's like more of a, it's a face but it's more of like a votive, you know, so it's like, it's like chest up, and you can see that she has her pointer finger on her cheek and her lips are pursed, and she is looking quite upset.
Cassidy
Mm-hmm. Understandable.
Olivia
And Hannelore taps on the clock and says,
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Should be...maybe another, I don't know, three or four hours. We'll get there. She, she can have her breakfast, and then we'll be there.
Hallie and Emily
[Laughs.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Wonderful. I propose that we locate the empress, and I begin to engage her with the contract and cookies, stalling for time while you two retrieve the cookies and Madeline.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
So, this is great.
Olivia
So do we split–uh, Olivia. Do we split, is splitting the party a thing?
Cassidy
Can we do that? Or should we...
Olivia
Like, I've just never done it in D&D.
Hallie
Splitting the party is a thing that you can definitely do. And actually, if you want to do that plan, I will allow that plan.
Olivia
Okay. Okay, we'll take it easy on you.
Cassidy
We could just like add me into like, while you guys are fighting.
Hallie
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cassidy
I could be in the initiative as well, and just have my turn outside of, yeah.
Olivia
Oh my God, that's so cinematic. That's perfect.
Emily and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I'll let that happen for sure, for sure.
Olivia
Oh, that's so tight. Oh, nice, on the nose, on the nose Cassidy.
Cassidy
That's the only thing I'm...that's, just, throwing that out there.
Olivia
That's perfect. That's a great visual for me. All right, so, okay.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
So I will do what I can with these cookies, and this treaty.
Cassidy
Which I'm whipping out to start reading through to kind of prepare myself to persuade...
Olivia
Olivia...[Laughs.] Uh, Olivia. Hannelore unlocks the glove box for you. There is a small explosion of napkins.
Cassidy and Emily
[Laughter.]
Cassidy
That's right. [Laughter.]
Olivia
Once that clears, the papers are right there. The important papers.
Cassidy
Great. And Eraf's just going to kind of explain, she's like,
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I'm very well trained in these sorts of things, so I should be able to at least stall for time while you get the rest of the cookies. Given this treaty and the cookies, I will do my best.
Cassidy
She is trained in pleasant social...well, not necessarily pleasant, but social interactions.
Hallie
You're--you trained in social stuff.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
[Frantically, clearly highly caffeinated.] Try not to like uh, uh--
Olivia
I'm still driving…
Olivia (as Hannelore)
--try not to like, eat her brain if you can avoid it. It's not clear to me what you do as a job--
Hallie, Cassidy and Emily
[Laughter.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
--but uh, just like–
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Eating brains never comes up, but we have met people who've eaten brains.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Okay, good, that's, that's a relief. Just keep it simple, I guess. Meanwhile Ig and I--
Olivia
Like is Ig asleep or she awake?
Emily
She's...somewhere in the middle. She's listening, she's…
Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Olivia
Dozing? Dozing.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
--little one and I, uh, we'll go to the find the ship. Uh, I didn't even catch, did anybody catch what the name of the ship was? I guess...
Cassidy (as Eraf)
No.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
It would have been, it wouldn't have been written on the side, necessarily. None of us caught that.
Hallie
No, but you do know their gang name, which is PB&J.
Olivia
PB&J.
Cassidy
That's right.
Olivia
And–
[00:10:00]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
They were fairly ostentatious.
Emily (as Ig)
I bet it was named like Meadow or something, because they were all flowers! Or Garden!
Cassidy and Hallie
[Laughter.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Like Murderer's Meadow, or...
Emily (as Ig)
[Gleefully.] Oooohhh, Murderer's Meadow! We should get a boat and name it that.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
The Meadow Murderers.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Something just terrible. Jonquil, how do you spell Jonquil?
Olivia
I wonder, or Hannelore wonders, aloud.
Hallie
J-o-n-q-u-i-l.
Cassidy
Also what is a Jonquil?
Hallie
[Laughter.]
[A pause.]
Cassidy
Oh, jonquils are pretty.
Olivia
Hannelore, I do think, is taking so, you know, for as, as serious as Hannelore is about safety, she does have like a little notebook out on the steering wheel--
All
[Laughter.]
Olivia
--that she's just scribbling down like, PB&J, Poppy, Susan, Jonquil, um, specifically the cost damage to the van, which at this point has got to be at least like, I don't know what the conversion rate is, but it's the conversion rate of a thousand, a thousand dollars today. So whatever that is in fancy future money.
Hallie
Shins are the currency of the future.
Olivia
Shins.
Emily
A lot of shins.
Hallie
I'm going to say that's like 700 shins. I don't know.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Seven hundred shins.
Hallie
Sure, seven hundred shins.
Cassidy
Wow.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
[With grim resolve.] If I have to kick her shins 700 times, I will get my restitution.
Hallie, Emily and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Olivia
So that's, so she's tabulating all the things she's trying to remember.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Okay. So there's three of them, there's two of us, me and Ig, and so the first step has got to be like, getting Madeline, right? I mean, she's ...
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Right.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
She's a wheelie shoe person, like she's too good for a car, but uh, she can help us fight, incarcerating them.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
She would be more useful in diplomacy than cookies would be as well.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Okay, so I say, I mean, I guess the first step...should we just try to get Madeline and get in and out?
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Yeah. I may also be able to send my duplicate with you.
Cassidy
And I don't know, is that allowable, because I can...
Hallie
I'm checking.
Cassidy
Summon it within my sight range, but I don't know how far away it can be from me. It doesn't really say.
Hallie
Um, let me open up your focus and see if it's in there.
Cassidy
Oh, okay.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
I'm looking at a map.
Cassidy
Because yeah, if I am able to send the duplicate in, I would send her after the cookies.
Olivia
I have like, I would have a basic map of Pike's Head, Eraf.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Yeah. Pike's Bay.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Pike's Bay...whatever. Pikes...
Hallie
I also can't remember what the name is. It's a Pike's thing.
Cassidy
[Laughter.] The place.
Olivia
It's...so you can like be looking at a map of the city and be figuring out where the docks are versus whatever.
Cassidy
Yes, where she could--yeah. True.
Olivia
The maps are kept in this little pocket, it's right between your legs.
Cassidy
Oh, cool.
Olivia
It's like a little pouch in the seat. They're all very neatly folded.
Emily
Aw.
Hallie
Cassidy, you can cause a duplicate of yourself to appear at any point you can see within short-range.
Cassidy
[Disappointed.] Bah. Okay, then after it appears, does it just exist forever?
Olivia
[Jokingly.] She's sitting in the backseat. She's not cuddling with us.
All
[Laughter.]
Olivia
She's got her hands quietly folded on her nude chest.
All
[Laughing harder.]
Hallie
I had imagined her disappearing. The duplicate is around until they're killed or disappeared but she also fell into the water, so I just assumed that would have caused the shadow to evaporate.
Cassidy
Yeah, probably, so it would cost me another two might to invoke it.
Hallie
I'm gonna say that you can't send it along with them, because you don't know like where they're going or anything.
Cassidy
Okay. Yeah, that's fair.
Hallie
Yeah. Yeah.
Olivia
It seems like you have to be able to see your double.
Cassidy
Yeah, there's kind of a, I think they mentioned a telepathic link, but...
Hallie
You have a telepathic link so you can communicate with it, but like...
Cassidy
Yeah.
Hallie
It's too far, it's too dicey.
Cassidy
I wouldn't know what to tell it.
Hallie
You don't know Pike's Head. Maybe if it was somewhere you knew really well, but not Pike's Head.
Cassidy
Nope. Yeah. Okay, so, in that case,
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I could send my duplicate but I don't believe it would be very useful without me being nearby.
Cassidy
So instead, I will pass along my Oddity, my other one. So there's my cloak, that is actually billowing right now--
Olivia
Oh, is this is scary one?
Cassidy
--s we're inside.
Hallie
No, Emily has the scary one.
Olivia
Oh no. Emily has the scary one.
Emily
[Gleefully.] Yeah.
Olivia
I'm still very concerned about that.
Cassidy
No, mine is actually just a bizarre thing. It's an unknown musical instrument that plays only soft, unpleasant sounds.
All
[Laughter.]
Olivia
Exclusively. So like, what do y'all think it sounds like?
Cassidy (as Eraf)
As I pull it out, it sounds kind of – [A low, unpleasant creaking sound begins as Eraf pulls out the mysterious device.] not like a screeching violin because it's still really soft and, like an out-of-tune organ at the same time. So yeah, like a really
quiet organ that's playing notes that kind of dissonant, but then also like a violin in the background as well.
Olivia
So I'll be, I can be the violin part and you can be the organ part. [The noise continues.] Perfect. Kyle, use that.
Cassidy
Perfect. Yep. So as that sound kind of plays, I’m like,
[00:15:00]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
You could potentially use this as a distraction? If you find a use for it, let me know. I have yet to...
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Cheers, this is chilling my bones.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Laughing.] All right.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
I'm gonna put it in, my car heart is like zipped all the way up now. I'm very serious, and I put the unpleasant instrument in my uh, breast pocket.
Cassidy
Oh boy.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I guess I could lend my buzzer, if someone would...
Olivia (as Hannelore)
My only odd...[Gasps.] Oh, I have an oddity that you might like! I'm gonna have to give you instructions for, you're going to have to crawl back to grab it.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Oh jeez.
Olivia
But it's, it's, uh, safety is kind of out the window right now. Hannelore's very concerned.
Hallie and Emily
[Laughter.]
Olivia
This is like, this is her one job, Queen Brackleberry was really nice about it. Okay, there is an indestructible glass rose, and it's very beautiful.
Cassidy
[Pleasantly surprised.] Oh!
Olivia (as Hannelore)
And so you could offer it to the queen. I don't know if you want to do a gag, like pretend to break it but, whatever, it's indestructible–
Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Impressed.] Nice bargaining chip, yeah.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
And it's pretty so yeah, that's fine. I found it. I don't care about it.
Emily and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
No emotional connection.
Hallie
I'd like to remind you all as well that you have cyphers.
Cassidy
What?
Hallie
The cyphers you got from–
Cassidy
Oh, yeah.
Emily
Oh, yeah, we have those cyphers!
Hallie
You have cyphers that could do things for you. But like one of them, for instance was like a psychic link.
Emily
So we can trade cyphers?
Hallie
Yeah, you can trade cyphers if you want. You have all nine of them. It's just like, you can only carry three at a time because cyphers are weird and like, they're scary. And if you gather too many in one location, they can kind of like, cause radiation and like...like you're fine. You can safely hold three.
Emily
Oh, well, since we're all cuddling–
All
[Laughter.]
Cassidy
I say we put them all in the middle.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
We can leave the rest in the van.
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
You're fine. There are like rules for like danger rolls and stuff, but you have to worry about those.
[An cheery, mellow jingle that sounds like it's played on a xylophone begins in the background.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Okay. So for the record, I have gravity spray, sound dampener, and a one-use sticking stick that just holds wherever.
Cassidy
[Laughter.] That thing's awesome.
Emily (as Ig)
Can you use that to climb up on the boat?
Olivia (as Hannelore)
It's only one use, but I don't see why not. Then the gravity spray, I don't know. We can just like, swim.
All
[Laughter.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Swim into the porthole and, and peek in. And sound dampener is super useful. I'll probably just put the sound dampener on my back, just, it'll be a wall of silence.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Sneak on, yeah. You could also use the gravity to get Madeline and the cookies off.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Oh yeah. That's very true.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
As an escape route. I have the living solvent, which is the terrifying thing that dissolves, which you could use to break in. Or sink the ship.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
I do want to destroy the ship.
All
[Laughter.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
They cut me deep.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
And then I have a mental scrambler, which I don't know what it does, and the time dilation, which slows things down. It makes it easier to hit I think? So if that will help you in your endeavors, I would be happy to swap cyphers.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Sure. I'm going to hold, I'm going to keep the sound dampener, and everything else of mine is up for grabs.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Okay, Ig. What do you have, if you're still awake?
Emily (as Ig)
I have the see in the dark potion–
Olivia (as Hannelore)
See the dark potion.
Emily (as Ig)
Psychic communication device, and the frigid wall.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
I don't think we really need the wall in this case.
Hallie
You're all free to leave cyphers behind too if you want.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Yeah. That's what I'm thinking.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Awesome. And I could hold onto the psychic link device, so you could hold more cyphers, Ig.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
That's a good idea.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
If you could find use, I believe the time dilation one could go to somebody.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Yeah, totally, time dilation be good. I'm just writing down what all of us have.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Slowly.] Yeahhh.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
The night vision I think would be useful, because it's very dark in the holds of ships. So, that's why pirates wear eye patches. So that one eye is always dilated, and they just swap it out.
Cassidy
[Laughing.] I don't think...is it though?
Olivia
True story, you can look it up. Yeah, I think so. It's true in that when it was told to me, it was told as if it were true.
Emily
[Laughter.]
Cassidy
[Amused.] Oh, okay.
Olivia
Like, I don't know how it, what the expiration date on it is, but it was true when I, when I heard it. You know what I mean? It could be just one of those things where it's like how T-Rexes can follow your vision, like they don't need you to...standing still doesn't make them blind. Maybe pirates don't actually do that.
Cassidy
Well, Google says that that seems to be a thing, so.
Olivia
Alright. We're learning!
Hallie
This is the kind of thing Kyle edits out.
All
[Laughter.]
Cassidy
We're still of planning, so that’s...totally understandable.
Emily
So what is the time dilation do again?
Hallie
That makes it so that someone–
Emily
Makes someone slower?
Hallie
No, it makes you faster, specifically if you're wielding a weapon. It makes the weapon faster.
Cassidy
Okay.
Emily
Okay, so I have a question...
Cassidy
For Eraf or Hannelore?
Olivia
Or for Olivia or Cassidy.
Emily
You know--for some reason I always want to say Hannahlynn and I don't know why.
Cassidy
Because it rhymes with mandolin.
Emily
I don’t think...that's why. But that's that's a really good point.
Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Emily (as Ig)
Well, so if we're going on a super awesome rescue mission, then I could be the distraction, and you could go like, grab the cookies, grab Madeline….
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Okay.
[00:20:00]
I'm kind of meaty.
Emily (as Ig)
Yeah.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
But I will have the sound dampener on so I should be pretty sneaky.
Emily (as Ig)
If I give you the see in the dark, too...
Olivia (as Hannelore)
How big is the crate. Can I carry it by myself?
Hallie
Yes.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
I did. I loaded in the van myself.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Madeline might be awake by the time you attempt to rescue.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Yeah, so, um, I’m, if it's alright, I'm going to take the night vision, the sound dampener, and the living solvent, because I'm going to be sneaking around in the dark, and just sprinkling it like holy communion water on their ship.
Emily and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
And then when I find Madeline, I'm getting out of there.
Olivia
We've been driving for a little while now, I'm imagining the sun is coming up over Pike's Head.
Hallie
Time has passed, for sure. Yes, you are now in Pike's Head.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Perfect.
[A fast-paced, driving rock song starts up, fading out as Hallie begins to speak.]
Hallie
It's Hallie again. Thanks to everyone for tuning into The Cookie Crew, and thank you so much to everyone who joined our anniversary Q&A stream. We all had such a good time. It was so much fun. We were so happy people liked it. And we also want to congratulate the raffle winners again! So for those of you who weren't able to make it to the stream, we raffled off some cool swag like t-shirts and stickers and a poster, but that stuff is also available for sale on our website to continue celebrating our anniversary.
I mentioned this at the beginning of the episode too, but since this is a limited run, and sales close on Friday, October 19th, we want to make sure everyone who wants something can get it. So again, that is a t-shirt, a poster, and loads and loads of amazing cute stickers we call Beans designed by our very own Emily. The link for that is QuestFriendsPodcast.com/shop. Shipping is free on all purchases. And again, October 19th is the last day you can order. So if you do want something, move quick.
The final episode, for now, of The Cookie Crew will air on October 29th, but the next episode of the main campaign will air on October 22nd, so I will see you then.
[The music fades in volume, beginning to sound like a song Hannelore is playing on the radio as Hallie begins the narration.]
Hallie
So before you is the seaside retreat that is marked on the map that you still have from Madeline, at which the empress resides. It is a stately mansion overlooking a steep cliff. The waves of the bay below smash and break against the cliffside, which is strange because the bay is normally very calm.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Hmm.
Hallie
In fact, this area is normally sunny and temperate, but right now it just looks thunderstormy.
Cassidy
[Grimacing.] Eugh.
Hallie
And then below, like–that's like kind of high on the cliff, think like, the mansion in Clue, the ominously located mansion in Clue--
Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Hallie
--ut then like if you were to follow the cliffside down there's like a little port town below it which is Pike's Head. And that you can't see from afar, but it looks like a normal port town.
Olivia
So I'm guessing I'm probably gonna drop you off uh, at the, at the entrance.
Cassidy
Mm-hmm, entrance. I'm gonna get in maybe a little bit of fancier garb.
Olivia
All right. As we're cruising through the city, you can be in the back section. There's blinds if you want to have privacy.
Cassidy
[Laughing.] Changing. Yes. That would be nice.
Olivia
All right. I'm just like gripping Ig's shoulder. Like, just like–
Cassidy
Getting psyched up.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
[Heavy, nervous breathing.]
Emily (as Ig)
We're gonna be great!
Olivia (as Hannelore)
We're gonna mess them up, dude.
Emily (as Ig)
[Exuberantly.] Yeah!
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Show them what it means to mess with a woman's beautiful, perfect, Westfalia Volkswagen van.
Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Reluctantly.] Oh boy.
Olivia
[Exhales.] All right. So I'm pulling up to the entrance, AC, I turned the AC/DC down--
Emily and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Olivia
--that I have been hitherto just blasting through the streets of Pike's Head.
Cassidy
[Whispers.] Oh my gosh.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
All right, and I'm gonna slow down so you can get out and stop.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I have the rose, the treaty, and the cookies.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Uh-huh.
Cassidy
In tow. Well my cyphers and stuff too, and my cape. And I'm assuming it's really windy out?
Hallie
Yeah, because it's like a cliff and there's like a stormy...yeah.
Cassidy
Yeah. My cape isn't moving at all.
Olivia
[Laughing.] It's just funny to imagine it like, like you're wearing it made of paper mache. So it's just like stiff, like not moving.
Cassidy
Yeah. [Laughs.] Well my hair is, you know, going crazy. But, yeah.
Olivia
Yeah, yeah–
Cassidy
Only billows when it's indoors.
Olivia
Okay.
Cassidy
Okay, so we can, do we wanna start my thing now, or do you want to do at the same time?
Hallie
We'll start your thing, because yours is gonna--
Olivia
Yeah, we're driving.
Hallie
Okay. So you're driving out of town. The mansion, the front door is facing you.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I'll get through to the guards.
Hallie
Yeah, yeah. So there are like two sentries, but they seem pretty lax. They're not like, on their guard anything, and you can see through like a first floor dining room window that there's another group like playing cards. It's fine. It's lax.
Cassidy
[Surprised.] Oh! Okay.
Hallie
So are you just walking up?
Cassidy
Yeah. Yes. I'm gonna approach the guards and be looking at
[00:25:00]
them not like, you know, intimidatingly, but just like ‘I need to speak to you,’ you know.
Hallie
Okay! And at that, they'll both stand up a little bit and collect themselves.
Cassidy
And I'll go introduce myself.
Hallie
Okay, go for it.
[A quiet, sneaky tune begins in the background.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I am Eraf Xindal of Ancuan, and I have come to speak with the empress about governmental policies.
Hallie (as Brenda)
They will look really confused about that, and they kind of look at each other, and then one of them will say, that's, we didn't cover this in training.
Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Hallie (as Betsy)
And the other one will say, what do we do, Brenda? And then they're just going to look back and say governmental matters?
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Yes. I am here on the order of Queen, Anastasia Brackleberry to discuss a particular treaty that we believe your empress would be very interested in. I am with the uhh...
Hallie
Knights of Ancuan.
Cassidy
Well, no, the the diplomacy thing and Madeline.
Hallie
She's from the Diplomacy and Foreign Relations Division.
Cassidy
Okay,
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I have come with Madeline Jefferjames from the Diplomacy Division, and would like just a moment of the empress's time. And I'm going to kind of shuffle the things in my hands to make it seem like I have important things.
Olivia
You're a fancy busy lady.
Cassidy
Yes. I have things to offer!
Hallie (as Betsy)
At that, Betsy will look at you and then kind of try to see if there's anyone behind you, and say, you're with who?
[The sound of squealing tires as Olivia speaks.]
Olivia
The van is peeling off down the road.
All
[Laughter.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
She's away at the moment, Madeline Jefferjames, and she will hopefully be joining me later. She had some other duties to attend to for the time being, but I would like to just have some brief introductions at least with Her Majesty.
Hallie
While you've been speaking Brenda has somehow procured like an employee guide and is like, flipping through.
Cassidy and Olivia
[Laughter.]
Olivia
Is it laminated?
Hallie
Yes! And just go,
Hallie (as Brenda)
[Hesitantly.] I guess we'd better call her.
Hallie
And Betsy will go,
Hallie (as Betsy)
Yeah, alright.
Hallie
And then she'll lead you into like the mansion, and she'll lead you into like a receiving room that's kind of like the one Anastasia had, but this isn't like in a palace. It's just a room to the side that...
Cassidy
Mm-hmm.
Hallie
Uh, so things happen pretty quickly. From behind the door, you hear like,
Hallie (as Betsy)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She wants to see the empress.
Hallie
And then you hear a stern voice say,
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
What do you mean she wants to see the empress? The empress is busy, one does not just come to see the Empress.
Hallie
And Betsy is like,
Hallie (as Betsy)
Ma'am. Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but I just didn't know what else to do?
Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Hallie (as Betsy)
And so I came, I came to find you.
[Slow, ominous, drumbeat-heavy music begins in the background.]
Hallie
And then a stern voice will say,
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
I'll deal with you later.
Cassidy and Emily
[Laughter.]
Hallie
And then a woman will enter the room. She has a very tight bun on her head and she is wearing a very dark violet robe with like, puffy sleeves. And she has a cat that's just like wandering about, and she's going to enter and she will say,
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
You are in the presence of Lady Margarete Verrebois, Supreme Chancellor of the Pyranthion Empire.
[The music stops abruptly.]
Cassidy
Uh, what was that name again? So I can jot that down.
Hallie
Lady Margarete Verrebois. V-E-R-R-E-B-O-I-S. [Laughter.]
[Slow, ominous, drumbeat-heavy music resumes.]
Cassidy
Okay. Eraf is gonna go into a deep bow and say,
Cassidy (as Eraf)
It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Lady. I am Eraf Xindal of the Knights of Ancuan, here on a mission of diplomacy with her Empress. Ah, I suppose we could discuss those matters first? In order for you to verify their truth before discussing with the Empress herself?
Hallie
She will look you up and down, and–
Cassidy
My cape is billowing now. [Laughter.]
Hallie
[Laughter.] Yes, it's....weird.
Cassidy
Gently, because you know, I want to look intimidating without actually scaring them.
Olivia
[Laughter.]
Hallie
And she will respond to you with,
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
Whatever matters Queen Anastasia sees fit to interrupt Empress Challadien III's official vacation for are something I have very little time or patience to deal with. You see, the Empress is here on a well-earned respite, and I have very little respect for someone impertinent enough to interfere with her personal matters in a such a bothersome fashion.
Cassidy
Oh jeez. I don't like this lady.
Hallie
[Laughter.] You shouldn't.
All
[Laughter from the party.]
Hallie
She's terrible.
Cassidy
Great.
Olivia
Don't say that loud.
Cassidy
Okay. Can I pull off one of my experience to...
Hallie
Totally!
Cassidy
Okay. I will take the rose out first.
Hallie
Okay.
Cassidy
And use this to kind of, you know, twiddle it between my thumbs and…
Cassidy (as Eraf)
I believe the gifts we have to offer Her Majesty are of interest, as well as our governmental offers.
Cassidy
And just kind of twirl the rose and leave it a little vague, but hopefully convince her that this is something she really wants to hear.
Hallie
Okay. Do you want to roll to make that sound enticing?
Cassidy
Oh, absolutely. I can do that? Let me get my rainbow dice.
Hallie
Get your rainbow dice!
Cassidy
Don't let me down!
[Dice rolling.]
16.
Hallie
16. Okay, she will kind of do that like, head tilt that haughty people do when you’ve said something that catches their attention.
Cassidy
But they try not
[00:30:00]
to act interested. [Laughter.]
Hallie
Exactly. But you can see through that, you're good at this. In addition, the way that you're doing the rose is making the light glint off of it a little bit, and her cat is now very interested in it. So the cat's gonna like jump up on a chair and then just sit there staring at it.
All
[Laughter.]
Olivia
You've charmed the cat, our job's half done.
Hallie
Lady Verrebois will say,
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
If you would be so kind as to tell me what those matters are, I will determine whether they're important enough to bother the empress with.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
All right, we can discuss these things briefly, and at your leisure, we don't have to necessarily do this discussion now. As I said, I am waiting on an acquaintance to come help with these matters. She's more knowledgeable than I, but I believe in being prompt and decided to get the ball rolling, as it were. So if we could discuss this now or at a later time, it would be my pleasure.
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
Who was your acquaintance?
Cassidy
Oh dear. It's Madeline Jefferson James–
Hallie
Madeline Jefferjames.
Cassidy
Yes Madeline Jefferjames of the Diplomacy and...
Hallie
Diplomacy and Foreign Relations Division of the Knights of Ancuan.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Madeline Jefferjames of the Diplomacy and Foreign Relations Division is the one we will be meeting with as well.
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
Why isn't she here?
Cassidy (as Eraf)
She had other duties to attend to. I did not pry, it would be impolite, but I expect her to arrive before lunch.
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
So not only have you bothered the empress on vacation, but you haven't even brought the source of your negotiation with?
Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Cautiously.] Oh no, I have it right here with me. She entrusted it with a group of us, and rightfully so...
All
[Laughter.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
But there are some other duties that they must attend to beforehand. Again, just leave it vague.
Hallie and Olivia
[Laughter.]
Olivia
I just imagine that Ig is the connection. So Hannelore is whispering into Ig's ear,
Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Try to get us an appointment!
Emily
[Laughter.]
Hallie
So the psychic communique cypher only lets you send a message of 10 words. You gotta use that like once, in dire...it's not like a permanent psychic communication.
Olivia
[Whispering harshly.] Get an appoint –
Olivia
Oh, so it's not like ten words in total. Okay, fine. Sorry. Never mind.
Hallie
Yeah. Sorry.
Hallie
Lady Margarete will say...
Cassidy
I'm going to twirl the rose a little bit more too.
Hallie (as Lady Margarete Verrebois)
Well, they can hardly be important if the rest of your party aren't even here.
Cassidy
[Low, frustrated groan.] She's so difficult!
Hallie
[Smugly.] She sure is. And with that, we'll make a cut, you know, the other two driving down to the port. You'll get some time to think about it.
Cassidy
Yes, I gotta think about this.
[The loud rumbling of a noisy van engine kicks up.]
Olivia
So admit, for the most part, the Red Mary has like a chugging diesel kind of engine, you know?
Hallie
Yeah.
Olivia
But she has turned it into stealth mode. [The rowdy engine noise abruptly shifts to a low hum.] So it just sounds like a Prius. So it's just like like whispering down the street.
Hallie
Okay.
Olivia
We are cruising, are...okay. I'm going to park next to the docks?
Hallie
Okay.
Olivia
But like one block away to hide the Red Mary, and then we're going to get out and start sneaking around, like playing it casual, see if we see the boat.
[A sea shanty with pipes begins to play under Hallie's narration.]
Hallie
Yeah. Okay. So anyway, you are sneaking through the port town. It's just like a normal port town. It's like reasonably busy. Pike's Head is also a fishing village; there a lot of fishermen fishing along the docks. Pike's Head is cool too, because about 300 feet off the shore is this massive thing that juts out of the water. People call it the Beast, in some ways it resembles a structure. It's clearly made of organic material with chitness plates and leathery flesh, but it never moves. It shows no sign of life.
Olivia
[Surprised.] Oh.
Hallie
It's just kind of there. It's creepy. Some people are afraid of it. Some people swear that like the fishing is better around it. So there are some brave fishing boats anchored around the Beast. So as you're looking at the Beast, like, there's a single fishing boat that's coming from where the Beast is located. And we'll just say that like, you're looking out for the ship, you're following this moving thing, and it moves directly past a pirate ship that you recognize–
Olivia (as Hannelore)
[Gasps.]
Hallie
That has a giant char hole on it.
Emily (as Ig)
[Enthusiastically.] I did that!
Hallie
[Laughter.] The ship is still floating.
Olivia
Uh, Hannelore raises her hand for a fist bump.
Hallie
Nice.
Olivia
[Quietly.] Plunk.
Emily (as Ig)
[Gleefully.] I got a fist bump.
Hallie
It is moored in the dock. There's no sign of activity on it.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Okay. So Ig, do you think you're, are you going to disguise yourself? Are you going to try to get everyone in the area, or you're going to try to get their boat specifically? What do you think you're going to do?
Emily (as Ig)
Oh, I was just gonna go up on the boat, and then fly, and make things glow, and go on fire, and maybe go really fast and just use every single thing in my entire pocket–
Hallie and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Cassidy
All at once. It's gonna be beautiful.
Emily (as Ig)
Yeah, because you can do the part that matters, because sometimes I mess that kind of stuff up? But...
Olivia
[Laughter.] Okay, so there's one gang-- okay, so we're cruising, we're walking casually by PB&J's ship. What is the name of their ship by the way?
Hallie
Their ship's name is The Sandbar.
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Sandwich. Okay.
[00:35:00]
Cassidy and Olivia
[Laughter.]
Olivia
All right. So, all right. I'm ready. Okay, so, um, I assume they are tied to the, tied to the dock. There's a gangplank down.
Hallie
Yeah.
Olivia
Is there only one way onto the ship?
Hallie
Yes. It is the gangplank, the gangplank is down.
Olivia
[Gasps.] I have a–I'm really good at climbing, I'm going to try to climb.
Hallie
It's a, you can just get up, it's a gangplank.
Olivia
No I know, but while she's going up the gangplank, I'm gonna sneak.
Hallie
Oh! You want to climb onto the ship like secretly. Okay. Um, I'll say there's like, you know those like circular windows that are like–
Cassidy
The portholes.
Hallie
The portholes! Thank you. You can shimmy through a porthole.
Olivia
Okay. I'm ready to shimmy.
Cassidy
[Quietly.] Yesssss.
Olivia
All right, I'm gonna kind of keep walking, and let Ig like kind of drop Ig off at the...
Hallie
Yeah.
Olivia
At the gangplank. I'm gonna keep walking.
Hallie
Okay.
Emily
So I feel like these are going to be two very separate scenes. Maybe that's just me, but...
Hallie
We'll see what happens. Now we are now divided into three separate parties.
Cassidy
[Wryly.] Oh my gosh.
Olivia
It's like a movie though! It's like we've divided into three scenes. No, we've got this. Hallie. I've never been more confident in you.
Hallie
This is, this is my first GMing experience.
All
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I mean, you're already like let's split the party!
Emily and Cassidy
[Laughter.]
Hallie
I've never had to deal with a split party. Let's split the party again.
Olivia
We're going to be so patient. It's great. Don't worry about it.
Emily
Yeah, you're gonna kill it.
Olivia
So once–
Hallie
I'm going to do you first. You're in the hold–
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Well I wanted, I'm going to wait until like the noise starts.
Hallie
Oh until she does her thing? Okay. Well then we'll do...
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Yeah, so I activate my...as I'm walking away, I activate–
Hallie
The sound dampener?
Olivia (as Hannelore)
Dampener, which I have strapped to my chest for some reason in my imagination.
Emily (as Ig)
Okay, so I–
Cassidy
I am excited for this. [Laughter.]
Olivia (as Hannelore)
[Sarcastically.] I don't see how it could possibly go wrong.
[Light, cheerful, comedic sort of music plays.]
Emily
Let me see if I can use the majority of my abilities in one go, for one introduction.
Olivia
Leave it all on the dance floor.
Emily
So I wanna–
Olivia
I do...you can stretch it out because I do need to explore the ship like, you're gonna want to keep their focus for as long as you can.
Emily
Yeah, so the anti-gravity...
Olivia
Spray.
Emily
Spray. Yeah. I want, I want to start by using Shroud of Flame and activating that.
Hallie
Okay, you can just do that.
Emily
That lasts for 10 minutes. And then I would like to go ahead and use the time cypher?
Hallie
The time thing. Okay.
Emily
And then do I roll for that?
Hallie
Um, I'm double-checking, but this one lasts for 28 hours, so it will feasibly last the rest of this adventure. And it's like a little crystal thing that you can attach to a melee weapon, so that you're only fast when you're like actively using the weapon. So were you gonna put it on your conductor's baton?
Emily
I...yes. And because I am fully embracing [Laughter.] the haphazard nature of this character now--
Olivia
[Laughter.]
Emily
--I'm activating my cypher that, and I'm going to put it onto my wand, but I probably have something to stick things together, right? In my explorer's pack?
Hallie
It, you can–it has an attachment. It has an attachment that you can fix to your weapon.
Emily
Oh, this is separate. This is separate. I would like to attach the other cypher to it.
Cassidy
Gravity spray?
Emily
Yes, the gravity spray, so that I can swing it around...
Olivia
[Incredulously.] And what, launch all the women is the air? [Laughter.]
Hallie
The gravity spray has to be a non-living object.
Emily
Okay--
Hallie
That is smaller than a human. So do you want to use it on your wand? Because you can, you can, but like you have to be–
Emily
I was gonna like, I was gonna stick it so that I could run around really fast and spray a bunch of things.
Cassidy
How much spray is there? Is it like, you can just keep spraying things, or do you have to have a specific target?
Hallie
One specific target.
Emily
Yeah. One target, so I can't spray a bunch of little things?
Hallie
You can't spray a bunch of little things.
Cassidy
[Thoughtfully.] Hmm.
Hallie
You could spray, if you wanted to spray like, there are like boxes and crates on the dock, because it's a dock. So I would rule that like, you could do maybe up to like three small boxes, or like one really big crate.
Emily
I want to spray the ends, loose ends of ropes.
Cassidy
[Impressed.] Ooh.
Hallie
The ropes that are attaching the boat to the dock?
Emily
Whatever ropes will cause damage. I don't think I wanna get them away from the dock. I think I want to use the ones like on the sails.
Hallie
Oh, you wanted like detach the sails from...you can do that.
Cassidy
Everything but the ones attaching it to the dock.
Hallie
You can, well, you have to get on the boat to spray those, since they're on the boat.
Emily
Yeah.
Hallie
So are you just going up the gangplank? No one is there, so you can go up the gangplank if you want.
Emily
Okay, I'm on fire. I've activated my time cypher. I'm going to go on the deck and I'm gonna start spraying the ends of ropes.
Hallie
Okay. So while you're on the deck, on fire, spraying the ends of ropes–
Emily
Because I would like to clarify that I'm not doing this because I think it'll cause a lot of damage. I'm just imagining [Laughter.] just imagining ropes going like that.
Hallie
No, it's hilarious!
Cassidy
Ohhohohhhohhah!
Hallie
You’re just trashing their boat.
All
[Laughter.]
[00:40:00]
Cassidy
Like little snakes floating around.
Emily
Yeah!
Hallie
While you're on the boat doing, doing your thing. You'll hear like a shop across the way, the bell ding? Like someone's coming out the door. And then you will hear a familiar voice say,
Hallie (as Poppy)
Why does it cost so much, it's just a small burn!
Hallie
And then a different voice will say,
Hallie (as Jonquil)
Um, Poppy, it's, it's pretty significant. Like, we have to get it fixed; e can’t just around with a burn mark on our ship.
Hallie
And then a third voice will pop in.
[Ending theme, “Road Trip” by SKANDR, begins.]
Hallie (as “Black-Eyed” Susan)
I think it's kind of cool! I don't know, like it adds an edge, you know? Like our ship is called The Sandbar. It's not that exciting. We're called PB&J. Like, it's, I think it adds some metal. And then they'll just like, stop.
Emily (as Ig)
I think it does too!
[Ending theme intensifies and then fades.]
Cassidy
And Foreign Relations Division, okay.
Hallie
You can just say it.
Cassidy (as Eraf)
My acquaintances is...yeah. My acquaintance is Madeline Jefferson...Madeline. [Frustrated.] Maaah.
Hallie
[Laughing.] Madeline Jefferjames.
Emily
[Laughter.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
My acquaintance is Madeline Jefferson…
Hallie
[Laughter.]
Cassidy (as Eraf)
Jefferjames.
Cassidy
[Exasperated.] Jeez louise. [Laughter.]
Olivia
You got this. You got this dude.
Cassidy
My character is a lot more composed than I am.
[Episode ends - 00:41:44]