Where we've been, where we're going.
TRANSCRIPT (Downloadable Version)
Hi! I’m Kyle, host of the actual play podcast Quest Friends!, and here’s everything you need to know about the story so far, covering episodes 1 through 35. You can also find a written summary in the description of this episode. Let’s get started.
One billion years in the future, it’s the post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-apocalypse. Eight great societies have risten before [fart noise] going the way of the dinosaurs. We are now in The Ninth World, where humans and aliens called visitants make do using sci-fi rubble that might as well just be magic. This sci-fi magical stuff is called Numenera.
Our story stars four adventurers. The first two are Xoc and Misha. Xoc and Misha are nanos, or science wizards who pull their magic from the Datasphere, which is basically breathable internet. It’s like Google, but you can access it anywhere and it gives you magic powers. Xoc is a certified human teen hailing from the Weal of Baz, a secluded society comprised entirely of machines. He’s currently quarreling with The Great Vespari, a magician who doesn’t use magic, even though he can. Misha Jarvis (full name Machine in Suit of Human Armor; Just a Rather Very Intelligent System) is a machine, but not one from the Weal. Misha was created as part of the JARVIS line of robots fifty or so years ago, but while the other JARVIS robots were mass-produced, Misha was not. Wanna know why? So do they! Misha only has one month of memories, and their only clue to their past is a very possessive datasphere woman named the Lady with Cinnabar Lips, who only really appears when she makes Misha want to do a murder. So yeah. Not a whole lot of help. Xoc and Misha aren’t dating, but also, they totally are.
Our other two heroes are Hopper Scotch and Elee Badge. Hopper Scotch, birth name Simon Simon, is a boy detective turned vigilante accountant who has spent decades squaring off against his first and only nemesis, Lorraine Stiles. He is very tired. Elee Badge, meanwhile, spent her youth living an quiet, idyllic life with her husband Karl, before he was FUCKING MURDERED. Elee then NAILED METAL BEAMS INTO HER BODY in order to track down the murderer, which she was unsuccessful in doing. The next five decades of Elee’s life were spent as an unsuccessful bachelorette. Her only successful (air quotes) relationship was with Princess Rei Brackleberry. Unfortunately, while Elee got along well with Rei and her daughter Sera, her memories of Karl sewed guilt into every happy moment, and she eventually just left. Just. Poof! Elee now wanders the world with her visitant daughter Soe and three lit candles, each representing someone she lost (Karl, an unborn child, and the Brackleberries).
[deep sigh]
SO.
With that baggage in tow, our four disasters make their way to the country of Navarene, where they’re recruited by a hero named Sue Strongarm to investigate the town of Obsidian Bay. Typical shenanigans ensue - they meet weird cowboys, the cowboys turn out to be killer robots, they kill the killer robots before the killer robots kill them - but in the process, our heroes (air quotes again) release a cloud of MIND CONSUMING SPIDERS called the Apocrita. They then immediately hightail it back to Sue, but oops! The Apocrita got there first and not only has it consumed Sue into its hive mind, but it’s infected Xoc, as well. Luckily, our heroes learn that Sue was a member of the Heroes of Navarene, a group that supposedly defeated the Apocrita forty years ago. They then make haste to the capital city of Charmonde, where two other heroes, named Mauve and Mako, can be found.
Our heroes find Mauve and Mako, as well as their apprentices Everett and Jesse, but Mako’s kindof maybe a little bit been imprisoned for treason by the Jagged Dream, a doomsday cult that seeks to evolve humanity through just a little bit of endless global war. Our heroes beat up the Jagged Dream and make an explosive exit, giving Mako time to heal Xoc but probably not helping with that whole “stopping the war” thing. Xoc can also now see a boy from his brain named Loell.
We then take a brief pit stop in the town of Fasten, where Mako gives some more exposition about the Apocrita and the Heroes of Navarene. In short, the Heroes of Navarene was a group formed by ex-soldier and certified edgelord AEGON STORMBREAKER. The Heroes of Navarene tried fighting the Apocrita but found that it’s really hard to punch a cloud, and eventually Aegon went on a suicide mission into the cloud itself, where he seemingly stopped the Apocrita, at the cost of his own life. Before our heroes can press for more information, though, they receive invitations to the underground city of Roulettia, an illicit theme park for assholes. It’s… absolutely a trap, but Mako says he could make some good cloud-punching materials with stuff from Roulettia, so they go anyway.
Surprise! It’s a trap. The invitations came from Lorraine Stiles, Hopper Scotch’s nemesis and certified diva. She recruits the party as glorified bodyguards for the robot Q-BO JARVIS, who’s going on sale. Our heroes aren’t super jazzed in assisting with selling sentient life, so they just decide to steal Q-BO themselves. Unfortunately, Lorraine expected this. After defeating Hopper years ago, Lorraine felt like her nemesis needed an opportunity to prove himself to her. So she set up the whole Q-BO thing as kindof a test, which Hopper failed in spectacular fashion. Now, our heroes are able to rescue Q-BO, but Lorraine still finds herself disappointed with Hop, and she dumps him. He’s not… he’s not taking it very well.
And that brings us up to date! Our heroes are now on their way to pick up Mako before driving to the city of Qi. The Jagged Dream’s next target, found in Qi, is the titanic airship the Prodigious, a college in the sky where the final Hero of Navarene, The Professor, can be found.
Will our heroes be able to stop a revitalized Jagged Dream?
How could the professor possibly help them in their fight against the Apocrita?
What angsty music will Hopper listen to to get over his breakup?
Find out the answers to all of these questions and more at questfriendspodcast.com or by listening to “Quest Friends!” (with an exclamation point), on your favorite podcasting app.
Our theme song is “Friends,” by Miracle of Sound.